What are ponies? Not many may know the exact definition, but the approximate one is clear. Even from the name "Ponty - the psychology of boasting" it is already clear a little about what in question. But boasting is not a fashionable word, but show-off is fashionable and more famous.

Ponty is an object or action to be shown to impress others, that is, it is a conscious demonstration of one's luxury and well-being.

It can also simply be attributed to defiant and self-confident behavior.

You probably thought so, but did not know how to express it. literary words. Ponty is a new word that spread quickly and you need to know it.
It seems that a person who is showing off lives in rose-colored glasses.
It is worth noting that we all sometimes dream of something unreal, but we do not show it to others, even simply because there is no time to talk about all dreams, but we must live in the real world and time. However, show-off people live like in a fairy tale and try to prove to others that their fairy tale is 100% real.
Of course, someone lives richer and someone poorer. And it seems to the poor that the rich man lives in a fairy tale, especially if he also exposes his life in this way. However, show-off is when a person is inclined to exaggerate his condition, position in society, even if only a little. And the poor person can fall into that hook and begin to set such goals for himself, and having achieved at least a little something, he begins to imagine that he is already the President of the Universe.

Why show off and the meaning of boasting?

It turns out that psychology is what the doctor ordered here. Think simple sunglasses - why would a person wear them? To protect his eyes from the bright sun, that is, reality does not suit him, and he found a solution to the problem and the wave that was necessary and reasonable.
Then it is clear why then show off.

Ponty is psychological protection from reality.

People do not want to live and see reality because it does not suit them. Sometimes reality is really bad, but sometimes it's not. sometimes a person lives very well both financially and emotionally, but still seeks to escape from reality.

Such people may and want to solve pressing, real problems, but for example, if it didn’t work out once, then they give up and begin to move away from reality. Or they do not know how to solve the problem and do not ask for advice, and therefore, also faced with a kind of hopelessness in reality, they go into their own world, where everything is fine and there are no problems.
Everyone wants to be happy and a person by nature looks for where it is warm and good. And if a person suddenly felt at least some spiritual relief somewhere, then he would definitely go there again.

But everything would be fine, if only rose-colored glasses did not have different forms. There are more harmless rose-colored glasses both for the person himself and for society, but there are also destructive ones that introduce a person into an even more depressive state, which is difficult to get rid of and start living in reality.
Consider 3 types of pink glasses, show-off or the psychology of boasting - call it whatever you want. You probably understood that this is a serious matter, not superficial even in order to see where show-offs and boasting and rose-colored glasses originate.

Types of show-offs and how to remove rose-colored glasses?

"I do not have problems"

This is a more or less safe type of show-off, but of course not without consequences.
Of course, each person can live as he wants and no one has the right to condemn the other. Judge not lest you be judged. Perhaps some individual wants to stand out from the crowd, from the so-called ordinary gray mass, from everyday life and begins to live in his own way, in a different way. It seems that there is no harm either to this person or to society, namely the global one. Although it is possible that a young family who listens to hard rock at full volume until late and will create inconvenience, but if they turn off the music at 23:00, they will not violate the law on silence and there will be no big claims against them.
One side of the rose-colored glasses is "I'm fine, just super and I have no problems." I would like it to be so. It is worth noting here that this is not a statement of a simple optimist who believes in a bright future and does not lose hope. Here we are talking about show-offs, when a person for show, defiantly shows his attitude to reality. And the ruin is, although it can only affect that person, that when problems arise, the person does not solve them, but simply closes his eyes and lives as if nothing is happening.
There are reasons for this. For example, a person has not grown emotionally, that is, the passport age does not match the emotional one. A person seems to already have to think with his head and be more serious and avoid some problems, but he seems to be in childhood. It could also be parenting by domineering, overprotective parents. The child is accustomed to care and if he wants to live on his own, then his parents will immediately tell him that he is still small and he does not need these problems and they will quickly settle everything themselves.
A person, unfortunately, if he does not work on himself and does not build right relationship with others, even in the face of parents, then with age it becomes a character trait.
Such people have a show-off in relation to their well-being, external and internal, which in fact does not exist.
For example. A man can have a family. but he is not the head of this family. If he came across a faithful woman who is trying for the family and investing a lot, for example, in raising children, without his participation, then he was just lucky. But he is not a real part of a real family. Such husbands are often indecisive, and give everything into the hands of their wife, hiding behind their employment at work or their character. The wife, in principle, decides all issues herself, not because she wants to, but sometimes she is simply forced to do so. Of course, such families may not have a long continuation. However, the husband boasts more about his children, his wife, than he will do anything real for them. For example, standing with friends in the evening, such a man says that he has a golden wife and already 2 children whom he is raising. But in fact, he probably didn’t even live with his family for some time, but left and his wife with small children of 3 years old lived on her own, and then he just returned. But he does not remember this and does not consider it to be something wrong, but it was simply difficult for him then. And how was the wife with these two children? And now his household chores are sitting at the computer and eating dinner. That is, there is no emotional load on him and he does not even understand this. However, he has show-offs, which he will definitely show and boast. What to do?

1.1. Understand the problem.

It is easier to solve this situation if such a person does not have bad habits.
If you want to change your perception of the world and become more serious, that is, look at problems not through rose-colored glasses and that your show-offs are justified, then this is already good. Recognizing the problem and agreeing that it exists is already a lot in this situation. Because a person can deny the presence of show-offs and boasting, but really believe that he is an optimist and a realist, while others are simply jealous and pessimists.
That is, a person must begin to mature emotionally.

1.2. Find real friends.

You need to seek communication with the “right” people, that is, with those who will really help you look at things more broadly and more realistically. However, you must have confidence in these people so that you are more receptive to their words of advice. Therefore, look around and see who you trust and whose advice really once benefited you and separate them from your current ones, who only spend time with you as in a virtual world.

May be best friend is your wife who has been spending so many years to save your family and wants to continue living with you because she loves you? Relatives and friends are most likely those with whom it is worth getting close and those who can give direct advice, but to the point and the most practical.

1.3. Do not be influenced by show-offs.

People are often so eager to brag that they are willing to spend huge sums of money on the latest model phone or the exact brand of car. Often such things are taken on credit and are called show-offs. A person begins to brag about the thing that, in fact, does not yet belong to him, and several months of loan repayment are still needed.

People who do not like you encourage you to buy those things that you absolutely do not need, with the money that you do not have.

Therefore, if you see that someone is simply pushing you into a rash purchase, even if not on credit, refuse this agreement. The person who tells you that you can't live without this thing is simply benefiting from the fact that you buy it and nothing more. He doesn't think about your well-being as much as he talks about it.

Be content with what you have and don't take unjustified loans.

If you go to the store and know your tendency to show off, then sometimes write a list of what to buy and buy only what is on the list. So you save money on show-offs by not buying a thing you absolutely do not need.
Go to the store at a time when there are not many buyers so that you do not have a desire to brag about your purchase in front of someone.
Go to the store with a friend who is balanced in this moment and can stop you from making a rash purchase.

1.4. Communication with family.

Communication with real people is a way to live in the real world. If you spent the whole evening playing games on the computer, then how will you know how your child grows and what problems he has at school. How can you help him solve problems if you don't even know about them?! Therefore, communicate with your family, with your wife, who will be very happy to have an evening conversation together and even just watch a movie together, and not your solitary sitting at the computer.

1.5. Reading.

Yes, reading is better than watching TV. Nobody says you shouldn't watch TV. But reading engages the brain more and you just have to analyze what you have learned. The TV, on the other hand, gives out a stream of information that you cannot control, and this stream is one-sided and very powerful.
Take a read from the classics.

Often those people who read little do not have a broad outlook, which means they are more likely to pretend to be successful. than to be.

It is also helpful to find some really good hobby and learn something new. That is, your show-off, what you want to brag about, must have at least a reason. However, when you achieve something, you will look at yourself in a completely different way and most likely will be able to present your successes and achievement in the right way, without boasting.

1.6. Character.

Develop positive character traits, and not just show off how good you are. It is difficult to work on yourself, but this is the most important thing. You really need to be of value as a person, and not just have a show-off.
Tune in a positive way and little by little you will see that you have become more responsible and serious. Your wife and loved ones will definitely notice the change for the better and praise you, so you will definitely know about your emotional growth.

Alcohol and drugs.

This is a completely different show-off. These show-offs have detrimental consequences much stronger. Faster and not only more tangible.
What is a person trying to hide behind the show-offs of alcohol and drugs? The same as for simple show-offs. Man tries to hide reality from his eyes. A person may have problems, but does not become an overly optimistic person, but begins to escape from reality by getting drunk or even taking drugs.
Such a person, of course, drives himself into vicious circle, which is why it is written at the beginning of the article that it is much more difficult to deal with this type of show-off. Such a person may think that he is suffering only and that others, on the contrary, create problems for him and do not allow them to live in peace.
The same is true with drug addicts. However, drugs require a lot of money, so these show-offs are even deeper. For example, a person can drink from a lack of money, although he himself is to blame for this. Of course, there are exceptions. However, among drug addicts, the percentage of those who have a material balance is higher. That is, rich children or adults, for example, have reasons to show off their show-offs, but for some reason they do it this way. What to do?

2.1. Confess to the problem.

This is the same step as in the first case. But here self-criticism should be raised. A person who has gone down a lot will find more reasons to justify it, because confessing to a more serious offense is harder. If you understand your problem, then you need to admit it to yourself first of all. Nobody says you have to go out and scream about it.

2.2. Enlist help.

Of course, you need to work on yourself on your own, but support and help are very important and can be an incentive for you.
Therefore, you need to change the circle of communication. Why do you need so-called friends who do not live in reality themselves?
Is there really no one who appreciates you and wishes you well? Of course have. These are your loved ones, this is your family. But first of all, you have to choose for yourself. You must have self-respect. But love for others is an incentive not to return to the past.
It's hard to break up with friends. Old friends don't want you to change your lifestyle. Because to some extent they themselves want it, but they cannot, therefore they envy your attitude and decisive actions. Don't fall for their tricks.
For example, how "friends" act. They come to visit you, for example, and see you sober. And they begin to offer to relax together on the weekend or even without delay right tonight or now there is a reason and what to use. Familiar scenario?
But you are also not a weak-willed individual. You must firmly say that you will no longer drink alcohol with them. If your “friend” insists, then you can even ask him to leave because you have things to do.

Remember, the first drink is the most dangerous!

Do not go to corporate parties and those campaigns where there will be something that you refused. Don't think that you can relax even a little. Many who really coped with the problem of alcohol abuse, at first, generally abandoned it in any form.
Changing your personality is difficult, so why provoke yourself?

2.3. Professional help.

If you need medical attention, then that's fine. Dependence on alcohol and drugs is very strong and acts on the physical level, and as you know, a person is weak in the flesh. Therefore, the course of treatment will only help you.
Accepting help is not humiliating. On the contrary, it is a strong move.
So, show-off and the psychology of boasting is not an easy topic, as it seems at first glance. If you know a person who does not live in reality, is there anything you can do to help? You do not need to take his life into your own hands, but do not put an end to such a person. If he asks you for help and, alas, you see that he really wants to change, then be a friend not only in joy, but also in sorrow.
There are a lot of show-offs and rose-colored glasses, but there are also enough realists. Therefore, perhaps this article will help someone look at things more realistically and change something in their psychology.

Read helpful articles below.

There are many synonyms for the word "boast":

brag, brag, brag, brag, brag, boast, boast, magnify, conceit, bustle, brag, swagger, exhibit, expose oneself, shine with something, think a lot (highly) about oneself (dream, think), throw dust in the eyes, swagger, to put on airs, to show off, to exaggerate; brag, brag.

However, whatever you call it, the meaning does not change.

So why does a person boast?

For most people it is important to show themselves, to prove themselves. Almost everyone, no matter what they say, strives to prove to others (even if not in an explicit, directive style) that they are superior to them in some way, amuse their sense of self-importance. Everyone, one way or another, wants to be the best.

Some buy expensive cars for this, others try to demonstrate their physical fitness in any situation, others join one or another subculture, showing that they are not like everyone else, they want others to think the same about them. However, no one wants to admit that excellence is important to them. Moreover, not the fact of superiority itself, but the recognition of this by others.

Why do people brag? Why is this not good and why not?

Probably everyone wants to feel "above" all this, all this fuss, pettiness. Whether it is a man, a woman or a child, no one wants to admit, first of all, to himself, that the main thing for them is to show themselves, to prove to others their toughness.

Everyone wants to think that they have higher goals and objectives, but not “boasting”. Everyone wants a sincere recognition of their merits, an assessment of what has been done, no one wants to think that he has begged for praise.

How to stop boasting? Is it possible?

Why is this happening? After all, this, in fact, is closely related to natural selection and the demonstration of one’s strengths ... Perhaps such a struggle between the “internal” desire to show oneself and the “external” denial of this (boasting is not good) is connected with disbelief in one’s own strengths.

• Everyone understands that achieve something specific much more important than promising to do so. After all, saying something good about yourself is quite easy - much easier than doing something important - after a demonstrative demonstration of yourself, you will have to prove everything that has been said in practice.
• Often, the more successful a person is in life (how to become one?), the less he needs to prove something to others, and, first of all, to himself. He has set a goal for himself (can you do it?), and he goes to it without being distracted by extraneous things.
• The more energy we spend specifically on achieving our goals, on solving the tasks set for ourselves, and not on demonstrating ourselves from all sides, the more we can achieve. If you spend all your time on the "peacock's tail", then where will the strength come from for the main thing, for what everyone really wants to strive for deep down.

The main thing is to understand what we are striving for. After all, the concept of success should not be associated with others! For our own goals, we are responsible, first of all, to ourselves - don't get distracted by those around you(in the bad sense of the word)!

Kovalenko Andrey

This year has been important for me. I quit a great job at NBC to go back to Chicago. Started dating his angel Jamie Holland. Started doing yoga (thanks to Jake Fisher and Jonah Pearlstein!). Wrote an album with Matthew Johansson. Wrote another album that I'm proud of. Hung out with Owen Wilson and worked on an amazing project with Will Ferrell. Talked to David Gregory about Barack Obama. Danced. Joined the kickball team. Won several awards...

It is so easy to mislead those who were aware of my dream. First of all, yourself.

And this is not even half of the Facebook post that was sent by mail to American blogger Tim Urban by his girlfriend. According to Tim, the evening was hopelessly ruined. He re-read it several times before realizing the reason for his irritation: the most repulsive statuses on social networks are dedicated to the author himself and do not bring anything joyful to those who read it.

That is, to put it simply, no one likes boasting. It can awaken dormant complexes and destroy any relationship. I have come across bouncers many times, but for some reason I never once asked myself: why are they doing this? What does this kind of communication bring to people's lives? I was indifferent to the nature of boasting until I came across this article by Urban. Something about the post he was quoting kept haunting me until I found out exactly what it reminded me of. My own statuses in social networks had the same rainbow-sweet aftertaste, and every word had to confirm the colorfulness of my life and the complete absence of gray everyday life in it. By the way, I wrote something similar not so long ago just on the day of the outgoing year. Then my status collected more than fifty likes, and it didn’t even occur to me to think about what my thoughts could deliver to someone. discomfort or even provoke anger towards me. Quite the contrary - I was sure that my friends were sincerely happy for me, for my dreams come true and goals achieved. Urban's article forced me to look at my behavior in a completely different light. And I liked this light less and less every minute.

Looking at my social media posts over the past few years in a new way, I found that they all seemed to be screaming, “Look what an amazing life I have!” - mixed with travel photos, selfies with the beloved man, Moschino dresses, jewelry and the invariable attribute of the "happiest woman in the world" - chic bouquets in hatboxes and without them.

EXPERT ADVICE: "Boasting that causes a desire to imitate, improve, change for the better is the most socially acceptable." Oksana Rustamova, Deputy General Director of the consulting company Intellectual Capital

Before, I didn’t even realize that my thoughts about myself, my hasty enthusiastic posts after a wonderful holiday, could drive someone crazy. I was sure that my tender relationship with a man, whom I sometimes confessed my feelings to and thanked for his incredible care, would push people to improve their own relationships, teach patience and the ability to appreciate love. This is probably why I counted at least a hundred photos with my beloved. Each is an example of an idyll. I knew for sure that my friends shared my joy of trips to the islands, niche fragrances, new Prada shoes and beautiful ring which I received during my engagement. After all, real friends are obliged - as they say, both in sorrow and in joy. Especially in joy. However, Google, to which I went for help, cooled my ardor. Scientists from world universities (London, Carnegie Mellon, Bocconi) advise against posting information about large purchases on social networks, because people may not understand you and decide that you are trying to brag.

Scientists ruthlessly state: a feeling of envy online cannot turn into a negative attitude in real life. Like me, advice was given to be more modest, to put yourself in the place of those people who read posts on social networks - in order to avoid hostility and discord in relations with acquaintances and friends.

So, I was too frivolous, selfish and boastful. But where does the desire to show off come from and why was it imperceptible to me myself? Arguments came across very different - even those that, in the spirit of Freud, explained my desires with sexual dissatisfaction or a deformed clitoris. Not so long ago, American scientists conducted an experiment on whether boasting brings people much joy. The results showed that we are very fond of showing off, and this process gives us more pleasure than a large amount in the bank account or sex. During the test, the participants had to tell any flattering stories about themselves. It is noteworthy that the data turned out to be the same - whether the person boasted during a live conversation or talked about himself on social networks.

Usually people like to brag about what worries them the most.

It turned out that at the moment of boasting, the human brain activates the mesolimbic tract, which is responsible for the process of obtaining pleasure - for example, from delicious food, big money, taking drugs. The feeling of self-worth is also very pleasant to us. So much so that when the participants were offered a small amount of money in exchange for them to switch to discussing another person (say, the president), they all refused.

The forums argued that the root of evil lies in the indifference of the bouncer to the feelings of others, in unstable self-esteem, arrogance, and even the desire to humiliate the interlocutor. Pierre Boiste, author of the universal dictionary of the French language, and my grandmother are no less ruthless in stating that braggarts are people of dubious moral character. The first argued: “Boasting means, without any courtesy, saying to others: I am better than you.” Grandmother echoes him: "Boast - do not mow: your back does not hurt."

I really never complained about back pain from boasting, but this does not explain the nature of the strange desire to tell about my life in all colors. While looking for sources, I came across an article by renowned American psychologist and best-selling author Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard. He substantiates boasting with a demonstrative type of temperament. Gilbert calls such people hysterics and believes that their main quality is the desire to constantly be in the spotlight by any means. Quite often they choose to show off. And it does not matter that they receive extremely negative attention. It is more important for them that they get it at all.

Selfie is a typical example of showing off one's own appearance. And thanks to selfie (Relationship selfie - a photo with a loved one) you can boast of a happy relationship

My German friend, coordinator of international projects, thinks like this: “People probably brag, because everyone wants to feel that they are needed by someone. Some get it among friends, in the family, and some don't get it, that's why they brag." However, such theories do not answer why people are so eager to prove that their choice of a life partner is the most correct, their career is the most successful, and their home is invariably located in the very the best place. What is the reason that women and men continue to praise their unloved place of work to their friends? Why do some prefer to be modestly silent about their successes and achievements, while others so need to shout about it to the whole world?

Why, after I failed to move to another country, I began to look everywhere for confirmation that it was probably for the best? And the most amazing thing is to find. Indeed, it is much easier to believe that I did the right thing than to say to myself: “Yes, I am really terribly upset that I did not find the strength in myself to reach the goal.” Therefore, now I diligently prove to others that I am satisfied and happy. And my new place of residence - the best of that the confirmation. I live near the sea, I have a wonderful husband, I do what I love - perhaps it looks perfect from the outside. And as proof, I will post juicy photos on a velvet beach with a perfect tan or jogging in a green park. It is so easy to mislead those who were aware of my dream. First of all, yourself. How many unfulfilled desires and fading hopes are hidden under a praise of their choice!

These and similar actions are based on fear. It can be a fear of many obstacles on the way to the goal - for example, to become not just an artist who paints pictures for the love of art, but a great artist of her time. It may be the fear of losing everything by starting your own business. Or the fear of admitting to yourself that your relationship has become so insipid that it doesn’t even cause negative emotions. Or that a hateful job is the most boring job in the world. The fear of changing something in your life—whether it's a move, a new relationship to replace a dead one, or a lack of confidence in your own talent—leads to a flood of boasting. Usually people like to brag about what worries them the most.

The most frightened like to brag that they have worked in the same place for ten whole years. Thus, they tactfully hint about their professionalism and reliability. How more people seeks to fill the space around him with talk about his life, the more I understand that the only thing he wants is to become more significant. Tell others and at the same time convince yourself that he was very lucky. It turns out that for many it is quite enough to live by disseminating information - true or not. Their self-confidence, their happiness is not based on their own emotions, but only on the reaction of others. Only under the condition of feedback in their soul comes harmony - however, not for long. So the whole life of such people turns into an endless race for reasons, fictional or real.

One of the greats said that happiness is the complete absence of the desire to prove anything to anyone. Listen to yourself: maybe you wanted not a new gadget worth five salaries or a designer bag to brag to your colleagues, but more than anything else - to live in Bali?

EXPERT ADVICE: "When you talk about yourself and your merits, feel free to make fun of yourself - recommends Vitaly Graboev, presentation consultant. - You need to show not only the front side of success. This technique is constantly used by stand-up comedians. Learn from them. The category of achievements is relative, and all good things are perceived as such only in contrast to mistakes.

Boasting is always a lie. First of all, because you are trying to be at least briefly in the glory, or at least look better than you really are. Of course, there are safer types of bragging, such as when grandmas show pictures of their grandchildren or my mom tells friends that I write articles for ELLE. It can also include constructive boasting to increase salaries, get the desired position. But it's not about them.

Boasting can be used as manipulation. With its help, it is quite easy to provoke envy, irritation. In this case, the bouncer acts according to the principle: show people your happiness - and you will poison their lives. For example, my friend Olya set a goal to take revenge on her ex. To do this, she needed to properly embellish her life. First of all, new relationships. Olya threw herself into the arms of men, captured hot kisses on selfies, which she immediately posted on social networks with life-affirming captions: "I think I'm in love" or "A new magical life." A couple of days later, the former sent a courier with a bouquet to her work. This was another reason to collect likes under the photo with flowers. It seems that he even returned and they stayed together for a few more months. And then he disappeared again. If there is no love, you can play on jealousy and a sense of ownership, but the desired effect will quickly end.

Next to great people, everyone feels at least a little great. Bouncers, on the contrary, are sorry to share attention, admiring and envious glances. The goal of the braggart is to prove that the great one is here alone. However, deep down he doesn't think so. It is most difficult to deceive yourself, and rarely anyone succeeds. However, if it succeeds, people go crazy with megalomania.

I would be very happy (and I promise I wouldn’t brag about it to anyone) if I could suddenly find out that after reading my article, someone breathed a sigh of relief and thought: “Are there really so many idiots in the world who don’t allow themselves to fully live, but just live their lives? Probably, first of all, you need to prove to yourself: I can, I am worthy, I dream of a better life. It's great that I once took a chance! My friend Anya answered my question about the nature of human boasting in a brilliantly simple way: “This is when you do not feel satisfaction and confidence from what you know yourself, so it is so important for you to cause and receive delight from the outside. Self-sufficient people don't brag. They walk around in worn-out sneakers and it doesn’t matter to them what brand of car they have, they don’t care about the recognition of others. ”

We always have a choice: to build something from ourselves or to represent something from ourselves. It is best if you start building something when you already have at least something in mind. But even in this case, boasting is not The best way talk about yourself.

Feelings of inferiority and the depressions that result from it are often rooted in early childhood. It has been scientifically proven that insufficient attention to the child and constant criticism can undermine the development of healthy feelings dignity at a teenager.

The feeling of inferiority has deeply erotic roots. A child feels inferior if he notices that he is unloved, and in the same way an adult.

Alfred Adler believed that an inferiority complex develops in children for several reasons:

Physical defects (for example, inferiority of any organ, short stature, disproportion).
Excessive parental care that does not allow you to learn how to solve problems on your own.
Lack of parental attention reduces self-confidence.

Physical deficiencies often try to compensate for enhanced training. For example, Demosthenes, who stuttered from childhood, became one of the great orators; Wilma Rudolph contracted polio as a child, which caused problems with walking for a long time, and became a three-time Olympic champion in athletics. Adler suggested that great people achieved their results in the process of overcoming their own inferiority complexes.

If the inferiority complex could not be overcome, then this can lead to neurosis in adulthood. Sometimes the inferiority complex manifests itself outwardly in a superiority complex - in boasting and arrogance.

If a person boasts in order to disguise his fears, for example, if a girl has not married before the age of 40, and she is afraid that she will be left alone ..., while telling friends about her career successes, exotic travels, about buying expensive things ... The same boasting is always creates only the illusion of well-being, a successful life and contentment with it, but at the same time it cannot solve life's problems.

Every person should remember: nowhere and never, under any circumstances, you should not brag about your successes in order to belittle others - this means assert themselves at the expense of others.

And sometimes people brag because want to humiliate you , we have already talked about this. But there is another reason why people brag. They deliberately focus people's attention on what they have so that they don't notice what they don't have. And most of the time that's what happens. For inflatable well-being and hypocritical pride, we most often do not notice the biggest shortcomings. But if you closely, carefully consider everything that such people present to us, we will see that most often they boast because there is nothing to brag about. But why?

Because that's human psychology. Due to one of the qualities that we have - envy , we see that others have what we do not have, and in order not to be worse than others, we begin to exaggerate what we have, and perhaps what we do not have.
Bragging betrays another side of such a person. It betrays his lack of self-confidence. After all, only those who brag are those who are not sure of themselves, who feel that they are inferior to their interlocutor in many ways. and, not wanting to put up with it, begins to fight. His main weapon is boasting. With his help, he wants to climb into own eyes. He convinces himself and you that he is the best in the world and everyone envy him, and only a few understand that there is nothing to envy.

“When you have an expensive car, you stop proving your superiority at traffic lights. When everything works out, you stop boasting and proving it to others.
When you are strong, you become calmer and do not get into a fight. When you really love, you stop screaming about it. A person becomes self-sufficient only when he is confident in himself and knows what he is capable of, and does not force others to believe in it!


A team of US researchers used magnetic resonance imaging to study the brain's response to boasting. The study participants were asked to tell something about themselves: achievements, hobbies, preferences, political beliefs, etc. The results obtained are equally reliable in the case when a person boasted “live” and when he did it through social networks such as Facebook and Twitter, the researchers emphasized. What are these results?

While people told scientists how wonderful they are, their brains activated the mesolimbic tract, which is responsible for obtaining pleasure, for example, from food, sex, money, drug addiction.

sincere.
If others see how a person rejoices with happiness, while planning their own wedding, then only the most malicious and envious friends cannot find the strength and generosity in themselves to rejoice all together. It is these "friends" that are best avoided in other ways; They will not be happy for you when your boyfriend or husband orders flowers to be delivered to you by some significant date. And any real friend will understand how nice it is when you have ordered flowers delivery and it doesn't matter why.

appropriate.
You should never talk about the successes of relatives, children - girlfriends, friends (sometimes even relatives), but those who cannot achieve this should also not talk a lot about the advantages of their work, car, if a friend (acquaintance) does not have one;

Moderate.
In such boasting, there is one simple formula - for the same person, on the same occasion, you can boast only once. You should never get involved in playing Baron Munchausen - this is when the boss praised his subordinate for a successfully completed task, you should not tell all your colleagues, employees about it, it’s better to keep silent about it at work, in the office ... and you shouldn’t be on the side speak strongly;

The emergence of envy or gloating depends on the individual's comparative assessment of his own position in society. If the comparison shows that the individual loses according to one or another criteria to the object of attention, then envy is born. If the object suddenly turns out to be untenable in one way or another, then the individual experiences joy. That is, these feelings reflect the social self-esteem of the individual and are socially significant.

Envy and gloating - "social" emotions - are processed by the same areas of the brain as somatosensory impulses - pain, hunger, sexual satisfaction. As well as pain, envy, and with it other social failures (public censure, unfair treatment, a sense of loss), they take shape in the anterior region of the cingulate, or limbic, gyrus (Anterior cingulate cortex).

Recall that it is natural for a person to evaluate himself positively, and everything that belittles this assessment causes him psychological discomfort. Envy is the result of such discomfort, which has arisen due to the underestimation of social status in one form or another. The same discomfort is caused by hunger or thirst or lack of other vital things, and the limbic cortex evaluates these sensations as a negative, stressful factor. When stress is relieved, that is, when a deficiency is filled, a feeling of pleasure appears, which is organized by the dopaminergic reward system. Pleasures can be of various kinds, including unsolicited gloating. This feeling signals the resolution of the psychological conflict, that is, the replenishment of insufficient self-esteem. This replenishment is achieved by reducing the social assessment of the opponent. There are other ways to reduce the disproportion: reduce the importance of areas of comparison (for example, change profession, social circle, etc.) or increase the social assessment of one's own abilities (for example, through enhanced training). One way or another, the behavior caused by psychological discomfort is aimed at smoothing it out.

Such, according to the authors, is the meaning of these socially significant emotions - envy and gloating. Apparently, they appeared and evolved as necessary element social structure human society, a kind of mechanism for maintaining the social status of the individual, a mechanism for stabilizing the social structure. Yet man has evolved as a social being. Therefore, these emotions are quite organically included in the system of managing needs of paramount importance - such as satisfaction of hunger, thirst, sexual desire and pain relief.

Psychologists consider envy as a vice, as a sign of a limited mind and pettiness of character.

In the dictionary "Psychology" envy is considered as a manifestation of achievement motivation, in which someone's real or imagined advantages in acquiring social benefits ( material assets, success, status, personal qualities) in perceived by the subject as a threat to the value of his own "I" and are accompanied by affective experiences and actions. "Black envy" from our point of view is a negative emotion.

Along with the understanding of envy as a hostile feeling, a hostile attitude towards someone, there is a broader approach, when envy is considered as a phenomenon that manifests itself at three levels: at the level of consciousness - awareness of one's lower position, at the level emotional experience- a feeling of annoyance, irritation or anger because of such a situation, and at the level of real behavior - destruction, elimination of the object of envy. In accordance with this, K. Muzdybaev singles out the following components of envy, which consistently appear one after another:

Social comparison (“... In envy there is always a comparison, and where comparison is impossible, there is no envy,” wrote F. Bacon);
the subject's perception of someone's superiority;
experiencing disappointment, grief, and even humiliation about this;
hostile attitude or even hatred towards the one who is superior;
desire or harm to him;
desire or actual deprivation of its object of superiority

We all live under the influence of the mode of passion and care about how we look in the eyes of others. Whenever possible, we try to improve our image and often resort to boasting.

Why does a person boast? There are two reasons for this. The first is concentration on a material goal. That is, a person set himself some material goal and achieved it. Now he is bursting with pride, his ego is inflated, he was able to do everything, he is a winner. And this power makes him tell others about what a fine fellow he is. This desire to show everyone how good I am is also connected with the fear that others will not notice my positivity. We urgently need to tell and show everyone. Be sure to at least someone, even passers-by on the street.

The second reason for boasting is much deeper. This is internal dissatisfaction or self-doubt, which is essentially the same thing. Because of the feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself, each victory causes a strong desire to assert oneself. Any purchase from buying a dress to buying an apartment is an occasion to show how good, successful and significant I really am. However, everything comes from internal dissatisfaction and a sense of one's own inferiority. This makes a person assert himself, using any external reasons for this.

What to do in this case? You need to do the opposite. If you want to brag, you need to keep yourself from it. If it’s hard to listen to another boast, then you need to overcome this painful state. Now for the main recipe. The more we develop the desire for spiritual rather than material goals, the easier it will be for us to listen to braggarts and the less we will want to brag. The further a person advances along the spiritual path, the more he enters the state of right and the more he sees shortcomings in himself and the less reason for boasting becomes. A lofty goal in life protects against boasting and gives immunity to association with braggarts.