Chapter 13

None of us exist alone, in a kind of vacuum, where he alone is the active element, and all the rest remain neutral. We interact with people, which means that not only do we influence others, but others also influence us. And this influence is sometimes unceremonious and aggressive, and sometimes frankly manipulative.

Throughout the workshop, you learned to influence yourself, to influence other people; but at the same time, it is important to be aware that other people may quite consciously try to influence you. You must be ready for any psychological attacks, you must be able to repel them.

Types of psychological aggressors

People who use psychological aggression can be divided into three types.

The first type of psychological aggressors are ordinary people, mentally quite adequate. We are also of this type. Such people attack only in a state of stress. Dealing with the attacks of these people is not difficult. Sometimes a simple conversation is enough to extinguish aggression and sort out the situation.

The second type includes people who deliberately resort to psychological pressure. For them, it is a way to achieve their goal. This is the most dangerous type of psychological aggressors. For them, this is a lifestyle, in a psychological war they feel on their territory.

The third type includes people with pathological mental disorders, or people who are in a state of alcohol or drug intoxication. You need to stay as far away from such people as possible. It is not recommended to enter into any negotiations with them.

When communicating with people, it is very important to assess which category they belong to. It is on this assessment that your reaction will depend. With the third type of aggressors, everything is clear. Drunk or mentally deranged people are not difficult to recognize. But the first and second types are practically indistinguishable from each other, especially if the person is not familiar to you.

Recognize the desired type can only be experienced. First, try talking to the aggressor. If a calm conversation will calm him down, then this is the first type. The person simply overworked and broke loose - his attack is not directed against you personally, these are the consequences of stress. But if the attacks continue, and become more and more sophisticated, you can be sure that you are dealing with the second type. And then you will need methods of psychological defense.

Run away from other people's negativity

There is another type of attacking people that I would not like to single out as a specific type - simply because they cannot be classified as psychological aggressors. These are people with obsessive negative thinking. They are constantly lamenting over their past, extremely dissatisfied with the present, and looking longingly into the future. These are convinced pessimists who seek to impose their view of the world on anyone who is ready to listen to them. Moreover, most of these people have an average fate, in which there are no more failures and tragedies than any other person.

Quite often, pessimists are quite successful at work, prosperous in family life. But they do not want to rejoice in their well-being and cannot. I treated one woman who worked in the management of a large company. She had a wonderful salary, a good house, husband, children. As a specialist and as a woman, she fully realized herself, but she came to me with a diagnosis of depression. According to her, it turned out that there was not a single joyful day in her life! Her whole fate is a string of gloomy, dreary days without a light. Even her own wedding and the birth of children she perceived as something very sad.

This lady had deep psychological problems, and in the end, with the help of hypnosis, we managed to solve them. But I always scheduled her sessions at the very end of the day so she couldn't run into other patients. Because her conversations were a real psychic attack. She set the most cheerful people in a pessimistic mood.

People like this woman should be avoided. It is extremely difficult to resist them. If there are pessimists in your environment, change this environment. Run from other people's negativity.

Fundamentals of psychological defense

Faced with the aggressor, it is important not to "show him your back." Accept his challenge face to face. Don't lose sight of him, look him straight in the eyes. If you look away or look away, he will almost certainly think that this is a sign of weakness, he will consider that you are afraid of him. Which, of course, will only give him strength. He will continue to think that you can be humiliated and insulted at any moment. Don't allow it.

When you become the object of a psychological attack, it is important to instantly gain composure, to become a confident, cold-blooded, calm person with an iron will. And be sure to look hard! Very often, it is such a strong-willed, confident look that instantly stops an attack. To develop this look, the technique of concentrating on the candle flame will help you.

Watch your physical condition, breathing and body position. Breathing should be even, the back should be straight. Do not hide from the offender, do not cross your arms and legs. On the contrary, take a pose of maximum openness. Thus, you will demonstrate to the aggressor that you are not afraid of him, that you are ready to accept the challenge.

Study the aggressor

Most of all, we are inconvenienced by the same aggressors whom we have known for more than one year. Of course, there are psychological attacks from strangers, but these one-time attacks affect our condition insignificantly, they can be ignored. But those with whom we deal every day, cause us considerable harm.

These can be relatives, neighbors, colleagues, superiors, or "sworn friends." To defeat such an aggressor, it is necessary to declare psychological war on him and win it. And to win the war, you need to know all the weaknesses and strengths of the enemy.

First, collect all the information you have about your opponent. Even if you know this person from a young age, some aspects of his life are still hidden from you. Carefully observe this person, try to get information about him from other people: spouses, lovers, former and current colleagues, casual acquaintances. Record this information, organize and analyze it. Look for a gap in the enemy's defense.

For war you need an army. Your army is your like-minded people. The psychological aggressor never terrorizes only one victim. As a rule, there are several of these victims. Find out who these people are and make friends with them.

Make a plan of "warfare". You will need a schedule - which of the victims at what time meets with the aggressor. Further, this schedule needs to be adjusted so that when someone from your "army" meets with the aggressor, another "soldier" is nearby. At the slightest sign of aggression, let's fight back, and strike at the enemy's weakest point. By acting together, you will quickly defeat the aggressor and discourage him from any desire to attack.

"Black Dot"

This exercise will help you develop a firm, strong-willed look with which you can "pierce" the enemy.

Take a sheet of A4 paper. In the center, draw a black dot with a diameter of 1–1.5 cm. Hang the sheet on the wall, sit in front of it at a distance of about half a meter, and look into this black circle. You must look at him without blinking. Everything else should disappear from view.

You need to bring yourself to a point where you will only see this black dot and nothing else. Do not be surprised if after some time this point begins to "glow". This is an ordinary visual reflex, there is no mysticism in this effect. Keep exercising anyway.

This exercise should be performed within 3-5 minutes. Do it every day, and your look will become "iron".

"Eyes to eyes"

This technique can be practiced with a partner or by yourself. If you are alone, sit opposite each other and look into each other's eyes for two or three minutes without blinking. Play the game "who will review whom." This is the practice of gazing into the opponent's eyes. If you are exercising without a partner, you can look into the eyes of your own reflection in the mirror.

"Suspension"

Imagine that the attacker is in a giant thick glass flask. The flask is sealed, its walls are so thick and strong that not a single sound reaches you. The man in the flask says something, expresses some emotions, but you don't hear his voice, you don't feel his emotions. His anger doesn't reach you, you don't even know if he is angry or happy. You must visualize this image until you feel full reality. Visualization can be started immediately at the moment of communication, or you can even before it - if you know that you will have a meeting with a person who will attack you.

Instead of a flask, you can imagine an armored car, an energy cocoon, a flying saucer, a prison - in a word, everything that can isolate your aggressor. You'll be surprised how quickly the attack wears off. After all, thought is material. If you really imagine that your aggressor is isolated, he will actually feel isolated. He will become polite and friendly, perhaps even ingratiating. It's just that he will feel that you are stronger than him, and he can't "get" you.

"Dead point"

This method consists in looking at a special "dead point" on the face of the aggressor. This point is under the nose. When you look at her, the person becomes embarrassed. He subconsciously feels that you saw something unsightly on his face, some kind of flaw. From the fact that he does not understand the reasons for this embarrassment, he is lost.

The main thing is not to look away from the "dead point". Look long and intently - and the psychological attack will choke, the enemy will be defeated and retire in disgrace. Moreover, this technique is capable of incapacitating an aggressor for several hours. He will be tormented by a vague feeling that something is not right with him, but he will never understand what exactly.

"Draw a cartoon"

This technique is very effective - but provided that you have a well-developed imagination. In a psychological attack situation, imagine your aggressor as a cartoon character, and the whole situation as a scenario for a cartoon.

It is not difficult to start visualizing, for this you just need to bring your breathing back to normal. Therefore, to begin with, begin to breathe slowly and rhythmically. Focus on your breathing for a few seconds, and then command yourself like a director: “Motor, camera, shoot!”. And start filming.

Imagine your aggressor as an evil dwarf or insect. You can see this person in a funny, ridiculous outfit, or no clothes at all. Perhaps, according to the script of the cartoon, your opponent is an alien, and he speaks in an unknown language, which sounds very rude to the ear, but you know that in fact he just greets you.

"Stop a Moment"

Imagine that your mind is a camera. “Press the shutter” and capture the surrounding image in your memory. Imagine how it will look in a photograph: a pedestrian froze halfway, a tree leaned forever under a gust of wind, a bird froze in the sky, etc. Take several of these “frames” during the day, and “view” them in the evening.

The more often you do this exercise, the better the quality of your mental "photo" will be. The skills of such "mental photography" will greatly help you in repelling a psychic attack. It will be enough to “press the trigger” and for a moment capture the attacker’s facial expression, his posture in order to move away from the situation.

"Slow down"

You have already met with this method in the chapter “Techniques for Accompanying and Leading”. Nevertheless, it should be said about him separately in connection with the topic of psychological attacks. The person who attacks is always in a state of instability and extremely susceptible to any extraneous tension. Use this receptivity.

When someone speaks to you in a raised voice, also raise the tone of your voice, speak louder and louder, you can even go screaming. This can be done even if the person is not yelling at you. After you reach the highest point of tension, begin to gradually “slow down”, calm down. Your aggressor, without noticing it, will also begin to calm down.

"Mobilization"

Aggressors usually attack people who are relaxed, unprotected. An attack can be prevented by instant mobilization of all the forces of the body.

Imagine that you are an athlete preparing to start. Try to imitate his condition. Imagine how you are focused on the goal, your body is collected, toned, there is a slight tension in the muscles, ready at any moment to develop into a rapid movement. The aggressor will certainly feel this and stop the attack for a while - take a timeout in order to come up with a new type of aggression.

During this pause, proceed to the second stage of the exercise. Now imagine that you are a boxer resting between rounds. You need to relieve tension very quickly so that the muscles have time to rest. Rest without taking your eyes off the aggressor. And if he dares to attack you again - instantly mobilize.

"Hold your breath"

A great way to stop the aggressor from pissing you off is to hold your breath. If you were attacked unexpectedly, you did not have time to react in the right way and you feel that the aggressor has broken through your defense, you are about to break loose, do the following. Inhale as deeply as possible and hold the breath for a few seconds. Then exhale very slowly, releasing the air literally drop by drop. After that, take a few slow breaths in and out and repeat the breath-hold again. After two delays, you will feel inner peace and be able to use one of the above defense methods.

Laughter as a weapon

Use laughter as a weapon. In response to the attack of the aggressor ... laugh. Let it be insincere, let his words contain nothing funny. Laugh! Laugh like you've heard the funniest thing in the world. Be sure to look your opponent in the eyes! Laugh loudly, deliberately, try to interrupt the sound of his voice with laughter. You can say “oh, I can’t” or “well, I made you laugh”, “well, you give”, “yes, you are an artist”, “that's the comedian!”

Your paradoxical reaction will baffle him. His attack will choke. He will begin to figure out what is so funny you find in his words. You can answer “if only I could see myself from the side” or “take a mirror - you will understand what is funny”, but at the same time, be sure to continue to laugh.

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It often happens that after arguing with your spouse, you have to do what you don’t want to do, or after negotiations it turns out that extra obligations have been taken. People have no idea that they have become victims of psychological pressure.

Methods of psychological pressure are different. For example, using a sense of guilt, which is only artificially evoked and can be manipulated by a person. One way to resist is to go along with what is being accused of in order to stop the psychological attack. And then say, “No.” The manipulator will be confused: impose guilt succeeded, but to force to do the right thing is impossible.

When psychological pressure is exerted through threats, it is necessary to understand that it is much more difficult to fulfill the promise than to threaten. As they say, a dog that barks rarely bites. If they threaten, then they are trying to negotiate and it is not necessary to fully agree in this case, you can find a compromise that would suit both sides.

Psychologists recommend using several proven methods to repel a psychological attack. There are postures that a person assumes unconsciously in order to defend himself. They are called closed, at this moment a person closes from external influence. With psychological pressure, you need to cross your arms, legs, look at the interlocutor frowningly. Another option is a natural barrier created between the manipulator and itself. Any piece of furniture will do: a table, a chair, even a vase or an ashtray. If it is not possible to use objects, you can mentally imagine yourself in a cocoon of light, glass, in a spacesuit.

The visualization of the opponent in a funny way works great: in underwear, in a ridiculous outfit. It is possible to distract an attacking person by picking up a bright magazine, women can use feminine tricks to avoid being manipulated by a man. What could be easier than bending down beautifully, showing off your cleavage or effectively throwing your legs over your legs. The psychological attack will be thwarted at the very beginning.

Set against another person, this can have a strong negative impact.

Despite the fact that the mood itself does not carry physical violence, the aggression that hides inside a person contains a strong flow of negative energy.

Such energy can not only have a psychological impact, but can also greatly affect your body.

Also Read: 10 Signs That Your Life Is Coming BIG CHANGES


Negative influence

However, it is worth noting that you will feel such an adverse effect only if the negative energy has a clear direction, that is, the person concentrates specifically on you.

In the event of a release of aggression (not in the physical plane), you feel an energy attack, you begin to feel bad, weakness appears, and the number of unpleasant events in life increases.

It would not be superfluous to say that a psychological attack is not always intentional - a person can unconsciously organize it.


This happens when a person has experienced very strong negative emotions and, to some extent, he was prevented. For example, a person was striving for his goal, very much wanted to do or get something, and you, by chance, distracted him or interfered. It could also be that you reminded the person of someone they can't stand.

But there are also deliberate energy attacks. This happens when a person intentionally wishes you harm and even wants to throw out negative energy on you himself or with the help of third parties.

Psychological attack

4 ways to protect yourself from negative influences

The techniques of self-defense against negative influences described below should be performed in cold blood. For starters, it’s worth training for at least a couple of weeks at home in the mornings and evenings, after sleep and before it.

As a rule, one or two methods of protection are chosen. At the same time, protection is effective only when you do not wish harm to the person who attacks you with negative energy, and also when you want everyone to be healthy and happy and live in harmony.

1. Imaginary protection or "I am emptiness."


When you feel a negative impact on yourself, relax, imagine yourself as air, foliage or emptiness and expose yourself to a blow. Imagine how the blow passes through you, that is, through the air, and dissipates like smoke. With all this, there is no need to doubt, but to do everything in cold blood.

2. Existential fence or "We are quits."


When you feel hit by negative energy, just think "we're even" while remaining calm and not answering back. You will feel the problem disappear. The fact is that the negative energy that you experienced on yourself may have been the result of your bad deeds committed in the past. After all, everything that a person does comes back to him like a boomerang.

3. Behavioral cover or separation from society.


Find a day in your schedule when you don't have things to do, or they are few and not significant. You just need to separate yourself from everything around you. To do this, turn off the phone, do not say anything, do not watch TV, do not sit at the computer and do not read newspapers and magazines. Less movement, calm breathing and the impact of negative energy will "bounce" off you and return to the one who sent it.

4. Special defense exercise.


This exercise is worth doing if the previous methods did not have the desired effect.

Here's what to do:

1. Prepare a chair or armchair and sit on its edge.

2. Do not cross your legs and arms, and your feet should fully rest on the floor.

3. Inhale and exhale deeply several times.

4. Now inhale and exhale sharply and hold your breath until it breaks by itself. In the meantime, a pause is observed, try to focus on your coccyx, feel its pulsation.

* At this time, there should be emptiness in the head.

When the breath breaks, the blows will come back to the one who directed them at you.

Of course, you can make the offender feel bad, but this is an ineffective option, since physical impact in this case can lead to legal proceedings (or there may not be enough strength). And after a response psychic attack, you will surely feel like a squeezed lemon.
Another option is to show the aggressor that he got what he wanted: that you are very upset, even if you do not experience such feelings.
The third option - if you have enough internal resources, maintain self-control and internal neutrality to what is happening, to possible insults and threats, moreover, adhering to the position not of an offended child or an accusing parent, but of a reasonable adult who is trying to get out of conflict situation or, if possible, to resolve it in the fastest and most acceptable way for all parties. Even if you come across a very difficult “interlocutor” or several aggressors, no one, even the most stubborn enemy, will be able to endlessly attack or try to hurt someone who does not show any reaction to what is happening. As a result, the aggressor will simply run out of steam, and then, if he has a really absurd character, he will begin to look for a new, simpler and more accessible “victim”.
You can generally ignore the aggressor: keep silent, turn away, not give the boor a drop of attention that he craves so much, save your nerves, realizing that there are levels of communication to which you do not plan to descend under any circumstances.
And this is advice for those who are strong in spirit or who train self-confidence: try looking into the eyes of the aggressor, or rather, into the bridge of your nose, so that you get the impression that you are looking into his eyes, demonstrating your psychological power. When performing this exercise, it is important not to look away, not to be shy and not to fuss until the boor calms down.
There is also an opinion that when you are insulted: both you and that, then you need to agree with this: “Yes, yes, that’s right!” Like, such a position will disarm the confused aggressor. But can't she, on the contrary, make him angry? Indeed, when someone has set himself the goal of “getting” you at all costs, this can make him even more angry, since his actions will not achieve the goal. In this case, he may even turn to physical methods of influence and intimidation, because the mental attack did not bring any results. But sometimes unexpected agreement can be confusing and remove the unhealthy excitement of the person provoking you. With the unemotional repetition of a situation of fruitless assent, the aggressor, indeed, will quickly lose interest in such an “unyielding” victim. Or rather, to someone who does not want to be a victim in any way, but on the contrary, maintains equanimity and even laughs at him. So, from the point of view of a constructive way out of the conflict, the method of the so-called “broken record” (monotonous neutrality or external “empty” agreement without real concessions) is indeed very effective for a number of cases. You are not a chervonets to be liked by everyone!
But most importantly - do not forget to maintain and maintain inner equanimity. It does not consist in building "walls" and "fences", but in the analysis: for which strings the offender is able to hook me and why. Usually, if you want to prove something to someone or fight too much for your ideal image everywhere and everywhere, it is easy for the aggressor to provoke you into feelings, because he will accuse you of something unfounded. But if you don’t feel inside yourself that this person’s assessment is important to you, and you don’t believe in the accusations made, then it will be easy for you not to take his attacks seriously and take them to heart. Especially when you understand that all his accusations against you are either bullshit or a deliberate provocation that you should not succumb to.
One offender is encountered quite often. But what to do if one intriguer, for absolutely no reason, spreads gossip about you, denigrates you in front of other people? Firstly, a serious, clearly superior force is taking up arms against you. Secondly, if this situation is prolonged, the thought involuntarily creeps in: “If they hate me so much, it means that I was guilty of something.”
For mental aggressors, due to the restlessness of their nature, it is quite natural that they will seek support for themselves, create "terrariums of like-minded people." The situation is aggravated by the fact that often such people are excellent actors, or they are absolutely sure that they are right, even if this is nothing more than their own speculation. Here you need to think carefully about how important it is for you to work in the society of these people, is it too expensive for you? You can, of course, stay and try to prove your innocence, but it’s easier and safer to leave, otherwise you will soon have to spend most of even very good earnings on restoring poor health.
If you prefer to stay and "harden like steel" - carefully work out a plan for your survival in a hostile environment. First of all, try to divide the community that has formed against you. As Caesar liked to say: "Divide and conquer." Usually, having written off you from the accounts, "scorpions in the bank" begin to "bite" each other. And (with the desire and patience of a "real Indian" or Stirlitz) there are always several ways to help them in "clearing the territory."
And if a similar situation arose among relatives or neighbors? Then saying goodbye to offenders is not so easy. And it turns out that the whole life is like in a war, and there is nowhere to relax and relax at all.
Only those who really want to fight find themselves in a situation “all the time like at war”. And you don't need to convince them. But to build your life according to your own rules, reducing contacts with the aggressor to absolute minimum you can always. You may have to fight, but only for certain formalities, for example, keeping places clean common use. Some agreements will have to be worked out here, and the aggressor will be forced to make some concessions for his own good. At the same time, inside your own space, you will feel more free and comfortable, especially if you give up claims to universal understanding and love. Remember: no one can make a "scapegoat" out of you if you yourself do not substitute your neck for this. But here it is very important to “sober up” in time and, if necessary, leave. Of course, this is not always in our power: for example, in a family or in places of detention, but, as practice shows, under hard pressure, people without a strong inner core break faster and more often. Therefore, it is very important from time to time to remind yourself of your internal points of support (everyone has their own - faith, for example) and not deviate from their own principles, beliefs and values, not succumbing to various temptations and provocations. Moreover, one's own principles also need to be revised sometimes in order not to become a hostage to illusions.
However, “they don’t change horses at the crossing,” and you can think about what happened and the reproaches of the attacker later. It will be much more constructive, because, having cooled down from emotions and having enough time, you will try to perceive what happened as feedback from reality. Then from the situation it is possible to extract valuable information about those strings and, perhaps, even certain shortcomings for which offenders and circumstances “cling” us.
In particularly difficult and “neglected” cases, treat the aggressor like a wild animal. Your distance and vigilance with this insidious and dangerous animal should not be dulled by the fact that he is dressed in human clothes and knows how to talk. You will not tease a bear or a snake in the forest, will you? At the same time, we are not angry with the animals: they are what they are, they were born that way. By a reasonable attitude towards others, we save our nerves and health.

In our life we ​​have to communicate with different people, but people are not only good, but also rude and very evil. The question arises: how to learn to fight back such people and not get upset because of their unpleasant insults. To do this, you need to learn for yourself a few techniques of psychological self-defense.

It is very important for each person to have psychological defense skills, that is, to be able to repel emotional blows such as: rudeness, hard look, rudeness received when communicating with people. Also, the negative impact can be from feelings, negative energy. It is necessary to understand the differences between such concepts as security and psychological protection. Security is natural inner strength inherent in a person when he has complete self-confidence, calmness, goodwill and it is almost impossible to bring him out of a state of balance. But psychological protection is necessary in case of self-doubt, resentment and heartache. Therefore, it is very important to help protect yourself.

For psychological protection, there are many different ways to help from the negative impact.

1. At the moment when the pressure on the psyche begins, the most important thing is to preserve peace of mind. It is necessary to take an independent position. When a person realizes that he does not depend on anyone in solving any problems, at that moment he is most protected. The more clearly the interest is visible in any situation, the more vulnerable the person is from this and the stronger the psychological attack. The manipulator, seeing a weak point, will constantly put pressure on him, taking advantage of the weakness of the person. To confront such people, you need to decide on a way to protect yourself from them and mentally erect a shield that will not miss a single attack from that person. This shield will be a strong and reliable wall against which all negative emotions and words of the offender will break. The main thing is not to succumb to provocation and observe everything from the side, as if it does not concern you. It is necessary to learn to react to everything calmly and balanced, while maintaining a cool look. In no case should you show that this situation has greatly excited you. With all this, it is necessary to control your face, and you can even smile and, of course, you need to normalize your breathing. It is necessary to imagine yourself as a sage who looks at everything philosophically. Or vice versa - a great warrior who will not only repel the pressure of the enemy, but also make him flee. It is not in vain that the old wisdom says: "The best defense is an attack."

2. At the moment of manifestation of aggression towards you, it is extremely important to find a point on the body where tension is concentrated, and do everything possible to relax it. After that, it will be much easier to deal with problems. For the most effective solution existing psychological problems after an energy attack, you must use the following techniques:

You need to focus on your pain and breathe through it in your thoughts.

You need to turn on your imagination and try to inhale and exhale positive energy, with such a draft, the pain immediately goes away.

It is necessary to imagine a negative situation as a picture, and turn off the light abruptly, the picture will disappear and all the negativity will go with it.

3. You do not need to live in anticipation of an attack, and even being in a favorable environment for you, you need to take care of prevention. To do this, you need to develop a sense of self-respect and learn to be confident. It is necessary for yourself to determine such a position that you do not wish harm to anyone, but you will not allow anyone to take away yours from you.

It is very important to develop fortitude and positive in yourself:

First of all, everything should be treated with humor. Look for funny moments in failures too.

You need to set yourself up for a positive outcome of any business. It is useful to enjoy every little thing and accept the world around us with optimism.

It is also necessary to learn how to build relationships so that you can deflect the blow. As they say, a bad world is better than good war. Even if you win in a quarrel, a lot of time and effort will still be spent on meaningless showdowns. It is much better to direct your strength and energy in the right direction.