Among the problems that people face every day, there is one very important one, and it is called “knowledge of man by man”. We have to deal with many personalities in our life. They are all so different, not similar to each other. Everyone needs to find their own approach. And most importantly, you need to decide for yourself and figure out what this person is. After all, we do not know which of the meetings will be fateful for us.

To find out what a person really is, you need to eat more than one pood of salt with him, see him in different situations. Then we can safely say that you have gone through a lot with this person and know him as yourself.

If fate does not present you with various test situations, you can do a pilot check on the quality of your friend yourself. That is, to create a special situation where you will see the essence of a person. Also ask him compromising and test questions, watching his reaction and drawing your own conclusions.

People can be divided into two types: emotional and unemotional. Both with the first and with the second, in their extreme manifestation, it can be very difficult to communicate. Since emotional people exaggerate a lot of things and perceive them inadequately, and unemotional people hide their feelings and thoughts, their attitude to the world around them.

In order to understand an emotional person, one should only look from the outside at some life situation with him. You will immediately understand what you can expect from him.

Such people will immediately begin to tell you about their attitude to what is happening and express full of emotions. It should only be remembered that everything that will be shown is only a tenth of the true feelings that can manifest themselves in real life. You can learn more about thoughts by asking leading questions. Ask about how the person himself would act in a similar situation, how he would react, what he would do, what he would sacrifice. And then ask how others should act.

Unemotional people will usually not be the first to tell you what they are feeling and going through. But one has only to ask for their opinion, and they will tell you all their thoughts. Their point of view is always based on intellectual reflection, rational, well-considered decisions. Do not expect them to evaluate feelings and emotions, all conclusions will always be reasoned and accepted with the help of common sense.

Two more types of emotionally colored people are positive and negative subjects. More than once, communicating with a cheerful, cheerful and joyful person, you noticed manifestations of unreasonable sadness on his face. If everything is always bad and catastrophic for pessimists, then they only need to sympathize and not annoy with their good mood. But optimism is a dangerous thing, it is a “double-edged sword”.

The first side is when a person is really frivolous, does not pay attention to various problems, other people and their opinion. And the second - when optimism serves as a protective mechanism for a person.

Such people have many unresolved problems. They are sensitive to criticism, painfully react to other people's problems and troubles in their lives. And then they turn on the “I am an optimist and everything is purple” mode for those around them, while they themselves experience deep mental anguish at that moment. How to understand if you are an optimist or a pseudo optimist? It sounds trite, but you can understand it by the eyes. No wonder they say “the eyes are the mirror of the soul”. Pseudo-optimists will always have sadness, despondency and pain in their eyes. These outbursts of negative emotions are very short-lived, as they are deeply hidden. But if you want, you can see them.

It would seem that laughter is just a manifestation of emotions. But watching how and why a person laughs and jokes, you can tell a lot about him. Since laughter is an impulse of the soul and it is very difficult to control it consciously. Sincere and artificially induced laughter can be immediately distinguished. Here are the types of laughter and a brief description of them:

• Rough loud laughter - testifies to the arrogance and licentiousness of a person, his aggressiveness and desire to solve all problems with the help of forceful methods. It also indicates a low level of intellectual development;
• ringing laughter - indicates the openness and sincerity of its owner. Such people are very loyal, gentle and kind. Often they are defenseless in their openness;
• subtle (high-pitched) laughter is a sign of the refinement of the personality, its stubbornness and capriciousness. People with such a laugh have inflated self-esteem and egocentrism;
• rolling laughter - characterizes its owners as cheerful and noisy people, artistic and inquisitive. As a rule, such people always want to be leaders, are not punctual, do not accept the rules;
• laughter with a wide open mouth is a sign of bad manners, inconstancy, aggressiveness and resentment of its owner;
• muffled laughter testifies to the arrogance of a person, that all his deeds are motivated by his own benefit. Its owners are always looking for a catch, even in a purely mirror;
• laughter with closed teeth (laughter through teeth) characterizes a person as a hypocrite, evil and bribe, two-faced. This is the most dangerous of all types. Such people should be avoided.

Laughter with closed lips indicates the presence of complexes in a person, fear of seeming ridiculous. It also indicates good endurance and balance.

These are the most common species, but not the whole wide range. To learn more, take an interest and read the special literature, which will describe each type of laughter and its characteristics.

Gossip, though not a pleasant thing, is very useful. Useful in the sense that by reducing gossip, you can see the other side of your interlocutor. If you give "food" for such conversations, you can notice envy, excessive curiosity, gloating, greed and other bad qualities in a person. Not everything is so bad, also gossiping, you recognize both good-natured, sympathetic, sincere, and those people who are used to living their lives without judging others for their choices. This is a sign of a full-fledged harmonious personality.

Gestures and facial expressions

If you carefully observe the facial expressions of a person, you can learn without words about his thoughts and attitude to this or that fact.

Also, a person's gait can tell you about the general state of the body and some of the character traits of the object you have chosen.

For example, swaying while walking testifies to the accuracy, pedantry and vanity of a person. The big steps of a small person indicate his desire to quickly achieve the goal in any undertaking, and the small steps of a tall person characterize him as timid and shy, unsure of his actions.

Also observe the intonation and various sound manifestations of the voice. The well-known psychologist Allport, conducted a lot of research on this topic and concluded that, based only on the voice, you can add up a psychological portrait of a person and sketch out his appearance. So intonations will indicate to you the experiences of a person, his attitude to some areas of life, help to understand the temperament, well-being of a person.

All this is a reflection of the inner world of man. So, knowing family traditions, one can judge the cohesion of the family or the individuality of each of its members. The religion of a person gives an imprint on his behavior, conversations, actions. Here Muslims will be very emotional and hot, as for men, and women will be modest and shy. Christians will always be ready to help their neighbor and cultivate humility in themselves.

The greatest thing about a person will tell you his hobby.

Since religion is a common characteristic, but everyone's personal hobbies are different, regardless of marital status and religion.

For example, people who are fond of various types of creativity are dreamy, often live in their own world, it is difficult for them to perceive reality, they are good family men, it is cozy next to them and there is always a topic for conversation. Those who go in for sports are persistent, stubborn, conservative people, they are very stress-resistant. Collectors, as a rule, are hard to contact, they love loneliness and silence. Such people are very closed and open their souls only to the most trusted and close people.

These questions will help you understand what is truly important to you, what you have been running from all your life and where your real dreams live.

Ask them to yourself, listen to yourself, change your life!

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1. If I could leave only one memory in my entire life, what would it be?

I love this question! It crystallizes what in our life can be called the most important. People answering this question suddenly realize what were the highlights of their lives: time spent with family; moments associated with pursuing a favorite hobby, or traveling.

2. If my life was a movie, how would I want to continue it?

One day my friend saw this question written on misted glass and it changed his life. After him, he quit his unloved job and decided to devote all his time to his hobby, which now made him one of the most famous people in the city.

And if your life were a movie, how would you like to continue it?

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3. What would I do if I knew exactly what I could do?

The main question to ask yourself. It shows exactly what you would be doing if you didn’t have fears, excuses and other ridiculous reasons that you want.

4. What's wrong?

The Buddhist monk Tit Nhat Khan once said that we too often ask ourselves the question "What's wrong?", concentrating on the negative. Our life would be much happier and more spiritual if we asked ourselves: “What is it?” The answer to this question allows us to be grateful at least for the fact that we woke up this morning, in contrast to the 160 thousand people who did not open their eyes today.

5. What accomplishments am I proud of?

Make a list of things you can be proud of. You can add even seemingly insignificant things there, such as . When you see on paper your reasons for pride, your level of self-worth will jump up.

6. What, in my opinion, did my parents not give me?

By asking yourself this question, you will see what you will strive for all your life. If you think that you were not loved as a child, then all your life you will run after other people in an attempt to get love from them.

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7. How should my parents never have behaved towards me?

By answering this question, you will see situations from which you will run all your life. For example, my friend thinks that her mother was too protective of her. And now she perceives even the usual care of herself as hyperprotection and flies off the coils.

8. What are the top three mistakes in my life I don't want to repeat?

They say that the rake is divided into two types: 1) that teach something and 2) my favorite. Think about what “your favorite rake” is repeated from year to year?

9. My best decision in the last five years is…

Five years ago, I made the decision to give up a beautiful life and work on television in Moscow for the sake of a ghostly dream - to become a writer. I packed my things and left for my hometown Ufa. I have now published two books that have become bestsellers. is to trust the quiet voice of your heart and follow it. And you?

10. In favor of my dream, I am ready to give up ...

If you want to achieve something, then you have to sacrifice something. They say that discipline is the ability to do what you don't really want in order to get what you really want. So what are you willing to sacrifice?

11. What are my free sources of inspiration?

In our material world, it is believed that the higher the price for something, the cooler it is. But the most emotional things are still free: a walk in the fresh air, solitude in the mountains, hugs with loved ones, laughter and smiles, good books (not free, but not very expensive).

12. Imagine that there is a self-assessment meter. What actions increase the level of self-esteem?

Strange but true: very often our self-esteem depends on specific actions. When we do what we love; when we challenge ourselves; when we take care of ourselves - all this raises our level of self-love.

What do you need to do to feel good?

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13. Which people fill me up and which ones empty me?

It must be admitted that there are no good or bad people. There are those, being close to which makes us stronger and fills us. And there are those with whom we are destroyed. Who from your environment belongs to the first category, and who to the second?

14. Who do I envy?

On my Selfquest project, there is a special task where I ask you to write a list of people you envy. Envy is an interesting feeling that most often shows a subconscious desire to have the same thing as the object of envy. Envy must be transformed into a constructive emotion in order to understand what we want.

15. What annoys me about other people?

What we see in other people is ours. What other people see in us is theirs. So the easiest list to figure out your weaknesses is to understand.

16. Which of your loved ones would you like to see at your bedside when you die?

I was once struck by a question from renowned business thinker Yitzhak Adizes, who was watching his mother die in a hospital bed. He asked himself: “And who would I like to see at my bedside on my deathbed? Why not get rid of those people that I don't want to see by my bed, dying, right now? Just think about it.

Answer honestly the question: do I have such moments?

18. What will I regret most in my old age?

Every year, the world makes ratings of regrets. Older people are asked: “What do you regret the most?” All over the world, these ratings are almost always the same. Most of all, people regret that all their lives they worked at an unloved job, lived with unloved people, traveled little and did not take care of their health.

What will you regret in your old age?

19. Describe your life until today in 6-9 words.

As part of my writing course, Texture, I always ask participants to do an Ernest Hemingway story thing. He bet that he would write a six-word story that would make people cry. The story went like this: “Children's shoes are for sale. Unworn." Here are some witty and sad things my students wrote: “Have I really found myself? Writing. I'm only 37", "She believed she could. Therefore, I could”, “I am 33. Sell 2 boards and nails.”

What does your life look like in 6-9 words until today?

20. What does it mean to be happy for me?

And answer this question yourself, without prompting.

I am often told that I have a unique sense of people. I would like to hear it in a different version, but so far the conversation only begins like this: “And what was clear that he could not be trusted, right? Why didn't I ask you then ... ".

Of course, in order to understand people, you need to spend a lot of time with them. It’s not enough just to fill the bumps - after a few especially painful deceptions, you can close yourself and not trust anyone at all.

To understand people, you need to learn to see the patterns of human behavior and it's a lot easier than it looks. Here are the main ones, beacons that will make you think whether you need such a person in your environment or not.

Adaptation skills

Neurosis is a violation of adaptation. Young children begin to stutter, roll their eyes, urinate when there have been drastic changes in their lives that they have not been able to adapt to. Adults also have neuroses, they crawl out of their heads in the form of rabid cockroaches and begin to gnaw and trample on relationships with others.

You can be friends with such a person, but you must be prepared that unpleasant surprises will become commonplace. Such relationships will distract you more than help you.

The simplest signal of a violation of adaptation skills in a person may be his (or more often her) inability to quickly change plans: “Well, I already tuned in (-lased) for this, and now something happened ...”.

Do you want a problematic relationship? Let the person with the adjustment disorder come closer to you. As long as he will survive in your life, you will get it in full.

By the way, a question for men: “Do you know the trick when a girl abruptly changes her plans in order to attract you to her?” She enters the role of a capricious bitch, it infuriates you, but at the same time you are attracted to her. Why? Because in this way she demonstrates her significance in relationships - one, and high adaptation skills - two, which your subconscious mind reads as a sign of health.

Ability to be here and now

If a person does not hear you, most often it is not because he is busy or in a hurry, but because he does not know how to hear at all. Do you want to be forever misunderstood, to explain what you meant by this or that, to remain guilty? And believe me, you will be left to blame ... Let someone who does not know how to listen close to you.

An indirect sign may be a communication pattern in which he (or she) asks you only one-level questions. For example:

- How was the training?

- It's hard today.

Everything, the first level of questions is exhausted. Second-level questions like “why was it hard?”, “What didn’t get enough sleep?” will not sound. Instead of them it will be: “And I ...”

Reluctance to go deeper into the discussion of your topic - maybe

1. lack of interest in you (which in itself is significant)
2. or it may be a manifestation of a lack of interest in someone other than yourself in general, which means that you have “the gift is still the same” in front of you.

The beacon is this: if you feel that a person is not 100% in your conversation, this is already a signal that the phrase “why did I let him (her) so close to me” will one day be born in your head.

At what point in your life did you meet him/her?

History tends to repeat itself, and people tend to create the same situation around them.

Man's survival skills are enormous. In a period when he has neither money nor friends, he will unconsciously assume the shape and color of the best person in the world. If such a good person lives alone, without money (an indicator of social utility and just discipline), without friends and massive support from his environment, you can turn away from him too. You don't have time to prove to the whole world that every rejection is an accident. History repeats itself, remember? He will create a situation in the future, because of which you will have to turn away from him.

Is it possible to turn away from a poor, abandoned person and make a mistake? Yes, you certainly may. But the odds will be on the side of “better turn away” than “warm the snake.” If he is so good and an accident happened in his life, let him prove it to the world himself, without your participation. It is better to collect flowers, not garbage.

I think there are hundreds of rules that help you better understand people, and a few from your experience have already come to mind. Pay attention to these three, they are important.

Proposed by Hippocrates, based on the predominant type of fluid, of the four that flow in the human body: sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric and melancholic. This classification was scientifically confirmed by I. Pavlov, a Russian physiologist. He confirmed that one hundred sanguine has a strong, mobile; phlegmatic - strong, balanced, but inert. Cholerics are distinguished by a strong and unbalanced temperament, while melancholics are weak.

These properties of temperament are not laid down at the genetic level and are practically not amenable to change. The concept of "bad" or "good" does not apply to any of these types. Each has its own merits and demerits. If temperament is innate, then character is an acquired property that is formed under the influence of various social groups - family, school, labor collectives.

In addition, according to K. Jung, there are various initial prerequisites for the construction of different psychological typologies. So, for example, people are also divided into extroverts and introverts. These two types embody two ways of world perception and attitude to the surrounding reality. An extrovert focuses on events, objects and people that surround him. He makes his decisions taking into account the requirements and rules of the society around him. An introvert lives in his own subjective world and does not feel very comfortable in society; from interacting with him, he loses energy, which he replenishes in solitude.

Jung also argued that each person, having the basic four psychological functions: thinking, feeling, sensation and intuition, has one of them as the predominant one. According to Jung, men are dominated by thinking and feeling, women by intuition and feeling.

Knowing the peculiarities of behavior and perception of each psychological type, you can not only understand people, but also find your life meaning and choose those deeds and life paths that correspond to your nature.

note

Understanding people is easy. Very, very easy. All information about how this particular person will deal with you in the future always lies on the surface and is available literally at the click of a finger. All cases that seemed to be exceptions turned out to be just more complex cases of applying the same laws. It is very flattering and pleasant to assume that you are all so beautiful from yourself, and with you this person will be completely different.

Useful advice

The need to learn to understand people arises most often after a person is deceived several times about others. Those who at first glance seem to be reliable, responsible people can unexpectedly fail, the one whom we consider kind and caring hurts us, and someone in whom you did not suspect high spiritual qualities turns out to be a true friend and wonderful man.