ugly duck

It is generally accepted that the “ugly duckling” complex is “sick” mainly by women, but I do not agree with this: men have something similar, it’s just that these experiences are not so pronounced in them. As a rule, men with this complex are all called insecure and talk about their low self-esteem (see section lack of self-esteem), but in fact, they are the same "ugly ducklings", so everything that I will say below can be safely attributed to them.

A complex arises in childhood or adolescence: the child, looking at himself in the mirror and comparing himself with other children, begins to doubt his own attractiveness. Perhaps some stupid and cruel statements of adults strengthen the child's confidence that he is ugly, thus a complex is born. But over time, the girl (or boy) changes, her (his) appearance becomes much better and more interesting, and soon nothing remains of the clumsy and awkward teenager: the girl becomes a beautiful girl, and the boy becomes a handsome young man. However, the insidiousness of this complex lies in the fact that internally a person still considers himself the worst of all, ugly, stupid, weak, and so on! With a remarkable figure and a nice face, he acts as if he is, to say the least, ugly. Here you have a discrepancy between the external appearance and the inner sense of self!

Of course, you can and should get rid of the complex! A person has no right to underestimate himself! I know many examples of the opposite: an unremarkable person behaves so confidently, as if he is handsome, and, you know, those around him gradually begin to imbue his confidence and see only attractive features in him! Therefore, you urgently need to take care of yourself and your low self-esteem: write in large letters on a piece of paper: “I am the most beautiful, the smartest, the most-most!” - and every day read this saying aloud and to yourself. You can do it differently: get a notebook in which you will enter all the compliments and words of praise that you happen to hear addressed to you. Gradually, you will be surprised to find that you are not so rarely praised, that you are appreciated and loved, and then, perhaps, you will look at yourself with different eyes.

Remember how the ugly duckling learned that he had ceased to be an ugly duckling and turned into a beautiful swan? From other swans! So you have to learn to trust other people; when they say that you are beautiful, smart, interesting and so on, it means that you are really beautiful, smart and interesting. Why do you think that others praise you out of pity? Nonsense, no one will strain for the dubious pleasure of pitying you! So take compliments with confidence and don't forget to say a humble "thank you".

A teenager considers himself ugly: educate or treat

In their youth, even the prettiest guys and girls happened to doubt their attractiveness. Acne, excess weight, bad tan, ridicule of classmates, rudeness of parents - and a girl or a young man begins to spin in front of the mirror for hours, wondering if they are beautiful or not.

Usually the situation is resolved with age: some teenagers begin to accept themselves as they are, others manage to believe in their attractiveness, and others - to correct their appearance. And the fourth remain "ugly ducklings."

A trifling problem can turn into big trouble. Trying to get prettier, the undergrowth can stop eating fully, become depressed or, in despair, even commit suicide. The most important thing here is not to miss the moment, to distinguish in time the ordinary teenage negativism from the pathology that requires the help of a psychologist, or even a psychiatrist.

Dysmorphophobia is a psychological disorder, an obsessive dissatisfaction with supposedly existing defects in appearance. The teenager is sure that he has a big nose or ears, crooked legs, an unpleasant smell, and so on. Regardless of the real state of affairs, he considers himself a "freak", "crippled" and tries with all his might to hide or correct the "flaw". Sometimes he is sure that problems in studies and conflicts with peers stem from appearance. Sometimes the disorder is accompanied by delusional ideas and ritual actions. For example, a girl puts on excessive makeup on her face so that others do not see the "ugliness", hides "terrible" hands in gloves, or leaves the house only in the evenings or at night. A person loses social activity, being interested only in ways to correct appearance. Dysmorphophobia is complicated by depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and hypochondria. Brazilian scientists from the University of Sao Paulo found that up to 14% of the population suffers from it.

Perhaps my fragile ideal is deceptive...

It is known that among the celebrities dissatisfied with their appearance were Marilyn Monroe, Sarah Michelle Gellar and even Lady Gaga. The most famous dysmorphomaniac is Michael Jackson. He went through 13 major plastic surgeries. “I hate to look at my face. I want no one to ever see him,” the singer said in an interview.

The consequence of dysmorphophobia is an obsessive desire to change and improve one's appearance with the help of plastic surgery, implants, and all kinds of injections. A teenager can save up money for an operation for years, beg doctors and parents to save him from a defect. But a person, as a rule, does not stop at one operation, endlessly striving for a non-existent ideal. Variants of dysmorphomania are craving for tattoos, tanorexia (an obsessive desire to tan), excessive passion for piercings.

The most common fixed idea among girls is "Barbie Syndrome". It consists in the desire to become like a famous doll. Blonde hair, use of bright makeup and push-up bras are the most innocent manifestations of this problem. Much more dangerous obsessive desire to lose weight. And since it is physically impossible for most teenage girls to become like Barbie, they begin to hate their bodies. Or the "Barbie syndrome" develops into anorexia - refusal of food, up to starvation. Scandals involving morbidly skinny models and imitating female fans have become so widespread around the world that there has been a campaign against excessive thinness from Italy to the United States. According to statistics, one in two hundred 16-year-old girls suffer from anorexia.

About freaks and people

A truly problematic appearance also gives teenagers a lot of trouble. After all, to be ugly from the position of mass culture means to be unsuccessful. Therefore, a real defect - a scar, a birthmark, a deformation of bones or soft tissues, a skin disease - makes the "ugly duckling" an outcast, repels his peers from him. Parents often do not pay due attention to the situation, subconsciously ashamed of an ugly child or considering his suffering far-fetched - "do not drink water from the face." Or, out of pity, they convince their son or daughter that they are handsome ... and create wonderful grounds for dysmorphophobia.

Adolescent complexes, superimposed on a real defect in appearance, without psychological correction and parental support, can create a stable deformation of the personality. For example, an embittered, full of hatred for attractive people being like Morgiana, the heroine of Green's novel of the same name. Closed, autistic and asocial Quasimodo from Hugo's Les Misérables. A cunning and two-faced cripple with megalomania of the Shakespearean Richard III type. Outrageous "freak", masking ugliness with extravagant clothes and bad manners, like Edward Rochester, a character in Bronte's novel "Jane Eyre." Or just a dull loser, confident in his own unattractiveness.

Character or disease?

You should contact specialists, and possibly hospitalize a teenager who is dissatisfied with his appearance, if he has the following symptoms:

Sudden weight loss (20% or more) combined with bad breath, decayed teeth, brittle dull hair, cessation of menstruation and breast growth in girls;

Constantly depressed mood, withdrawal into oneself, refusal to communicate with peers, attend school, studios, entertainment events;

Concentration on the shortcomings of appearance, confidence that “everyone pays attention to how ugly I am”, a constant return to this topic in conversations, social networks;

Attempts to harm yourself (cut veins, cut off a birthmark, tip of the nose or ear, drink vinegar "for weight loss");

Constant refusal of food, uncontrolled bouts of hunger;

Refusal to be photographed due to "ugliness";

Unwillingness to leave the house without covering the “defect” with clothes, a special hairstyle, a bandage;

Frequent references to suicide as a way to solve all problems.

From outcast to star - one step

If psychological problems develop into prolonged depression, anorexia, or are caused by mental illness (schizophrenia, paranoia), alas, one cannot do without serious treatment. But in most cases, you can manage on your own.

Have a heart to heart talk with your teenager. Give the example of movie stars - Charlie Chaplin, Barbara Streisand, Faina Ranevskaya, Whoopi Goldberg - they are all ugly. Chaplin was also short, Ranevskaya was overweight, the magnificent Streisand had uneven teeth and the ugliest nose in Hollywood. These shortcomings did not prevent them from becoming stars. By the way, Angelina Jolie hates her famous lips, Megan Fox has a complex because of short thumbs, and Britney Spears is annoyed by long toes. It's not about appearance, but about the ability to present yourself, inner strength, the ability to charm and be charming.

Consult with a stylist and hairdresser what colors, styles, hairstyles are suitable for a teenager. With the help of small tricks, you can hide defects in appearance and figure flaws, emphasizing attractive features.

Tell me how to take care of myself. Explain why it is important to shower daily, brush your teeth, and wear fresh underwear and neat clothes. Choose with him body and hair care products, cosmetic preparations for teenage skin. Make sure that in the wardrobe of your son or daughter there are several fashionable youth items.

If appearance defects require surgical correction, consult an orthodontist, orthopedist, or plastic surgeon.

If the defect is contrived, agree that you will do it after the age of 18 - perhaps he will "outgrow" the problem.

Wouldn't hurt to take courses in communication techniques. A person who is smiling, able to listen and give compliments finds friends more easily. And to raise self-esteem, advise an activity or hobby that attracts people of the opposite sex. For girls - intellectual board games, paintball, for boys - photography, playing the guitar, modern dances.

And most importantly - support the teenager, praise him, prove that you love and accept him as he is.

Photo: september.ru, eva.ru, doctorpiter.ru

Many people around the world suffer from the ugly duckling complex. And, despite the fact that he may seem harmless to someone, this is not at all the case.

A person with a psychological ugly duckling complex feels like a "stranger at the celebration of life." He considers himself a failure, believes that he is bad, and everyone around is good. The ugly duckling tends to avoid conflict, even to the detriment of its own interests. He always yields to everyone, he is grateful for insignificant attention, he is ready to take the blame on himself in any situation, even ... .. for children starving in Africa.

It's not hard to become an ugly duckling. This psychological complex is rooted in early childhood. on the part of parents contribute to the formation in the child of a sense of his own imperfection and insecurity, contribute to the formation. Sometimes one carelessly thrown phrase is enough (All children are like children, and you! Who needs you! You are so weak. Look at yourself in the mirror! You are bad! Etc.) for a vulnerable child to begin to believe that he is the worst of all. "Mommy Duck" endlessly compares him with other children (of course, not in favor of the "duckling"!). For a small person, his parents are a mirror in which he sees himself. And this mirror constantly repeats that “he is not like everyone else”, that “his brains are on one side”, etc. etc. And the “duckling” believes in this “mirror”, for who should be trusted, if not the parents! The poor kid does not yet know that mirrors are different, including crooked ones. And he begins to consider himself bad, unnecessary, not like everyone else.

But the "ugly ducklings" are often really different, but not with a minus sign, but with a plus sign. Workaholism is very common among people with this psychological complex. It is understandable - a good job makes them feel needed. But the “ugly duckling” does not know how to relax, as it immediately begins to feel its uselessness. "Ugly ducklings", as a rule, become hypersensitive people, and this sensitivity very often fails them. If for any reason the person whom the “duckling” considers a friend cannot pay attention to him, he immediately cringes and withdraws into himself, as he believes that he is being persecuted, although the reason may be completely harmless - for example, in a person it might just be a headache.

Having created a family, the “duckling” strives to serve the partner to such an extent that it becomes obsessive. And it often happens that a marriage partner, unable to withstand hyper-custody, leaves. The “duckling” pampers children to such an extent that they grow up completely unadapted to life and are ready to sit on his neck until the end of their days, while experiencing neither gratitude, nor respect, nor remorse. The "duckling", as a rule, does not oppose this - after all, it is so important for him to feel needed by someone.

In the fairy tale, the "ugly duckling" becomes a beautiful swan. And what can be done in real life to overcome this complex?

The "ugly duckling" in order to realize that he is a swan (which, by the way, he really is!) Needs to develop self-confidence, for this there are. You need to change your attitude towards yourself: stop looking for flaws, and look for virtues. Elementary auto-training can help a lot with this. You need to learn how to express your dissatisfaction. At first it may not be easy, but after trying it once or twice, a person finds that there is nothing wrong with it. After all, as a rule, “fear has big eyes”.

And finally, I would like to wish the “ugly ducklings” to look at themselves in the mirror more often with their own eyes, and not through the eyes of the inhabitants of the “bird yard”. Look deep into yourself, try and at some point you will definitely see a beautiful swan there!

They say that even the most beautiful woman often doubts her beauty. But on the other hand, a man with a belly, a bald head and a three-day stubble is always, damn it, irresistible! And this is understandable. Girls (unlike boys) are taught to doubt their appearance from childhood. Once again, they are made comments about untidiness, clumsy gait, disheveled pigtails.

And it's not bad when adults do not go too far. But what if they still overdid it? If the stick is bent, it will break. If a girl is scolded and scolded every day, she will acquire an "ugly duckling" complex.

I recently counseled a woman who was convinced that she was incapable of becoming beautiful. We have analyzed the problem in all its bones, and I am sure that this article will be useful even to the written beauties, since even very beautiful women suffer from this complex, but this does not bring anyone any benefit ...

“For as long as I can remember, I almost never had beautiful fashionable clothes, I always felt worse in this respect compared to my peers. Our family did not live richly, and our parents had four - all girls. Of course, it was difficult for parents When I thought about your question, I remembered the feelings with which I had to go to any kind of solemn events with my parents - guests, weddings with relatives or friends, etc. This there was a terrible feeling that you were poorly dressed against the background of others, but you definitely need to go there. Then I went to parties at school or institute with similar feelings. And there it seemed that they didn’t notice me. The boys didn’t notice me, and then guys - others are invited to dance, but I seem to be invisible, I'm not there ... Yes, and I didn’t really succeed in dancing ... "

First, a person has an IDEA about himself, and then he will always find justification for this idea in his life. Everything that does not fit this idea or somehow refutes it - he will erase from memory; and everything that confirms it will be savored all its life.

But this is just an idea, a phantom, a mind game.

I once advised a woman who always thought she was "something different" and no one ever liked her. There were thousands of reasons for this. But having taken up the description of her biography, she remembered how, in the fifth grade, a very handsome boy offered her friendship, but she was so embarrassed (of herself, unlucky) that she ignored his offer. Then, in the eighth grade, another most beautiful boy even invited her to visit, and treated her to tea and cake. Of course, she didn't visit him again. Complexes...

It turned out that she was NORMAL, and even very ATTRACTIVE, but since she considered herself the "Ugly duckling" - she did not notice this. So she lived until the age of thirty-five with the conviction that she had never attracted anyone.

But she could have married well, and found a job better ... Yes, and in exams, personal charm is also a useful thing. Eh!

Our heroine has the same thing: she decided that no one wants to notice her - and she just always looked for confirmation of this. Well, I tried to behave in such a way that no one noticed her. She put on herself the stigma of "invisible" - and lives with him. And the fact that it brings a lot of inconvenience is nothing, it can be endured, because it is so difficult for us to give up old habits. But this does not mean that we are obliged to live with them all our lives?!

“For some time now, I even decided for myself that I probably don’t remember people that they don’t see me. Therefore, I never knew whether I should greet this or that person: I know him by sight, and he or she probably doesn’t remember me, although we move in the same society ... At the same time, I have never been a homebody, I studied at a music studio, went to different circles. Everywhere I had good, human, friendly relations, you can even say, a certain authority. And in this I also saw some kind of dissonance, inconsistency: on the one hand, they appreciate me and are happy to communicate, but on the other hand, they do not notice. There is an opinion that if a woman does not have made up lips, then, going out into the street , she feels naked... It's exactly the opposite for me: if I have lashes, then it seems to me that everyone around is looking at me ... I didn't want to "be a woman", but I didn't want to be a boy - no. I had a braid, I wore skirts, etc. But I was somehow not like that, anyway, so many it seemed..."

In Andersen's fairy tale, the ugly duckling, realizing that others do not like it, decided to hide from them and live alone.

The ugly duckling was told from childhood that he was not beautiful, wrong, ugly. If a person is constantly told that he is a pig, he grunts. If a girl is told that she is ugly, she will look for confirmation of this all her life. Your parents also told you this, plus, you yourself found a lot of evidence that you are not beautiful. So you decided to close on your problem.

In a fairy tale, the ugly duckling was lucky: when he grew up, he met beautiful swans who were glad to see him - and all his problems were solved on their own.

Everything is different in people's lives. First they need to understand the essence of their problem, identify the roots of its occurrence, forgive their failures, and not look for people who will appreciate you, understand and admire you. You are not an ugly duckling - you are human. And you can begin to love yourself, enjoy your opportunities in life and embody them.

To get out of the "ugly duckling" scenario - you can not hide from your problems, and hope for a miracle that somehow you yourself will one day become a beautiful swan, meet other beautiful swans - and you will be happy. If you continue to live according to this scenario, you run the risk of remaining an ugly duckling who is always hiding from his problems.

“My figure is a cross between an hourglass and a rectangle. There is no excess weight. If you think about it, many of my peers may envy me in this matter - because in March I will be 48 years old. Problem areas: slightly long arms and protruding ears. Last - the biggest problem of my youth and youth."

In Japan, protruding ears are considered a sign of a woman's beauty and sexuality. Therefore, there are many models with such ears.

If a woman considers this a disadvantage, then, as a rule, she wears loose hair. Not necessarily short hair. You can make yourself light curls. I have a friend who wears this hairstyle all her life. She already has a habit: she woke up in the morning - turned on the thermal curlers. This hairstyle is relevant at any age, and, by the way, men consider it the most beautiful and feminine.

“From childhood to the age of twenty, I wore my hair braided. You wrote that it was beautiful for a woman, but in my case it was a problem - my ears were visible. It was especially terrible that when I was worried or paid attention to me - they blushed and seemed to me to become even more noticeable.About the age of twenty, I cut my hair (due to hair loss, the braid became too thin), but the habit of having my hair tied up remained, and I began to wear my hair in a ponytail. Only after entering your course did I decide to change my hairstyle, but only partially - I cover my ears with hair, and then I collect my hair in a knot at the back of my head.I understand that on my head I have almost the same thing as before, but at least my ears are less visible ..."

You see, if a girl has been instilled with the habit of considering herself ugly since childhood, if it has been hammered into her head that she is far from being beautiful, she will do everything possible to become even more beautiful.

I remember these girls. In childhood, their parents call them "Chicken" or "Macaque", "Pig" - because they, like all other children, sometimes get dirty.

The girl gets used from the most tender age that she is "Chicken" and "Pig" - and then for the rest of her life she confirms this image: at school she always has soiled clothes, disheveled hair, no bows, collars, laid bangs and other beauties. If she has thin legs, she will definitely emphasize their thinness even more by wearing black tights (which make her legs even thinner) and short skirts. But you can wear white tights or in a bright flower, a cage, horizontal stripes (this will visually make the legs wider), or trousers - and there will be nothing left of the lack. Plus, you can go in for sports, pump muscles and eat well - and there will be no problem. But no, "Macaque" and "Chicken" will never do this!

In your case, you just always emphasized your ears. Although there are girls who wear squares and curls from the first grade, and no one knows about their lack. Why? Because they are Princesses, and from childhood they are convinced of this.

"... Sometimes I think about a short haircut. But on the one hand, you wrote about the beauty of a braid and long hair in a woman, on the other hand, for some reason my husband insists on long hair and always used to be indignant when I periodically went to the hairdresser" shorten "your tail. In general, I'm not very good with hair and hairstyles ..."

Who is your husband? Professional stylist and hairdresser? If not, here's a simple tactic for you:

Always agree with your husband, but do everything only in your own way: "Yes, honey, you're right: a long braid is cool ... Why did I cut it off and made myself a fashionable hairstyle? Yes, I'm a woman, I'm so emotional, sensitive - forgive me, next time I will take into account all your wishes ... "

And you can take into account the wishes of a professional hairdresser - it's your hair. In this case, the wolves will be full, and the sheep are safe.

"... Type of appearance: summer. I used to know that burgundy-crimson and blue-blue colors suit me. I loved and love to wear red. Before, when I saw something red, I could buy it with confidence and wear. Now it seems wrong to me - there is too much red in my wardrobe, and for some time I began to forbid myself red things ... "

If you like red, wear red. Red in combination with black is generally a classic.

"...Makeup: I have never used makeup. I didn't like the results of my inept attempts to complete the course task, and I stopped them..."

Remember Sisyphus? Who was condemned to drag a heavy stone up a mountain all his life? But pushing him to the top, this stone always rolled down - and Sisyphus had to do it again and again.

This is the script for your life.

You are trying to do something, and it shows in your letter. Work hard, spend time and energy. But having reached almost the victorious end, when you can stretch a little more and reach the top, and then reap the laurels of your labors, you stop, once again convincing yourself that you will never succeed.

As a rule, in such a scenario, a person is convinced that he does not deserve the best in this life, and is not able to do something worthwhile, no matter how hard he tries. He also likes to scroll in his imagination all the future misfortunes in his life, because subconsciously he is convinced that everything will still be bad, no matter what I do.

His life is hard and hard - he works hard, but does not allow himself to get results. Sisyphean labor is about him.

There is only one way to deal with this scenario - to bring the matter to the end! And it doesn't matter that you don't believe in yourself, and the parent inside you repeats in an edifying tone: "Such a Hen and Sloppy is not able to look decent NEVER!"

These are just beliefs imposed on you from the outside - and you can always refuse them!

Get down to business more seriously. Browse makeup tutorials for your type of appearance. Start small - and gradually, step by step, you will master everything that an ordinary makeup artist knows. After some time of hard work, you will realize that applying daily makeup is as natural for a woman as breastfeeding.

"...Wardrobe: I've been wearing the same things for years (figure allows), I'm not particularly fashionable. To complete the task, I bought (forced myself to buy) new things for myself, but most of these were unsuccessful purchases, and I often heard from relatives (husband, mother) not admiration, but vice versa - they pointed out what was wrong ... "

You understand what's the matter, you were brought up from childhood in such a way that you are WRONG, and you cannot do anything right. Of course, your parents wanted the best, and hoped to make you a better person. They still hope... And you don't mind... You are used to being insecure in yourself, relying on the opinions of others, even if these others themselves do not understand what they advise you.

If a mother tells her daughter from childhood that she dresses badly (and generally does everything wrong), it means that she suppresses her. And the daughter has no choice but to live depressed all her life. It is not surprising that you and a husband found the same for yourself, who will tell you what hairstyle to wear and what dress to wear (as if he understands this).

In fact, buying things in the store is not at all difficult when you clearly know what you need to buy. And in order to know this, you need to figure out what suits you, what improves your figure and complexion. Read a couple of books on the subject, study street fashion (google "street fashion"). Just by looking at what other women are wearing, you gradually begin to understand what to wear to you. There will also be an understanding of what is fashionable and what is not. The more information on the topic you study, the more you will believe in yourself.

Never buy a thing immediately after trying it on. Take a walk, think about whether you need it - save so much money, believe my experience :). I myself do not like to fill the closet with fashionable things that do not suit me - and I focus on the classics. It is enough to have fashionable accessories to always look trendy.

"... My daughter admires when she sees me in a new dress. But her opinion seems biased to me - she just wants her mother to look beautiful, but I can't, I can't. And most importantly: I have to TEACH HER "to look beautiful , to create a beautiful image, "- but I myself don’t know how, I can’t do it ... "

It was not the gods who burned the pots. Don't be afraid to take on a new job. The Ark was created by an amateur - professionals made the Titanic.

"... I have read a lot of materials from your course and mailing lists, as well as from other sources, but the matter has hardly moved forward. I do not know how to choose things. I am afraid to go shopping - there are so many things. When I buy them I sort through, then I don’t like everything, I can’t imagine myself wearing them. I’m sorry to spend money on things that at home will immediately turn into unnecessary ... "

Set a clear goal - to buy only one specific thing, what you need. Find this thing on the Internet or in a magazine, decide what you like and fit. Then, going to the store, just know: it lies somewhere not far from you - and you will definitely find it. And it is likely that it will be even better than you thought. It always works for me. The main thing is a positive attitude :).

You see, your inner child is responsible for buying things. As a child, I'm sure you had no problem what to buy - you just went to the store and wanted this, that, and that toy over there. They all liked you, fit and gave pleasure. If you wake up your inner child and learn to get along with him, he will definitely pick up the perfect things for you in which you will look great. You can do Art Therapy. Draw for yourself what you want to buy (even if you can’t draw, don’t bother, the main thing is that you understand what you are drawing). Then send this thing a kiss, give it a candy, stroke it with your finger, and say: "Come to my house, I will hang you on this wonderful hanger, in this beautiful locker. I will smother you with my favorite perfume, I will look after you , cherish you and cherish you. I will be very glad to see you! Hurry to catch my eye as soon as possible - you will be very happy at my house! "

The main thing when doing Art therapy is to do everything in a good mood, and to believe that you are creating real magic that will hurry to come true. And it will come true, where should he go!

I know one saleswoman in a boutique who sells everything perfectly. As soon as the customer tries on the shoes and leaves, this saleswoman approaches the shoes and begins to "conjure". She strokes them and tells them: "You will be fine at home, it's better at home!" - and the shoes always come back to buy them!

Why don't you use this magic too? After all, the ability to attract the right things into your life is a skill that is quite achievable. It would be intention!

"... I don't know how to do my own makeup. The more I read advice and recommendations about this, the more I understand that I won't be able to master it. It seems to me that at my age it's better without makeup than with bad .. ."

Not true! Start small and gradually build up your knowledge.

I don't know a woman who wouldn't go for (pencil) eyeliner and mascara. My mom is sixty and it suits her. It suits everyone else too - because. eyes become larger and more expressive.

See how daytime makeup, nude makeup (invisible makeup) is done. Learn to do it. Gradually replenishing your knowledge and practicing - you will succeed. Watch video makeup tutorials on YouTube, read additional articles on the web on this topic.

Believe me, you are smart enough to build your "Ark", which will bring you to the shores of femininity and beauty! The main thing is to start.

I wish you success!

Oksana Dupliakina

8 chose

172 years ago, the most famous fairy tale was first published in Denmark Hans Christian Andersen a - "Ugly duck". The storyteller wrote, they say, about himself. Tall, thin and awkward, and even with a long nose, he endured ridicule from his peers from childhood. But he always knew that it was he who was to become a beautiful swan and stand out from the crowd of cackling poultry. In general, fairy tales are often associated with psychology, and psychology - with fairy tales. And "ugly ducklings" can be found not only on the pages of books, but also in real life.

In psychology, there is even such a concept - the "ugly duckling" complex. We are talking about people who consider themselves ugly, not like everyone else and unworthy of love. And this persistent conviction day after day and year after year poisons their lives.

This complex is formed, as in a fairy tale, in childhood under the influence of the environment. To one girl, the picky grandmother always pointed out the flaws in her appearance, the parents called the other a slut, and the third was bullied by angry classmates. Some of these troubles may not break. But some will sincerely believe in their imperfections, come to terms with them and continue to play the role of "ugly ducklings" in adult life: they will be embarrassed by their appearance and afraid to communicate with people, expecting ridicule and condemnation. Like the Ugly Duckling who decided to become a hermit. Moreover, being confident in their imperfections, such "ducklings" subconsciously look for confirmation of them and diligently do not notice the positive signs of fate.

To recognize the problem in such a situation is difficult, to get rid of the habits of being invisible is even more difficult. But it is necessary to act, otherwise you can live your whole life waiting for a flock of swans that will accept you. To begin with, it is worth sorting out your surroundings: get rid of people who reduce your self-esteem. And such characters can hide even under a mask best friends. Start doing what you are good at. Do you have a talent for sports? This means that in the sports section you will be loved and respected.

It is worth thinking about changes in appearance. Sometimes the "ugly ducklings" themselves emphasize their shortcomings. I know a woman who has always been embarrassed by slightly protruding ears and at the same time all her life (!) Wears her hair combed back. Try to drastically change your makeup, hairstyle and clothing style. And maybe, looking in the mirror, you will finally see a white swan.

Increasingly, I come to the conclusion that beauty is not so much in appearance as in the head. One girl finds herself attractive and finds ways to emphasize her strengths and hide her flaws. The other is sure that she looks bad, and instead of working on her appearance, she tries to hide from people. And as a result, it really becomes invisible and a gray mouse.

Have you met people who suffered from such a complex?