The practice of silence is resorted to within the framework of retreats, programs personal growth Or just to test your abilities. Of the obvious consequences of prolonged silence, note:

• change in voice (or perception of one's voice);
• unwillingness to start talking after a long practice of silence;
• removal from society;
• awareness of the "uselessness" of a significant part of everyday communications.

Let us turn to the experiment, which was carried out in the period 2012-2015. in the capital of Russia. It was attended by men and women from 20 to 40 years old (students, employees, managers). The main requirement is stop communicating both live and in all messengers and in social networks for 7 days. It is also forbidden to watch TV, listen to music, correspond in the mail or by phone. If necessary, it was possible to build communication with others only with the help of gestures or short notes. Each subject had to lead for a week observation diary, writing down all the arising sensations and thoughts there.

Important note: the experiment had no religious overtones and was not associated with solitude. Participants did not leave the city and continued to go to work or school. It was important to stay in the familiar environment in order to experience some new sensations in the old scenery.

Observation diary

In total, about 150 diaries were collected. Participants of the 7-day silence shared interesting thoughts with the organizer of the experiment. Initially, it seemed that the observation diary would become a burden, no one would want to spend time filling it out daily. In fact, such a diary turned out to be a salvation for the subjects - the only legal way to express their thoughts, which did not find another way out during the day.

Initially, there were no clear rules for filling out the diary. The basic setting sounded like this: you need to write down everything that deserves attention.

The most frequent topics for fixing in the diary were:

• relationships with friends, relatives, colleagues and strangers;
• feelings and sensations that the participant has not experienced before;
• discovery of new meaning in familiar phenomena.

There is a new ability to hear and notice

Many noted that when you do not need to speak, you begin to hear better and notice details that you have not seen before. One of the subjects took a fresh look at her usual group of friends, who seemed to her cheerful and witty guys. It turned out that all this time she asked and supported topics for conversation. When she stopped talking, there was nothing to talk about in the company.

Deviation from the norm - a reason to annoy others

It turned out that in a big city there are too many factors that make a person constantly talk or react to what is happening. When someone stops behaving in a familiar way, it infuriates others. Take into account that the subject is not rude, does not provoke, but is simply silent.

Rejection of communication frees up a lot of time

During the experiment, the students managed to write most of the thesis and found time to read books that they would hardly have started under the usual schedule. Almost all the subjects noted that during the experiment they began to go to bed earlier and, accordingly, get up earlier in the morning.

Not everyone will notice that you are silent

Some subjects shared the observation that their loved ones could continue to communicate with them without noticing that they did not say anything in response. Someone even managed to attend a birthday party without saying a word. Husbands noticed only on the second day that their wives were silent. And as a consequence: silence helps not to quarrel. During the experiment, a life hack appeared: if you write on pieces of paper the most necessary and simple words(hello, goodbye, thanks, yes and no), then you can be silent for a long time.

Loss of dependence on those who are far away

After eliminating technology from life, the pressure from friends from social networks, from strangers from TV, news feeds and the media disappears. But constant contact has to be maintained with those who are in sight.

Interesting fact: if the subject began to communicate with colleagues or friends using notes, then they responded to him in the same way. At the same time, they were aware that the person hears them perfectly, and they can speak to him aloud.

Fear caused by silence

Based on the results of studying the diaries, many fears that the participants experienced were revealed. This is an inexplicable anxiety, self-doubt, stress, helplessness, a feeling of loss. Someone was afraid to lose speech forever.

The most unusual and strong impression was connected with the question of human existence. Technology and interpersonal communication are so deeply woven into our lives that prolonged silence forced the subjects to think about existential questions. Many wrote in their diaries in one interpretation or another the phrase "I don't exist anymore".

Also, many noted the difficulty of being alone with oneself. They had never experienced such an experience before. The subject himself remains the only interlocutor, and after some time he no longer wants to communicate with him.

The purpose of the experiment was not to break the relationship of a person with society. It consisted in evoking reflection on everyday phenomena, words and actions. "Turn on awareness."

For those who want to participate - welcome to the experiment site http://silence.tilda.ws

Based on TEDx Talks - Anton Gumensky "7 days of silence: how to live a week in a metropolis without electronic means of communication and oral communication."

One of the markers of the cooling of relations in marriage is the inability of partners to dialogue. The couple stop talking to each other not because they have nothing more to say, and not because they know each other so well that they no longer need to talk. From mutual silence does not breathe peace of long-term and close relationships. From him comes through alienation and failed communication.

Silence does not indicate that we have already said everything to each other, but that many things have remained unsaid. It's hard to accept, but in reality we just don't want to hear what our partner wants to tell us. Rather, we know perfectly well that what he wants to tell us, we do not want to hear.

Many ideas about intimacy and love have grown out of mythical and abstract notions that true love can move mountains, overcome all obstacles and endure everything. We grew up in emotionally connected relationships. The parent-child relationship is based on fusion and dependency. Our parents forgave us for mistakes, endured whims and continued to love unconditionally. They are like moms and dads. I am such a parent myself.

But these ideas do not apply to marriage. True intimacy requires the ability to stand on your own two feet. It is not true that intimacy equals acceptance, confirmation, and absolute reciprocity on the part of the partner. We just really want it. Intimacy is associated with the awareness of separation from the partner and the presence of those parts of oneself that are to be revealed to the other. There are two of us. We don't have to agree with each other on everything. They should not guess the thoughts, desires and moods of each other. It doesn't sound like “If you don’t do it, then I won’t either. I need to be confident in you to trust."

We may disagree. We are together, but we are not one. Intimacy is not achieved through mutual validation, but through conflict and personal disclosure. Through personal responsibility for the process, without blaming others, correcting YOUR behavior, being responsible for your feelings, thoughts and actions. It sounds like : "I don't expect you to agree with me. I want you to love me. But you can't do that until I show you who I am. I want you to know me."

Not expecting guarantees and confirmation from the partner. Openly expressing yourself and your feelings in the face of various reactions of the partner, supporting your Self in the process of knowing others about us. Not adapting to it, but maintaining your own sense of yourself.

If we are able to show ourselves and not hide our feelings, we do not require anything from a partner, except for the opportunity to state how we feel right now.

The thought of what true love is "must" is an attempt to drown feelings in their own projections. Must always love, must be interested, must guess, foresee, forgive, endure…..

Isn't it too much for such a fragile feeling?

Relationships are about sharing information. If we complain about "bad communication", then, often, we are talking about interactions that make us feel bad. This indicates that we cannot handle the received message.

In fact, we can communicate, but in this communication we feel that the partner sees and understands us differently than we ourselves would like to be understood. We refuse to accept such messages, expecting the other to change their message to compensate for our personal weakness. We need a reflected sense of ourselves, getting the desired response. To do this, we broadcast distorted, embellished information about ourselves, instead of revealing ourselves in the full range of our qualities. We adapt to the differences of our partner in order to reduce our own anxiety. This further alienates us from each other, as our partner will never know who we really are. Fear of rejection keeps us silent when we need to speak up.

“I must be sure in advance that you will agree with what I say,” this thought kills intimacy. Recognizing a partner as a separate person through accepting his statements that differ from our reality will be a confirmation of an adult position and readiness for close relationships. Marriage is not a place where we should be comforted and supported in everything. This approach leads to a temporary solution to problems. True intimacy is the ability to maintain one's own sense of self while in relationship with others.

Such relationships are not sterile and are not without controversy. But our dissimilarity does not scare us. We can bear our own anxiety without falling into despair. We know how to cope with our feelings, and it is not feelings that take possession of us. True acceptance of your partner means acceptance of the fact that he should not adapt to us in spite of himself.

Intimacy is not only about our relationship with a partner, but also about our relationship with ourselves. We ourselves need to abandon the fantasy of compensation for our childhood and take care of ourselves as adults. Our partners are not our parents. Big mistake stop caring about yourself by starting a family.

In fact, it does not matter at all how our partner will behave in conflicting situations. What matters is what we do. Either be reflected in a partner without showing yourself, or openly talk about what we feel without presenting ultimatums, formulating our own priorities and desires very clearly. In order to hear each other, it is necessary to listen, and not to look for confirmation of one's convictions in the words of another person.

What the partner says or does is his process and we cannot stop him. But we can let our partner see us for who we really are, even when that doesn't mean a very pleasant experience for him.

To recognize each other not by how we reflect in each other, but by how each of us manifests himself in life, fights for his own dreams, for how he is inspired, by the fire in his eyes and by how deep we are we understand these processes within ourselves.

The healing power of silence
Online Community “Enlightenment” http://your-mission.orgfree.com/

Silence is the language of the soul.............................................. ................................................. ...............................01

What led to the use of speech? ................................................. ................................................. ...02

What is the benefit of practicing silence? ................................................. ................................................. ......03

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Silence is the language of the soul

It is well known that primitive man at first expressed himself with gestures and signs. And this process is repeated throughout the history of mankind. Most ancient alphabet in the world - Devanagari does not contain a single dental letter. By itself, speech does not have the power that is contained in the power of gestures. Esotericists (people with developed intuition) argue that Devanagari was the primitive language spoken by our ancestors, the Hyperboreans. Devanagari is believed to be the language of the soul, which can be remembered by regularly practicing stillness (silence). Isn't that why the Eastern sages Muni prefer to remain silent all their lives, and in the 6th century BC, one of the conditions for those who wanted to enter the famous school of the greatest Greek thinker Pythagoras to become a philosopher was the requirement - not to utter a word for 5 years (!). Pythagoras himself believed that silence - supreme state spirit compared to speech. When people took a vow of silence, they did not contradict the surrounding world in any way, on the contrary, they immersed themselves in it. From such voluntary loneliness peace and harmony come to the soul.

In the East, it is argued that initially people did not use speech, only direct vision of self-evident perception, through the senses (nothing was replaced by dead concepts). Despite the fact that there was no language, all people understood each other through the vision of a common reality and synchronous activity in it (personal experience).

No wonder many Saints tried not to speak, but to remain silent. So, for example, Saint Benois punished the monks who observed the silence of speech, "if necessary, express yourself only with gestures."

The development of empty speech has replaced real things and the experience of direct vision, awareness of reality. People gradually lost true knowledge, entangled in concepts and terms.
E soteriki are sure that initially everyone lived on the basis of inner knowledge. All living beings spoke the same language, the language of the soul, silence, understanding each other at a glance; before there were no scriptures, there were no books; all scriptures were written later. People didn't have to be told, "Don't eat this, don't eat that. This is good, this is bad, ”people were aware of all this, since they had a developed right-sided hemisphere, which is responsible for the database of higher consciousness. Initially, the soul directly received the knowledge that was given by the God-Absolute, penetrating the entire Universe. Previously, a person did not need to think. People did not think, did not doubt, they knew what was right and what was wrong. The connection with conscience and intuition was perfect. But ever since a person went the way of developing the left hemisphere, the connection with intuition has become dull, the right-sided hemisphere has ceased to function fully. Invention various languages- a consequence of the degradation of mankind, the cause of the split of people. This truth is hidden in the biblical story of Babylon.
D the most ancient pyramids, dolmens, statues of Easter Island, as well as numerous archaeological finds point to the fact that 200 million years ago humanity was at a much higher spiritual level, allowing in unity, in silence to build the most enormous and complex structures.
Breath is life. Speaking is a process of impaired breathing leading to premature death. Constant silence and communication at the level of gestures allowed our ancestors to live in harmony with the outside world, as well as save a huge supply internal energy. Therefore, our ancestors Humans lived much longer than us, as is said in all Holy Scriptures peace.

AT 1750 Jean-Jacques Rousseau convincingly proved that the development of the mind, speech, progress technical sciences and the arts, has done incalculable harm to people and thanks to this heretical thinking has gained fame. "Our souls have been corrupted as the sciences and arts have improved." The main trouble of the current civilization is the development of thinking and speech and the lack of understanding at the level of the heart, the level of the soul. Each of us hardly understands another person, hardly feels someone else's grief, as a result, many live in chaos. People do not feel each other's pain, so they have to express, complain about it to others. But at the same time, most of us remain immune to other people's grief and suffering.

Active, ongoing process thinking and passion for conversations, artificial inventions, is a disease modern people who have lost their peace, their natural being. It should be noted that all the greatest discoveries of our civilization were made not in the process of stormy thinking and discussion, but in silence, in a dream, in insight, as if scientists were remembering the long-forgotten old. So Dmitri Mendeleev had a dream about the periodic table of elements; chemist Friedrich Kekule realized in a dream the cyclic structure of the benzene molecule, Niels Bohr - the structure of the atom, and Albert Einstein, according to contemporaries, made his many discoveries in a state of silent mind, relaxing in the bath.

Esotericists argue that initially man was given all the knowledge necessary for life, just like animals that do not know diseases and medicines now have them. And each person can remember everything that he needs for life. But for this it is necessary to develop the right-sided hemisphere, more often staying in silence, a state of silence of speech and thoughts.

What led to the development of oral speech?

● Loss of presence in the present moment.

The development of speech has led to the loss of the present moment “Here and Now”, which implies listening to intuition, mindfulness of oneself and caring attitude towards others in the present.
● The emergence of irresponsibility.

A person mainly uses speech to shift responsibility for their problems from themselves to the shoulders of others. Think about how many times you use speech every day to ask others to do something for you, instead of silently completing a simple task for you.

● Sabotage."The word is silver - silence is golden." It has long been known that words can hurt more than an evil deed. A word can offend, frighten, inspire. With the development of oral speech, people began to use mainly swear words, leading to the complete degradation of the mind. Scientists have proven that swear words destroy chromosomes. With a change in the nucleus, the quality of the cell of the human body changes. Hence physical and mental illnesses.

“A sharp sword hurts deeply, but much deeper is an evil speech.”. (Buechler)

● A distortion of reality. Each person lives in his own world. Based on the attitude towards ourselves and the surrounding space, we build the reality in which we live. Silence allows you to preserve the purity of reality, because when a person exaggerates, is cunning, says something that he does not know or has not verified, he can cause serious harm to himself and others.
● Waste of time

Many people began to suffer from the disease: “I think one thing, I say another, I do another.” A lot of time is wasted on remembering the past (gossip, disputes, evaluation, judgments of past events). A lot of time is wasted talking about the future (promises, plans, hopes). “Throughout my life I have become convinced that talking with friends most and most inconspicuously takes away time; friends are the great robbers of time...”(F. Petrarch)

People are accustomed to wasting time talking, have become such lovers of idle talk that when they are alone in the house, they like to go out just to find someone to talk to. And when they have no one to talk to, they talk to themselves, to the objects around them. If I could explain to them how much they lose energy with every word they say.

What is the benefit of practicing silence?

● Life Extension

In ancient scriptures, breathing is called "Prana" - life. Breath is the chain that connects the body, heart and soul together. Speaking is a violation of the breath. When a person speaks, he takes many more breaths than he would otherwise have to. Accordingly, the duration of a person's life depends on the frequency of his breathing. By talking we take a lot from our lives. A day of silence means a week or more of life extension, and a day of conversation means a week less life. There have been mystics in India since ancient times who never spoke, although they did all kinds of other things. These mystics lived much longer than we live now: three hundred, five hundred years or more.

● Restoration of mental health and harmony with the outside world

H a person who keeps silence gains peace, strength and happiness. In silence there is wisdom, freedom, balance, joy and well-being. Silence allows you to remain in harmony with the outside world.

Any censure, judgment of someone can cause the destruction of this harmony. But any judgment generates a response from others, so the ancients argued: “Do not evaluate, do not judge others, and you will not be judged, for by the degree you evaluate others, you will be evaluated the same.”

When a person is silent, he makes fewer mistakes, because the more you speak, the more likely it is to make mistakes. A silent person attracts enemies less. They are often just waiting for some word to cling to a person.

"Brevity is the soul of wit". Silence helps to avoid verbal garbage, unnecessary words. It is better to remain silent than to say something stupid that you will later regret for a long time. “Silence is an argument that is almost impossible to refute.”(Böll)
● Energy storage

All living things come out of silence and return to silence. And God-Absolute is always at the same time

stays in a state of peace and quiet, like an eternal observer. And a person is able to realize the Creator, become one with Him only in silence, which allows one to accumulate higher energies – awareness, vigilance, attentiveness, responsibility, calmness.

"Most human interaction comes down to the exchange of words, the objects of the thought realm. It is vital that at least a little silence and calmness be brought into close relationships. No relationship can flourish without the sense of space that comes with silence. Meditate together or together in spend time in silence in nature.Whether walking, sitting in a car, or staying at home, make your silent being together calm and comfortable.Silence does not need or require to be created.Just be receptive to the silence that is already there, for usually it sometimes obscured by mental noise."(Eckhart Tolle)

● Saving an inferior experience

“Every word without action is worthless and empty.” (Demosthenes)

Silence allows you to keep your inner secrets, that which concerns only yourself. In fact, each person must learn to keep the inferior experience he receives. This allows you to protect others from delusions, harmful actions, false ways of thinking, development. A person has the right to share any information with other people only when he is absolutely sure of the correctness of the experience gained and has repeatedly verified it.

The mass media (newspapers, magazines, televisions) mainly transmit inferior experiences that lead people to the wrong way of thinking. The same thing happens in the field of orthodox science and medicine. How can a doctor give advice to a patient when he himself does not know how to cure himself?

“What is difficult? - Know yourself. What is easy? - Giving advice to others. (Thales)

If a person talks a lot about his sins, he gradually changes for the better, but if a person talks about achievements and benefits, nothing will remain of them.

How to keep silence?

R It is useful for working people to practice silence daily, for some time, and for longer periods on weekends. Your friends and family members should not disturb you during this time. They will know that in certain period you keep silence. Find yourself a secluded place where no one will disturb you. The energy of speech should be sublimated into spiritual energy and used for meditation. Only then will you enjoy silence and inner spiritual strength. During the period of silence, you should not read newspapers, write long texts and express thoughts with hand signs. You shouldn't laugh at this time either. All this breaks the silence. Learn to enjoy inner peace! Feel how much you benefit from keeping silence, becoming more calm, filled with inner strength and joy. Only then will you enjoy keeping silence.Forced silence will be an imitation - coercion makes restless and gloomy. Forced silence is a battle with the mind. This is an effort. The need for silence must come from within, naturally. When you stick to sincerity, silence will come by itself. Only then comes absolute peace and tranquility.

Speech disciplinein everyday life.As a preparation for silence, it is useful to discipline speech.Try to weigh the words. Strictly avoid long and unnecessary conversations, all kinds of vain discussions and disputes. Move away from this kind of society as far as possible. Watch every word - that is the greatest discipline. Words are powerful - use them carefully. Don't let the tongue rebel. Control the words before they pass through your lips.Speak little, learn to be silent. Loud words cause exhaustion of the tongue. Use simple words and save energy. Devote more and more of your time to inner peace, meditation and contemplation.Clear your mind and meditate. Be steadfast and know that God is present in you. Subdue boiling thoughts and agitated emotions. Immerse yourself in the innermost corners of your heart and rejoice in the magnanimous silence.

The soul does not speak in words. The great mystery, the language of the soul, is silence. Any affirmation is truly stupid, for it is always opposed by negation.

There is no wiser silence. The one who spoke about the beauty of one - caught everyone in ugliness, and who glorified wisdom in name and form, he limited the infinite to stupidity. The wise one does not say yes, for things are comprehended by changes within their space-ego (by expanding the boundaries of oneself). Silence is the Supreme Truth, silence is the language of the Universe. The practice of silence leads to the realization of the true Self, merging with the Absolute and dissolving in Eternity….

Ecology of life: Why are people silent? Five reasons for silence that will answer this difficult question.

Why are people silent

Why are people silent? Five reasons for silence that will answer this difficult question.

How difficult it is to get in and out of situations of awkward silence. For example, when you come on vacation, sit in a rented apartment for rent in Odessa and try to find something to say to the girl you like of your mutual friends. What does silence mean for each of us? How does it affect our inner world and our relationships with people?

Five reasons for silence:

1. The person does not know what to answer. He, as it were, grows numb in this uncertainty. A person is silent when he does not understand the question or does not know how to respond correctly.

2. A person is silent because he does not know how to correct the current situation. Sometimes we come across people and understand: tell or don't tell a person - it will not help.

3. He is ignored. What if a person by such behavior shows that you do not sympathize with him? This is worth thinking about. Maybe the person does not want to help you and does not know how to refuse correctly. In such situations, it is worth sorting out the relationship with him and talking directly about your guess. Suddenly, everything will be decided, and you will become best friends?

4. The person is just tired. This is another reason why people are silent. Especially after a difficult and eventful day at work, people are already emotionally exhausted and do not want more communication.

5. Sometimes words are not needed. If we are talking about silence, then it is worth considering the fact that sometimes we ourselves should remain silent. Silence with a friend is a conversation of a completely different kind. Sometimes words are not needed to support a loved one. This should also be remembered.

We are all different people. Some, due to weakness, excessive modesty, and perhaps even isolation, are not able to express their opinion. You should find the right approach to such people and not pester with various questions and reproaches.

Remember that the statement own thoughts is the foundation of mental health. No one can read minds, so try to be more social. Then there will be mutual understanding among us. published

A PHOTO Getty Images

Their arguments always end in one: he silently unfolds the newspaper or pokes his head into the phone. He doesn't listen to her, only to himself. “A partner who chooses this style of communication puts himself out of the couple,” says Isabelle Levert, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, expert in French Psychologies. “He looks at relationships as a struggle for power, in which it is important not to give up, not to show his vulnerability, not to make concessions.”

Silence torture

Leaving the conversation, the partner achieves his goal. Silence allows him to control the situation and the other person. A husband who wants to "teach" his wife can simply get up and leave, cutting her off in mid-sentence. And even leave the house without saying where. She is left alone with unspoken words and heavy thoughts that torment her from the inside.

Why is silence so destructive? It creates a vacuum that is immediately filled with suspicions, fears and questions. This is how one of the methods of psychological violence works - gaslighting. His goal is to make another person doubt the adequacy of his perception of the world and, as a result, his own sanity. Victims of gaslighting can indeed develop psychological problems, up to a clinical disorder.

Vicious circle

“Sooner or later silence causes a reaction. The offended side moves from suspicion to reproaches and accusations,” explains Isabelle Lever. - In fact, this is an attempt to reach out to a partner, to break the silence at any cost. Punch a hole in his shell, make him answer - even if the answer is cruel. Thus, the victim accepts the rules of the game imposed on her by the tormentor. Relationships finally turn into a battlefield.

For the one who uses the tactics of silence, his main justification is his inviolable rightness. He understands everything and everyone. He "knows" how to act, what to say and how to behave. From such a person you can often hear words like “I didn’t expect anything else from you”, “this is very in your spirit”, “everything is clear with you”. When the other tries to challenge another peremptory statement, the conversation again comes to a standstill.

Between intimacy and loneliness

Contradictions in a couple are inevitable, but you need to be able to talk about them. Everyone should have equal opportunity speak up and be heard. “A partner who fences himself off from the other with a wall of silence often cannot decide for himself the main question - is he ready to be part of a couple,” says Isabelle Lever. “He always marks the distance. His position: I'm not with you, but not apart.

An alliance in which one speaks and the other is silent (but does not listen!), ceases to develop. Often the more open partner gets tired of bearing all the burden of the relationship and leaves. For others, it may serve as a signal. Then he decides to rethink his attitudes. Perhaps he will learn to open up, let down his defenses, and make compromises. If this does not happen, history will repeat itself in the following relationships. If he decides on them at all.