People who come to me for advice are often guided by mental pain, it occurs against the backdrop of some unpleasant events in life. But the request is such that the client just wants to get rid of this pain, asks for a magic pill that will instantly stop this torment.

Is mental pain really that bad? How can it help us in life and why does it exist?

This is what I want to talk to you about in this article.

What is mental pain, and how does it arise?

Heartache is a combination of several negative emotions associated with a negative (as the person evaluates it) event.

• What emotions can cause emotional pain?

Resentment, anger, longing, anxiety, sadness, envy, guilt and shame, rage, anger, disgust and much more. There are situations in which a complex of these emotions arises. They also affect the human condition. Because of the inability to understand what is happening, a person suffers and feels uncomfortable.

Desire to get rid of pain.

When a person feels bad, then, as a rule, there is a completely natural desire to get rid of it. After all, liberation will bring relief, and suffering will end.

• Do I need to get rid of the pain right away?

The point is that our emotions are not meant to torment us. They are designed to signal. About what? About what is happening in the world. They help us understand how to act and respond to a particular event. But, as a rule, a person does not know or does not know how to use this tool.

But it contains great resources for positive changes in life.

How does pain help us change ourselves and change the world around us?

Pain causes a feeling of discomfort. The simplest example. The person is sick but does not experience any symptoms. How does he know he is sick? Here, unpleasant sensations in the body come to the rescue. This causes anxiety in a person, and he seeks to understand what happened to him, goes to the doctor.

Mental pain works on the same principle. When the soul hurts, then the person understands that something in his life is going wrong.

But here we are just starting to act on a different principle. Instead of turning to, for example, a psychologist, we are looking for various ways to drown out the pain. Like the use of analgin, we take, for example, alcohol or indulge in various relationships that will not bring benefits, and much more.

If you pay attention, the path is the same as with physical pain - to understand the cause and be healed.

How to heal from heartache

1. Understand the reason.

If you are tormented by inner pain, then remember if there were any unpleasant events or disturbing news. Mentally run through your life (for example, through recent events), try to highlight exactly those situations that strongly attract your attention.

1. Read signals.

Then turn within yourself. Determine what emotions are tormenting or bothering you. Write them down on a piece of paper. It can be a list or a little reflection. It is not always possible to immediately determine what exactly boils in the soul. Then you can think freely. Try asking yourself: "Is it resentment? Is it anger? Is it longing?" And listen carefully to what is happening inside, to what emotions the soul responds.

1. Consider emotions.

Every emotion has its own meaning. Try to determine for yourself what emotions are telling you, what message they bring to you. For example, resentment is unjustified expectations, anger is a feeling of powerlessness, lack of understanding of how to change the situation for the better, or violation of boundaries. Draw your portrait of emotions. Write down the message.

1. React emotions.

In order for the pain to finally go away (at the third stage it should already become much easier, and sometimes completely), react to emotions with your body. Feel what you want to do? Maybe run, stomp your feet, jump, dance. Feel these emotions in your body and let them come out physically.

After all these manipulations, the pain should go away. Thus, you will not only heal from unpleasant sensations, but also maintain the health of your body. They say that all diseases are from the nerves. There is truth in this. After all, unreacted emotions often block physical health.

If you can’t work out the situation on your own, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist. With a specialist it is always easier to understand what is happening.

Health and happiness to you!

This is a state of mind that is not associated with disorders of body functions. Mental disorder leads to mental pain. Then they say "my soul hurts." Mental pain occurs when we are very worried about some event or a person close to us.

heartache may not let go of a person when his ideas do not agree with what happens in reality. Most of our experiences leading to depression (often long-term and not passing) arise due to patterns that have formed in our brain, and the reality is completely different from what we expected it to be. This leads to disappointment and heartache.

How is emotional pain experienced?

A person can experience mental pain clearly - and this is good, because emotions are expressed and fade over time. Or a person experiences mental pain secretly, and sometimes, suffering, does not want to admit it to himself. Then he gets rid of mental pain in several ways. Mental pain is transferred from the conscious sensation to the subconscious. A person thinks that he is no longer suffering, but this is not so. In fact, it applies the methods:

• pain avoidance
• resistance to pain by transferring it to the subconscious

If a person is more inclined to demonstrate his feelings and actions, then he begins to look for a way out of getting rid of mental pain, he can consult with acquaintances, friends, or seek salvation in removing the root of the problem. For example, relationships with children cause mental pain - then a person is looking for ways to find a common language with them.

The method of avoidance is that a person simply does not recognize the problem, says that everything is fine with him and does not even admit to himself that he is sick in soul because of something. Then the mental pain remains, but it passes into an implicit, subconscious form, and it is very difficult to get rid of this state, it torments a person much longer, like an open recognition and pronunciation of a problem.

Hidden heartache

Such pain can last for years, changing the character, actions of a person and affecting his relationship with others - relatives, colleagues. A person with heartache may begin to attract negative people into his life, change the level of acquaintances or refuse them altogether, having stopped communicating with people.

Mental pain does not allow a person to create, well, with a soul, to work, it even changes the character of a person. At the same time, he may not even understand what is happening to him.

Some situations may remind a person of the one that caused him mental pain many years ago. But a person who drove his emotions into the subconscious many years ago can cry and worry, not understanding what is happening to him, just watching some scene from a movie.

In such cases, if you yourself cannot cope with mental pain, you need the help of a psychiatrist, psychologist or just a loved one who can listen to you and understand you.

Heartache by Edwin Shneidman

Psychologist Shneidman gave the following definition of mental pain: “It is in no way similar to bodily or physical pain. Mental pain is those experiences that a person feels as a person. Heartache is pain for one's own unique human self.

mental pain arises as suffering, torment, melancholy, confusion. Mental pain is generated by grief, loneliness, feelings of guilt, shame, humiliation, fear of something inevitable - death, aging, physical illness.

According to Shneidman, mental pain is as real to a person as any other real event: "When a person experiences mental pain, its introspective reality does not cause him any doubts."

Don't let the heartache return

There is scientific evidence that we are in a state of depression for only a quarter of an hour, the rest of the time we ourselves create mental pain for ourselves, prolong it and aggravate it.

Therefore, it is important not to return the heartache again. return heartache contribute to similar situations that led to a state of mental pain. Once in a bad situation again, it is important to get out of it or at least react differently in order to avoid a repetition of heartache.

How to get rid of mental pain?

To get rid of mental pain, one way is to eliminate its cause. If among the causes of mental pain is the behavior of a person, his attitude towards you, your conflicts with someone, then you need to remove these causes, and not work with your emotions in relation to them.

For example, if you're having trouble with your boss at work that causes you heartache, it's worth working on your relationship with him, not how you feel about it. That is, removing the very cause of heartache: finding a common language with your boss or quitting - perhaps this is not your way.

If mental pain is caused by a situation that can no longer be changed (for example, the death or illness of a loved one), it is worth working on your emotions and perception of reality. An experienced psychologist can help with this if you can’t cope on your own.

How do you deal with the pain of losing someone or something?

It is very difficult. For psychological rehabilitation in case of loss, for example, of a loved one, it takes from six months to a year. And only then you can start building a love relationship with another person, psychologists advise. Otherwise, you will go in the same circle and make the same mistakes.

To deal with heartache in case of loss, you must, firstly, admit to yourself that the situation has already happened. This will ease your condition, open the way for pain. Secondly, you need to go through a period of pain, come to your senses. Don't rush into this.

And then you need to build a new future for yourself without this person or these circumstances. For example, without a loved one or a favorite job. Build everything in detail so that you can imagine "what and how will happen to you when this is not there." Most often, the real world really becomes the way you build it for yourself in your imagination.

Do not confuse emotional pain with other emotions

Heartache can actually hide under other masks. Therefore, it can be confused, for example, with anger, resentment, disappointment. That is, in fact, you experience other emotions, and the ways of liberation from them are different. Understanding what you are experiencing and how to mitigate or transform these feelings will help a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Physical pain is actually much easier to stop than mental pain. If not medical assistance, then upon reaching a certain pain threshold, the body will “turn off” your consciousness itself. But mental suffering, as the experience of many shows, can continue almost indefinitely.

I once heard from my client a phrase that perfectly conveys this fear: “I am afraid of constant emotional suffering.” Yes, indeed, a person is afraid that he will not be able to stop his mental pain, and not without reason - the human brain works even in a dream, and most often it is he who is the source of mental pain.

But let's take a closer look at its "anatomy".

Article navigation Where does heartache come from?

For many, it is no secret that under the influence of certain bodily factors, mood can change. Hormones play a very important role in this.

There are also factors that are difficult to see with the naked eye: a person may be deficient in certain chemicals that can affect their mood (such as a deficiency of serotonin or dopamine), but not know about it.

Often, if this deficiency is acute enough, it can lead to chronic, what doctors call endogenous, increased anxiety, depression, apathy, or uncontrollable mood swings.

And if you notice that your depressed state is not corrected by any psychological methods, then most likely you should examine your body chemistry as seriously as possible.

But now we are going to talk about what happens to ordinary people, to most of us - fluctuations in the emotional background, which can be unpleasant, but not sharp and do not last very long. However, this is often perceived as heartache.

Most women, for example, experience symptoms of premenstrual syndrome or mood swings after childbirth, during breastfeeding. These sudden mood swings are common to men as well, it's just that hormonal fluctuations in men are harder to track than in women.

As a rule, the situation is similar for both men and women. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, everything began to seem disgusting, to annoy everyone, or vice versa - indifference rolled in, all desires disappeared.

To begin with, of course, it is worth thinking about the reasons. How - we will talk about this below. But if you understand well that there are no obvious reasons, and the processes that are taking place in your life do not “pull” in any way on the cause of such drastic changes, most likely it is physiology.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do about it in emergency mode. Indeed, in order to find out what kind of reason led to such a chemical failure, a whole program of analyzes is needed. And while you (even if you wanted to) did this, the state would have exhausted itself long ago.

There is only one way to deal with this - do not draw any serious conclusions from this. At the very least, don't do it right away.

Often a person begins to focus on this state, to experience it as something significant that determines his entire future life. And it is perceived, of course, as heartache, and in all seriousness.

Through the prism of this state, he thinks about whether he is doing the right thing in life, and sometimes takes rash steps.

In my practice, there was an example when a woman, being subject to periods of such a state, each time began to think that she needed to part with her husband. Claims, quarrels began, she had the feeling that their marriage did not work out, that there was no understanding, that everything rests only on children.

She literally started packing her bags. And then, after a few days, all this state seemed to dissolve. The feeling of hopelessness and total loneliness, alienation, disappeared, and the woman realized that she did not have a single truly deep claim to her husband.

It passed, in return came the understanding: even if there is something to work on in a relationship, everything is not so serious as to devalue their marriage.

Interestingly, all this was not tied to the monthly cycle, she visited this state rather once every few months. Perhaps it was tied to some seasons, we were not able to find out until the end.

Something else is important. She underwent a medical examination, but it did not reveal anything serious. Her fatigue from periods of emerging states of acute despair and hopelessness was already very great. But we managed to develop a different attitude towards him.

We are not only what is happening to us at the moment. Emotions, especially when they are related to physiology, like wind, ebb and flow, like rain - what can you do about the fact that this is happening?

Think: in different periods of life you experience different feelings and are in different states. And all this is you. Joy and sadness, suffering and delight, mental activity and physical activity, logic and intuition perfectly coexist in a person.

At each moment in time, the state of a person is determined by several leading factors. And they change depending on life situations, health status, the presence / absence of support and warmth, the availability of space for oneself, the environment, the environment, etc.

Can we, falling into one of our many states, consider it the only true one and draw conclusions from it about our whole life? No. However, this is exactly what often happens, as in the example of that woman who made very global conclusions about her life based on a temporary state.

The observer is that part of the personality that helps you experience the state, immerse yourself in it, if you need it, not suppress the feelings you are experiencing, but at the same time remain “in touch” with the understanding that this state is temporary, and can nothing serious yet.

The observer is something like a black box in an airplane. He records and remembers everything that happens. Only unlike the plane's box, you can decrypt it at any time. It is the observer who will tell you that this has already happened to you.

The observer is a mechanism of internal reflection, it is a constant critical look at oneself. Critical in the sense of "from outside", not in the sense of "critical". This is the one who will help not only to see what is happening, but also to remind, for example, that this has already happened to you, and when.

In order to form an observer in yourself, imagine that you are telling someone about what is happening to you. Train yourself to do this all the time, as if you were writing a book about yourself every day and voicing this text inside yourself.

It does not have to be a highly artistic work, it is important only for you. The most important thing in this text is to start by naming your feelings: “I am angry”, “this annoys me”, “I feel sad”, “I feel depressed and desperate” or “I feel really delighted”, “I am very calm” , "I feel sympathy", etc.

Over time, you may no longer need this text, you will observe yourself without words, but words at first help a lot not to identify yourself 100% with the emotional background inside you.

I want to pay attention once again: to observe is not to suppress feelings, not to forbid oneself to experience them. It's just to see what is happening as if a little from the side and be able to describe your state for yourself. While continuing to naturally experience the feelings that are relevant at the moment.

A person who does not have this inner observer is just more likely to suppress his feelings than the one who has one. By naming a feeling, you make it conscious, clear to yourself. And by not naming it and not wanting to watch it, you are likely to repress it before it has become clear to you.

But, what is most interesting, it is in the case of insufficient awareness of your feelings and motives that you begin to act under the influence of this state. There are no feelings, but there is action.

A person in this state describes his actions as follows: “when he did / said something, I wanted to do / say something in response, I did, and this led to that.” More often - to something not very desirable.

Look carefully: the action of the other is described and the response that occurs immediately, without understanding - why it is so, on the basis of what, what feelings and motives led to it.

And most importantly, a person seems to deprive himself of the choice of this reaction, acts "on the machine", and under the influence of this temporary emotion, which he himself does not even really know about.

It is not surprising that people in this situation step on the same rake, do not learn from their mistakes, and most importantly, the heartache in their lives is growing day by day.

The picture of such an attitude to life and to others reminds me of a battlefield where everyone is hitting each other blindly, not understanding who is friend and who is enemy, receiving blows from all sides and not being able to stop all this violence.

Having an observer helps you come to an understanding of what, when, how and for what reasons you are reacting, where your heartache comes from. Isolate later in this some kind of system. Get to know yourself better and learn to manage yourself.

To manage is far from the same as to suppress and control. To manage is to understand the essence of one's reactions and to be able to make a free choice regarding these reactions.

Yes, not in all cases you can fully make this choice - just when your state is dictated by physiology, then perhaps you cannot change the state itself, but you can change the attitude towards it.

And by doing this, you will already achieve a serious advantage - you will stop “winding yourself up” and aggravating an already unhappy state with its negative assessment, you will not “raise the degree” of this state due to suffering about the fact that it exists at all.

But in most cases, you can not only change the attitude, you can change the state itself, if you are aware of it and can understand its causes. We will talk about this further.

Conflict of expectations and reality

The heartache mostly stems from this conflict. Do you have an expectation/desire for it to be so. Reality is not always disposed to this expectation to realize exactly how and exactly when and how and when you would like.

Moreover, the person himself puts too many conditions on reality: it should be now / tomorrow, it should come from that person, in this form, and if everything does not happen in this way, then you experience resentment, impotence, pain and suffering .

Even the Buddha said that desires are suffering, and if we get too attached to them, then we suffer very much. But a person cannot but desire, and the one who does not want anything and does not strive anywhere is also unlikely to be happy and productive.

How to find the balance point in this process? Form your own hierarchy of values, realize what is important for you and what is not very important, be able to isolate the essence of your desires and not put too many conditions on the universe.

In this process of clarifying the relationship between reality and expectations, there are several points that you should pay attention to.

1. Degree of importance

We do not always understand what we really want, what we are ready for. A person fantasizes that he could have a job like an acquaintance, but at the same time he does not know all its possible side effects.

We create our own ideas about something sometimes on the basis of distorted or incomplete information. As in this example with work - not knowing everything, a person snatches some pieces from the surrounding reality: a high salary, a prestigious social status, project management.

But in fact, an acquaintance sometimes takes work home, he is sometimes called on weekends, his boss is a complete tyrant, and the team is so-so. An acquaintance, perhaps, is ready to put up with this for all the above advantages, but whether you are ready to put up with it and just with this is a big question.

Or, for example, do you want meet your soul mate. And you also begin to collect the image of the “prince” from pieces - once your first young man, whom you parted with “foolishly”, had blue eyes. And now you definitely want blue ones, because you have created a belief for yourself: “with blue eyes it will definitely be fun”, which was the last guy.

And the friend’s husband is an IT specialist, he is calm and does not find fault with everyday life, so, you think, you would not find fault with it, otherwise you don’t want to stand at the stove all day for the sake of any prince. So there is a conviction that it would be better if he was a computer scientist, etc.

This is how images of the desired are constructed from the parts that we see. Of course, such an image cannot be called integral, and not a single person will correspond to the wishes “pulled” by you from different layers of reality.

And the most unpleasant thing about this is that you still won’t be able to create a complete picture of what you want in detail, because the brain, like a computer, operates only with downloaded information. And you have to be very presumptuous to believe that you know everything about this universe and its possibilities.

Therefore, try to highlight the most essential - something that you definitely cannot do without. And this is hardly a specific profession of a person or the color of his eyes. Of course, we have some significant guidelines regarding the appearance of a partner, but try to highlight what is really important and what is not so important.

It is not the profession that is important, but the attitude to life. It is important for the color of the eyes as such, but the ability to rejoice, which you associated with it. What is important is not what specific books and films a person has read/watched, but what kind of worldview they have formed, etc.

1. Timing

In general, most of us want everything "immediately and now", or better - "yesterday". Sometimes, of course, specific deadlines are set - “in a year”, “in a month”, “in five years”, etc. But you determine this period based on the situation at the moment.

And what will happen in a week? Or in a month? It may turn out that a lot will change. But most often forget to revise plans in accordance with new changes in reality. Or they don't notice the change at all.

The deadline is coming, the plans do not come true - and here you are again heartache. But have you asked yourself the question - why such a period? What changes so significantly if this period is different?

Example. “I’m already 30, and I still don’t have children, I planned that by 30 I would already have two of them!” - the life of this woman passes in constant suffering about her inferiority, the conclusion about which is made only on the basis that the plans did not come true.

Ask yourself some questions. What is it for me? How will I feel if I receive this? Can I experience similar feelings in another situation? How is my feeling related to the object or situation that is the object of my desires?

A simple example. The man wants a car. What for? In theory, to travel, to travel out of town or not to carry bags from the store. Why else? To experience feelings. Comfort, safety, security.

Does it matter then whether he buys a used Opel or a new Nissan Qashqai? By and large, none. But a person sometimes convinces himself that without “Qashqai” he has no happiness.

Although, if he thought about why he needed Qashqai, he would understand: he lacks respect from others. And "to drive in warmth and not to carry bags" - could provide "Opel".

And only because his colleagues associate this particular car with success, good luck, a good life, etc. - he wants a Qashqai, gets into excessive loans, and then the car often stands at the house, because there is simply not enough money for gasoline, as well as for a full-fledged MOT.

The machine is not designed to provide respect. It is designed to drive and carry, with varying degrees of speed and comfort. And if a person would ask himself all the questions listed in time, then, perhaps, he would be convinced that he did not need a car either.

False desires are, as a rule, those that someone imposed on us by manipulating our feelings: fear, the desire to receive respect and recognition, the desire to feel complete in the eyes of others, the desire to prove something to someone, etc. And behind this is often the main thing - the desire to accept and love oneself.

We are most attached to the false precisely because we do not believe in the possibility of obtaining the desired (and, of course, the feelings we need) in another way, we do not see these ways.

But if you break the usual link “respect - a fashionable car” in your head and leave only “respect” - a lot of options will appear. Another thing is that often a person is simply scared to look for these options.

After all, here - it seems like it has already been checked, they respect it. Almost a guarantee. And if you look for other options, it is still unknown whether you will be able to get what you are looking for.

On the contrary, true desires are those to which we go no matter what, regardless of any opinions of others, despite someone's protests or bewilderment. This is what we do calmly and confidently, moreover, we are not particularly tormented by either the timing or the exact contours of the event.

Example. If a person needs his own home, then the most basic in this desire will be a certain sense of ownership of his own space, but the timing, contours and where this house can be located in general are easily subject to correction in the search process.

And it is in this search that a person easily interacts with the environment. Let's say he gets an opportunity to buy a room. Yes, this is not a dream house, but the most important thing for a person is to have their own space. Well, he thinks, that's where we can start.

And he begins to actively invest in this space - strength, money, skills, soul, in the end. In the process, he gets to know even better what his house should be like. At first he thought it was an apartment. But living in a communal apartment changed his idea, he began to understand that he wanted a house outside the city, and he is grateful to this communal apartment for a more accurate understanding of his own goal.

And then he gets the opportunity to buy a wreck on a good plot and not far from the city. He sells the room and buys a wreck. At the same time, it is also not the house of his dreams, but he again begins to invest his strength, skills, money and time.

After a while, a decent house turns out of a wreck .... Do I need to tell you that after a while this person may well find himself in a luxurious mansion on the coast of the sea?

And it's simple - he managed to do a few key things:

• Indicate the most important in the desired
• Don't get hung up on form and deadlines
• Respond flexibly to offers and possibilities of reality
• Learn from them and from them
• Enjoy what you have and invest in it without waiting for “ideal”
• Don't be afraid to correct initial plans and be able to reject false ideas
• Do not get stuck on achievements, set new goals and go towards them

So let's sum up

Heartache comes from:

1. Not a convenient, not ecologically friendly attitude to those temporary states that arise in each of us due to the complex chemical structure. Simply put, the majority does not just go along with any emotions, but also exacerbates them with a negative assessment of the very fact of their presence.
2. A conflict of expectations and reality, while a person rarely critically rethinks the specific characteristics of the desired and the timing. He often confuses what was imposed from the outside with his own real needs, and becomes too attached to the specific contours of the desired events, not being able to single out the most important things in his desires, as well as respond flexibly to the opportunities provided by reality and interact productively with them.

In the next article, I will try to describe how to use the inner observer, how to specifically work on becoming aware of your needs, and how to stop being attached to specific circuits of events: How to Become Awareness: Practice and Techniques

A story about psychological suffering, mental pain, as old as the world. From the torments that "tormented the soul", did not give the opportunity to "breathe and straighten their shoulders", forcing people to plunge into the abyss of their experiences, is recalled and described by the classics of literature. For us, pain becomes a necessary attribute of all stages of life development. In fact, it is. Pain is a necessary and important link in the maturation of an individual and the formation of a person.

The peculiarity of the difference between mental (psychological) pain and physical pain is manifested in a delayed response and a person’s “work” with it. When something starts to hurt in the body, a signal is triggered that some organ or system is undergoing a program failure and needs help and support. In most cases, a person seeks to treat himself and correct the work of the internal system of the body: visits to doctors' offices begin, raids on pharmacies in search of medicines. A person has a clear goal: to recover as soon as possible and return to their usual way of life. The pain of the soul is different.

About heartache and how we deal with it

From the position of an average person, this kind of pain will be perceived through the phrases: “the soul hurts”, “a stone in the chest”, “heavy thoughts”. We see that in fact, people draw the concept of mental pain mainly from folk wisdom, their own experience and the experience of previous generations. However, on the practical side of the issue, how you can help yourself more professionally, it turns out that this knowledge is not enough. If everything is clear with physical pain, since there is a clear algorithm for action in order to cure the disease, then it is harder and more difficult to deal with internal pain. Often we can observe a picture that a person in such a situation does not know at all what to do and how to help himself cope with something that is “broken inside”. He remains blind to his needs, because pain is just about the need for something (attention, self-care). A person "keeps" the pain in himself and can continue to drift in his state, in the hope that everything "corrects by itself" and "time heals."

How to cope with mental pain: how pain can be useful to us

If, through physical pain, the body sends us signals about a “malfunction” and serves as a reminder that we are still alive, it is a mistake to assume that psychological pain has other properties. Mental pain carries the same function, more subtle and sensual - informing us about the psychological state of the body. We can underestimate the psychological comfort and the rules of mental hygiene, however, when the situation becomes critical for our body, the work of consciousness and the processes of the unconscious turn on. The body begins to actively modernize itself and adapt to new environmental conditions.

What is psychological pain for? As noted above, these are important life scenario accents. It is the consequences of experiencing “crises”, “pain points” of our life path that form the further development of a person. Experiencing mental pain is not an easy test, and is perceived negatively by many. However, mental pain also has a number of benefits, as it is a "signal" of possible positive changes in your personality. Among the positive aspects of experiencing pain are the following.

Mental pain as an initiation and acquisition of new experience

Due to psychological discomfort, each time we find ourselves in a choice: move on or stay in place. Pain can be viewed as a rite that will give impetus to the transition to a new stage of development, "initiation" into a more mature life. Any emotional pain, for example: the breakup of a long-term relationship or a short-term connection, the loss of a job or a quarrel with loved ones, is intended to make us wiser, to adapt to the situation.

Psychological pain is a way of adapting to new conditions, gaining or losing

Every crisis we go through is experienced with pain. When we find ourselves “at the bottom” of sadness and impotence, there is only one way to move forward - to rise up and develop. Mental pain can be associated not only with the loss of an object of affection: a break in relationships, the death of a loved one, but also with the acquisition of new knowledge and experience of failures, acceptance of oneself and one's shortcomings. The rupture of relations is accompanied by the loss of a number of contexts of joint activities: walking, housekeeping, organizing and spending leisure time, joint professional activities, doing business, and much more. If the relationship with such a person was very significant for us or was characterized as co-dependent (when the boundary between the “I” was erased and the “we” was created), the loss of such a relationship can entail an intense experience of psychological pain. Adapting to new conditions is often uncomfortable, but thanks to this we can move on.

Pain is a reaction to the violation of personal boundaries

Violation of personal boundaries, integrity and harmony of a person is also accompanied by psychological discomfort and loss of balance. We can lose something valuable not only in what is realized with the help of other people, but also in ourselves. After experiences, we always become different, our attitude and perception changes. Due to the intensity of pain, we can assess the degree of value of this or that significant for us.

Heartache is a great way to see your strengths and weaknesses, get to know your capabilities better, look at yourself in a new way, praise and take care of yourself, accept yourself and give thanks; improve, and outline a vector for further development. Thanks to crises, we are growing. Thanks to them, we improve and change. Therefore, it is not worth considering mental pain purely as a negative phenomenon. It's always an opportunity to improve yourself. If you change the attitude towards pain as a factor necessary for personal development, the very perception and experience of psychological discomfort will change. It is important to remember that pain loves when people talk about it and express their emotions. The more and more intensively you pronounce, the more “productive” your work with pain will be. Don't keep her to yourself and don't work with her one on one! Share what is on your mind, what you think and what you are experiencing with others.

Why do people suffer from mental pain? Mental pain is a feeling of longing and suffering that a person experiences for certain reasons. Do not neglect such a disorder, it can be much more dangerous than known physical diseases. In the mentally ill, there may be interruptions in the work of internal organs. This threatens with bodily diseases. Therefore, it is necessary to think as early as possible how to cope with mental pain.

Such a disease is similar to, because it appears in a person as a result of an unpleasant event in life, or because of excitement for another person. Everyone can suffer such pain if their expectations are not met. A person forms some patterns of life in his brain, and if reality does not coincide with them, then emotional suffering appears. Quite often, people suffer heartache by hiding it from their loved ones and friends.

Fighting heartache

The patient can deal with pain in several ways. So, mental pain can move from a person’s consciousness to his subconscious. It exists, but man avoids it. The way out of mental pain is possible when a person demonstrates his emotions and feelings. But this does not mean that he becomes aggressive or irritable. A person seeks salvation from illness in his relatives and friends. For example, if a person quarreled with his soulmate, and he had a mental pain, then you can get rid of it only in communication with this person.

But with subconscious mental pain - everything is more complicated. A person does not recognize a mental disorder, he says that he is doing well. He affirms this not only to others, but also to himself. Such pain is much worse than conscious pain, it is more difficult to cope with it, because it is hidden deep in the human subconscious.

The struggle with mental pain of a latent nature is quite difficult, it can be with a person for several years. It negatively affects the character of a person who begins to communicate with people like himself. Also, he may not even meet new people or avoid contact with old acquaintances.

Mental pain does not allow a person to study normally, work or do his favorite thing. At such moments, a person often does not even understand what the matter is. It happens that some events make a person remember an unpleasant life situation that has long caused him an emotional experience. If the patient fails to bring emotions out and get rid of them, then it is necessary to contact a psychologist or a loved one who can listen to everything.

Emotional experiences after a breakup

It's no secret that after parting with a loved one, severe and prolonged emotional distress can occur. In some cases, it is as severe as the stress after the death of a loved one. Parting brings mental pain that can torment a person for months and even years. All this time, the patient will experience stages of denial, resentment and pain.
Emotional experiences after parting begin with a stage of denial. At first, a person simply does not understand or does not want to understand that his relationship with his loved one has come to an end. This happens on a subconscious level, and the person simply does not realize the gap.

A person suffers greatly due to the fact that he will never be next to his soul mate. When he accepts this harsh reality, then he will get a chance to get rid of the mental pain. But such an understanding does not come immediately. The duration of experiences directly depends on the duration of the relationship. In order to bring this moment closer on your own, you need to get rid of all objects and even contacts with people that are reminders of relationships.

The next stage of heartache from a break with a loved one is the stage of indignation and even hatred. The person who was abandoned is trying by all means and methods to take revenge on the former, to bring him maximum inconvenience. But such drastic measures, as a rule, are due to a scandalous break, for example, after treason. Resentment occurs because it is difficult for a person to blame himself for parting. It is much easier to blame your ex for all the sins.

The stage of resentment is characterized by the fact that a person focuses exclusively on negative emotions, which is extremely bad for the prospect of a quick recovery. Also, a person often thinks about how much could be done at this time, and not spend it on a relationship. There is a feeling of loneliness and for their future, and even the denial of new relationships.

When the soul hurts, you do not need to restrain yourself from loud suffering and even tears. They make it possible to quickly cope with the pain in the soul. There is nothing terrible or shameful in this, because even scientists have proven that tears make it possible to quickly survive and forget the problem. Many people who didn't want to break up continue to contact their ex and even ask him to start over. And if that person does not agree, then there is no need to insist on your own, because this leads to even greater suffering and memories of a happy past. This will significantly slow down mental recovery.

It is no secret that in most cases, women are much more difficult to endure parting. This is explained quite simply, because for them love comes first in life, while for a man the main thing is work. Therefore, men do not focus on this problem so much and find a replacement for their ex more easily.

Of great importance in the fight against such experiences is the ability to switch to another topic, for example, to do what you love or personal development. But if this does not help, and the mental pain has been going on for a year or even more, then it is better to turn to a psychologist.

How to relieve severe mental pain?

Severe mental pain is not at all like physical pain, because it manifests itself in suffering. And they, in turn, lead to the loss of the meaning of life by a sick person. Emotional experiences are accompanied by longing, loneliness, shame, guilt, as well as fear of future problems.

In order to relieve severe mental pain, it is necessary to understand its root cause. For example, if a certain person is such a reason, then it is necessary to work on relationships with him, and not extinguish your emotions. If there is no understanding on his part, then you need to avoid him, even if this leads to dismissal. Finding a job is much easier than restoring the body from the effects of stress.

After a difficult breakup, emotional distress can last up to one year. It is necessary to start a new relationship after this period, so as not to step on the rake twice. The emotional pain from illness or death of a person must be passed through and accepted reality as it is.

It is necessary to understand that the negative event has already ended. You need to go through a period of pain and plan your future life taking into account this negative situation. It is possible to get acquainted with a person who is experiencing a much greater disorder. This will help to understand that the situation is not so difficult, other people are much worse. The correct mode of the day and exercise will help to quickly survive the heartache.