In terms of intensity of passions, it is second only to divorce or death. loved one. Especially if we are talking about dismissal.

Experts advise: try to leave with dignity, without insulting others and without destroying yourself. Your future life depends on how you behave during this difficult time.

Will in a fist!

There is a huge temptation to finally tell the authorities everything that you think about him. Or do something nasty: hide the necessary data, take with you the phone numbers of important customers, for some time paralyzing the work of the once native company.

Do not do that! Firstly, the professional circle is very narrow, and when your new boss calls the former, he is unlikely to find at least a couple of kind words addressed to you. Secondly, if you want your boss to really regret your dismissal, you need to act in exactly the opposite way.

Gather your will into a fist and on the last day say goodbye to him warmly, saying the kindest words. Maybe he will not call you back (which, by the way, is not excluded), but he will certainly give an excellent reference. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you've had up to this minute. As you know, the first and last words are most remembered.

Risk group

Losing a job often undermines a person's self-esteem. He has a feeling of resentment and a feeling of loss of control over life: “Why did they fire me?”, “Am I the worst employee?”, “I don’t decide anything in this life.” If you have such thoughts, you need to say to yourself: “Stop! Life is not only work. In such a difficult situation, it is much more constructive to ask another question - why did fate throw you such a test, what lessons can be learned from this?

Practice shows that most often people who lose their jobs have two opposite psychological attitudes. First of all, these are those who, imperceptibly for themselves, began to live by inertia, for whom work has not brought either moral or material satisfaction for a long time. But the poor fellow does not have the courage to put the application on the table himself. And every morning he goes to work, like hard labor. So fate throws him an unexpected solution to the problem - in the form of staff reductions or rotations leading to dismissal.

Oddly enough, people with a different attitude are at risk of losing their jobs - workaholics who identify their life with work, putting it in first place in the scale of life values. Often fate punishes for such one-sidedness. In addition, a too zealous employee often irritates the authorities: what if he turns out to be more professional than his management?

Vicious circle

Having lost a job, a person gets at his disposal a huge amount of free time. Perhaps at first it even pleases: finally, you will be able to relax! But to relax for real, as a rule, does not work. And an unemployed person begins to experience the emptiness that has suddenly formed in his life. According to the observations of psychologists, such a situation is a breeding ground for the emergence of neurosis.

There is a peculiar vicious circle: due to the fact that there is no work, you experience depression, and this, in turn, does not make it possible to find a job. If this condition lasts long enough, it can come not only to depression, but also to severe physical ailments. Psychiatrists often observe such an effect of “psychophysical wear and tear” not only among those who have lost their jobs, but also among those who have retired: an intensively working person suddenly begins to age rapidly, all sorts of sores begin to stick to him.

In order not to bring yourself to this, experts advise: the search for a new place should begin on the same day that you were informed of the dismissal. The more time passes after losing a job, the more difficult it will be to find it. Treat the dismissal as a test of strength, like an exam, passing which you will come to success.

The more action, the stronger the return.

And in order not to destroy yourself during the time “from work to work”, but at the same time relationships with friends and relatives, try to develop a clear strategy:

● Keep the old rhythm and routine of life. Get up, have breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time as before. If you are a man, be sure to shave every morning. If you are a woman, comb your hair and wear light makeup.

● Do something daily to find a job: surf the web, send out resumes, read job magazines, go to job interviews. A pattern has been noticed: if today you called not five, but ten companies, then tomorrow you will receive calls twice as many as in previous days.

● Use your free time to take care of your health. Do not watch TV until late, get enough sleep, do not drink coffee and strong tea, be sure to go outside every day. Visit a dentist, other doctors, take a course of treatment, if necessary. Do all the boring but necessary household chores that you never got around to doing before.

Don't shut yourself up

Unfortunately, often during a period of forced inactivity, a person’s relationships with loved ones deteriorate. At first, they sympathize with him, but as he closes, goes into depression, it begins to annoy others.

● Try not to switch off from family life: take on some duties that were previously performed by others, share your thoughts, discuss household problems.

● If friends invite you to visit, do not refuse, referring to a bad mood. Maybe just there you will meet someone who will help you find a job. Despite the progress in the field of employment (the Internet, recruiting agencies), they prefer to hire us, as before, “by acquaintance”.

● Do not neglect the offer of temporary work, continuing to look for a permanent one. If you perform well, it can become permanent.

● No one is immune from dramatic twists of fate. Even geniuses. The example of one of the players of the Madrid football club "Real" is widely known. A ridiculous car accident confined him to a wheelchair for a whole year. In the end, he managed to get on his feet, but had to say goodbye to a brilliant football career. “What to do? After all, apart from football, I can’t do anything!” - the former footballer was tormented. Friends advised him to try his hand at ... the singing genre. And they didn't fail. So the brilliant Julio Iglesias appeared to the world.

● No less significant is the story of another famous person. Before becoming famous in the literary field, he was ... an accountant. Everything changed when an unknown Mr. Porter was accused of embezzlement and landed in jail. From melancholy and hopelessness, he began to write stories. He came out of prison as a popular novelist, known under the pseudonym O "Henry.

7 surefire ways to lose your job

1. Have no plans.

2. Do not maintain at the proper level and do not update your skills and abilities.

3. Provide no results.

5. Surround yourself with sycophants.

6. Forget to give credit to others.

By the way

Layoff stress is more pronounced in men. Women are more resistant to the blows of fate and respond flexibly to stressful situation. The loss of a job is very painful for people of retirement age, as well as those who step over “dangerous” age limits: the so-called age of first growing up (33-35 / 35-37 years) and mature age - 46-48 / 52-54.

The level of stress experienced also depends on the psychological type to which the person belongs. Temperamental, sociable people, although they perceive the news of dismissal hard, overcome a stressful situation relatively quickly. As a rule, two weeks are enough for them to get rid of stress. Another thing - people are phlegmatic, closed. Stress develops in them on the rise and stretches for a long period.

When you lose someone or something very dear to you, it can be a great grief. You may be constantly haunted by pain, sad memories, and unanswered questions. You may even feel that you will never be the same again - that you will never laugh and be together. Take heart – while there is no longing without pain, there are healthy ways to grieve that help you move forward constructively. Do not choose a life without joys - work on your losses and gradually, but exactly you will feel better.

Steps

Part 1

Look loss in the face. After a major loss, we sometimes want to do something, anything, to ease the pain. Impact bad habits For example, drug use, alcohol abuse, too much sleep, the Internet, excessive and thoughtless promiscuity threaten your well-being and further addictive pain. You will never be truly healed until you face the loss. Ignoring the pain of loss or comforting yourself won't work that long - no matter how fast you run from your grief, it will eventually catch up with you. You must face your loss. Allow yourself to cry or grieve in a different way to feel natural. Only by acknowledging your grief can you begin to deal with it.

• When the memory of loss is still fresh, grief deserves your full attention. However, you must draw a line for the duration of your grief. Give yourself time, perhaps a few days to a week, to be miserable. Prolonged sadness will eventually cause you to be stuck in a sense of loss, paralyzed by self-pity, and unable to move forward.

1. Release your pain. Let the tears flow. Never be afraid to cry, even if it's not something you normally do. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel or express pain. The important thing is that you recognize the pain and try to work through it. How you do this is entirely up to you and will vary from person to person.

   • Find an outlet for your pain. If you are forced to engage in certain activities when you are grieving, do so (as long as it does not harm yourself or others.) Cry while beating your pillow Go for a long run Throw things Go on a long trip forest or other deserted place and sorting through memories - these are just a few of the ways in which different people pour out their pain. All of them are equally effective.
   • Do not do anything that could harm you or others. Loss should not cause harm or worse. Take the time to learn to rely on your inner emotional reserves and deal with pain.

2. Share your feelings with others. It's helpful to find people who can take care of you when you're feeling down. If you cannot find such a person among your acquaintances, contact a caring stranger, a priest, a psychologist or a therapist. Even if you feel overwhelmed, confused and uncertain, talking to someone you trust is one way to allow yourself to begin to let go of the pain you are experiencing. Think of the conversation as sorting out your emotions - your thoughts don't have to be coherent or motivated. They just need to be expressive.

   If you're worried that those who listen to you may become embarrassed or upset, forewarning what you're going to talk about will alleviate the problem. Just let them know that you are sad, upset, confused, etc., and that you appreciate the person listening to you, despite the fact that some of your words do not make any sense to him. A caring friend or stranger won't mind.

   • Among those who dismiss your grief may even be your friends with good (but wrong) intentions. Reconnect with these people when you feel stronger. Until then, stay away from their impatience - you can not rush your emotional recovery.

3. No regrets. After you have lost someone, you may feel guilty. You may be tormented by thoughts like: "I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye at last time or "I could treat this person better." Don't let yourself sink into your guilt. You cannot change the past by thinking about it over and over again. It is not your fault that you lost someone you loved. Instead of dwelling on what you did or should have done, focus on what you can do - fire up your emotions and move forward.

   • If you feel guilty after a loss, talk to other people who knew the person or animal. They can almost always help you convince yourself that the loss is not your fault.

4. Save things that remind you of your loved one. Just because a person or animal has passed away from this world does not mean that you should not always remember them. You may be pleased to know that even though the person or animal is not around, the friendship, love and personal relationship you still have with them. No one can ever take that away from you, and your relationship with them will always be a part of you. Some memorabilia will forever be useful, reminding you of your courage, perseverance and ability to imagine a better future.

   • Keep mementos that remind you of a person or animal in a box somewhere out of sight. Take them out when you want to immerse yourself in memories. As a rule, leaving memorabilia in plain sight is a bad idea. The constant reminder that someone is no longer around will prevent you from moving on.

5. Get help. In our society, a huge disadvantage is the stigma attached to people who seek help with emotional problems. Seeing a therapist or psychologist will not make you weak or miserable. Rather, it is a sign of strength. When you ask for help, you show an amazing desire to move forward and overcome your grief. Feel free to make an appointment with a professional—in 2004, more than a quarter of American adults had seen a therapist in the previous two years.

   Part 2

   Working towards happiness

   1. Don't focus on sadness. Try to remember Good times and the best moments spent with a person or animal before you lost it. Focusing on negative thoughts or regret cannot change what has already happened. It will just make you feel even worse. Be sure that none of those who have ever brought you happiness will want you to drown in sadness. Try to remember what this person talked about, the little quirky mannerisms, the time you spent laughing together, and the things this person taught about life, about yourself.

      • If you have lost a pet, remember the wonderful times you spent together, the happy life that your pet gave you, and his special character traits.
      • Any time you are on the verge of falling into sadness, anger, or self-pity, grab a journal and write down the good memories of the person or pet that is no longer with you. In moments of sadness, you can flip through this magazine for a reminder of the happiness you had.

   2. Distract yourself. Keep yourself constantly busy and keep yourself busy with tasks that require constant focus, so give yourself a break from constantly thinking about the loss. It also gives you the opportunity to understand that there are still good things in our world.

      • Work or school can provide some relief from constant thoughts of loss, but don't rely entirely on the mundane to distract yourself, or you risk getting used to feeling like there's only work and sadness and nothing else. Help yourself by becoming happier through self-activity by doing things that give you a sense of peace. There are various hobbies such as gardening, cooking, fishing, listening to your favorite music, walking, drawing, painting, reading, etc. Choose something that calms you down and gives you a sense of joyful achievement (not something that everyday work or school might promise) .
      • Consider actively participating in social work. Shift your attention from your own problems to someone else's. Volunteering is one of options. If you love children, helping to work with young children who burst into spontaneity and laughter can ease your mind.

   3. Find joy in beautiful days. A common sign of grief is to stay at home, neglecting your outer life. When the first sadness has passed, take the opportunity to greet sunny days. Spend some time walking, watching and just noticing the beauty of nature. Don't try to chase specific feelings - just allow the warmth of the sun to pass through you and the sounds of the world to flow through you. Admire the beauty of the trees and the architecture you see. Let the hustle and bustle of life remind you that the world is beautiful. Life goes on - you deserve to be a part of it and eventually return to everyday life.

      Get back the idea of ​​what you have lost. When you lose someone, it's sad but true that you will never enjoy his or her physical presence. However, this does not mean that the person or animal you lost still does not exist in the world as an idea or symbol. It is known that the person you have lost lives in your thoughts, words and deeds. When we say, do or think about something, we do it under the influence of the memory of those who have gone, and thus he lives.

      • Many religions teach that a person's soul or essence remains after his or her body's physical death. Other religions teach that a person, in essence, turns into another matter or is reborn on earth. If you are a believer, take comfort in the fact that the person you lost still exists in a spiritual sense.

   4. Spend time with good people. You may find it difficult to force yourself to go out and spend time with friends after a loss. However, it can cause a noticeable improvement in mood. It is good to look for a group of friends who will understand your emotional state, even if you have not yet recovered to 100%. Find cheerful, but kind and sensitive friends or acquaintances. They will help you return to your normal social role, which in turn will help you take your mind off your grief.

      • Your first meeting after a severe loss can be a little cramped or awkward, because your friends are just very concerned about how to approach the issue. Do not let these circumstances lower your head - sooner or later you will still need to return to public life. Be persistent, although it may take several weeks or months before everything falls into place, spend time with good friends is almost always a great idea.

   5. Don't pretend to be happy. When you return to a normal lifestyle, you may feel the need for a career and social status in order to feel happier than you really are. While you should try not to wallow in sadness all day long, you should also not try to be happy "by force". Being happy "by force" is terrible - you have to walk around with a smile when you really don't want to. Don't turn happiness into horror. It must come of itself and seriously affect your social life and work, provided that you do not in any way interfere with the happiness of others. Smile when you are truly happy - it will be much more pleasant.

   6. Let time heal the wounds. Time heals all wounds. Your emotional recovery may take several months or years - this is normal. At the same time, you can eventually begin to honor the memory of the person you lost by showing more determination to enjoy life to the fullest.

      • Don't worry - you will never forget those you loved. Don't let yourself lose the inner confidence that will help you rediscover lost goals and accomplishments. A focus of effort, a new sense of worth, or a whole new way of thinking about some aspect of your life can change how you feel about life from this perspective. This progress will become impossible if you don't give yourself some time to heal.
      • When taking the time to heal wounds, it is important to remember that your life is precious and that you are responsible for most of your lifetime. The purpose of your life is to be happy, not sad. Don't run away from grief, but don't settle for a partial recovery either. Make your path to recovery one of the paths to gradual improvement. You owe it to yourself to keep moving forward, no matter how long it takes.
      • Music can be a very soothing way to deal with a problem when you feel loss and pain. Try to smoothly transition from sad to more upbeat songs, or you can just be sad for a while while listening to sad music.
      • If someone tells you to "don't mind" don't argue with them. This will make you feel even worse, because it will mean that you are not good at holding back emotions, unlike someone else. In other words, you will start to think that you have a problem dealing with your grief, when in fact there is no such problem. It's just what you feel. Just do not listen to them, because they do not know what kind of relationship you had with your loved one. You will survive the grief yourself, everything has its time.
      • Remember that every person feels differently. Don't worry if you feel like it's harder for you to bounce back than others from the same loss. This usually shows how close your loved one really was to you. Some people don't even cry, while others take months to calm down.
      • Grief operates in its own unique sequence, affecting different people. Not everyone will be able to deal with it right away, and, again, not everyone will experience it equally painfully.
      • Life is beautiful - it has many more surprises for you. So go ahead and smile, visit new places and meet new people.
      • You are free to think about other things. Nowhere is it said that you have to live with the loss to prove your sadness or to show others how much the loss means to you. People already know that you are shocked, you don't have to prove or explain anything.
      • Don't regret anything. Don't give up because you missed a chance to apologize or say "I love you" or "Goodbye." You can still say it.
      • Love yourself. If you fall (and you will), laugh at yourself, give yourself a kick, and move on.
      • Patience is the key. Don't force yourself if things can happen as they should.

      Warnings

      • Beware of methods such as drugs and alcohol, they can lead to further problems and addiction.

The trauma of loss and loss is much broader than it might seem at first glance. For most of us, loss is associated with death. But life is not so simple. We experience losses more often than we might think.

And if you think about it, what is loss (loss)?

Ozhegov's explanatory dictionary gives the following interpretation:

"Loss - what is lost, loss, deprivation of something."

"Loss - loss, damage, damage (mainly about someone's death; high)".

Following these interpretations, I will apply the concept of "loss (loss)" in this article depending on the context.

read also:

Tim, who lost what and why is it with us, if we care for loved ones? Why does it hurt so much, why are the beds importantly dihat, and the suffering of the beds is total, you don’t know where they are born.

Encounter with Death Recently, I often think about death. For some reason, life pushed me with her very early. The first time it happened was when I was only 5 years old.

So, about losses. The range of losses can be quite wide - from the banal loss of a wallet to the death of a loved one.

For yourself, you can define a list of losses by highlighting from the proposed list what you experienced:

The cat diedThe apartment was robbedThe wallet was stolenCar accident

Hamster died Lost job Loss of health Children left home

Grandmother died Friendship ended Partner died

Failed exam Brother died Sister died Lost home

Miscarriage Dog died Parents divorced

Friend died Had a nervous breakdown Transferred from favorite school

Family marriage collapsed Mom died Dad died

Broken arm or leg Moving from a childhood home

Loss of faith Loss of financial stability

Moving to another country Loss of youth

It's all losses. And to this list, you can add what you personally experienced.

Any more or less significant loss (loss) for a person must be experienced. Experience is the successive passage of stages, which I will describe below. If we do not "experience" the loss consistently, stage by stage, then it remains unexperienced, and continues to live in us, manifesting itself in certain situations in some special way. The time of "experiencing" the loss depends on its significance and can vary from several days to several years. But the stages always remain the same - shock - anger - compromise - depression - adaptation.

Loss is significant for us if we experience strong emotions at the same time. Losing a loved one is grief. And it is about this emotional state that I will speak.

How to cope with the loss of a loved one? How to deal with grief? How to survive it correctly in order to return to a full life.

The experience of loss must go through several stages (stages). Why do I write MUST pass? The stages described below are the "normal" experience of loss. The way it should be experienced in order to maintain mental and physical health. Violation in the course of the experience of loss is accompanied by "sticking" at some stage. In this case, there is a violation of the mental activity of a person, which, of course, affects his entire subsequent life.

So, about the stages.

First stage – Shock and denial. When a person learns about the loss. This state is accompanied by numbness, numbness, protest, a feeling of the unreality of what is happening - "This cannot be!". It is associated with sadness and despondency. This state has a very low energy vibration. It is “normal” for a person to be in this state for no more than two weeks after the death of a loved one. If a person "sticks" at this stage, then he chooses a life filled with constant regrets and depression.

How to help a person cope with a state of acute grief?

During this period, it is very important to be close to a person so that he does not feel so acutely emptiness and loneliness. Just be around. In most cases, this is sufficient. Words of comfort may not always be appropriate, because they can devalue the significance of a human loss.

"All the will of God"

"I know your feelings"

"Thank God you still have kids"

"He lived a good life"

"I'm really sorry"

"You must be strong for your children"

"Time cures"

If you don't know what to say, it's best not to say anything. But to offer some kind of help - it will be appropriate (offer water, sit down somewhere, etc.). If a person wants to speak out, then this should be encouraged. When a person has a need to speak out, this indicates that he is coming out of a state of apathy. As soon as a person starts crying or screaming, we understand that the person is getting better. As soon as tears appear, he starts eating again.

Second stage - Anger. As a rule, anger arises against the background of fear. The person "comes to his senses" and faces reality. Feelings of anger may be accompanied by accusations against oneself, against other people or circumstances. A person is tormented by the fact that everything could have turned out differently "if not for ...". In any case, fear and anger are more energetic emotional states than acute grief and apathy. A person has an increase Vital energy. Fear of danger motivates a person to action. This condition can normally last for a month after the loss.

Next, third, the stage of experiencing loss - Compromise. A person gradually begins to accept the fact of what happened. During this period, he often mentally returns to the past, to where a loved one was still nearby. At times it seems to him that there was no death, and his beloved is about to appear next to him. This is the stage when a person rushes between the realization of the death of a loved one and the unwillingness to believe in it. The completion of this stage is a compromise between "I refuse to believe it" and accepting the death of a loved one as a reality of life.

Fourth stage - Depression. The name of this stage is conditional. This does not mean that a person necessarily sinks into depression. This stage is characterized by the fact that the person finally recognizes the fact of loss. He made peace with it. The inevitability of what happened plunges a person into a state of sadness. This is a necessary step! A person must “grieve”, “burn out” the loss. This state should lead to calm and complete acceptance of what happened. The “normal” duration of this stage is 8-9 months from the moment of loss of a loved one.

The final stage of experiencing loss is Adaptation. The person returns to his usual way of life. Memories of a loved one become less and less painful. A person comes to the final acceptance of loss and understands that life does not end, it is possible and necessary to live fully even without a loved one. Full adaptation occurs approximately within a year or two from the moment of death of a loved one. During the first year of life, many things still remind you of a loved one. Favorite holidays are celebrated without him - the first birthday without him; the first New Year without him. These are all difficult moments in the first year of life without a loved one. When a year passes, then in the second, all these moments have already been experienced and become less painful.

Describing such a difficult topic as the loss of a loved one, I, first of all, wanted to convey the fact that the life of any person is a change of losses and gains. Where we lose, we are sure to find something new. We cannot bring a loved one back to life, but we gain inner strength, a new experience, a new understanding of life, a new attitude to life. And, of course, a new love can always appear in our heart, for another person. Life can acquire new content, different content, greater meaning. We become different. And it depends only on us how much we allow ourselves these changes.

The loss of a dear person is, unfortunately, something that each of us has experienced or will experience. Or maybe you are experiencing it right now. Coping with loss is one of the most difficult challenges in life. But this is an experience that sooner or later will affect everyone. The loss of a loved one is accompanied by several stages, which are very important to survive without harm to. How to deal with grief?

1. Denial.

Feeling of shock as soon as you hear the news of death. Thought: Is this a joke? If yes, then stop now.” In addition, the very idea that you will no longer see a person so dear to you seems unrealistic. You cannot believe this is happening to you. Death is usually somewhere out there, far away. In someone else's life. In the news and crime reports. But here's what it would be. To be with you. It is not true!

2. Anger.

The news of the death was too unexpected for you. So, you understand that you will never be able to do everything that you wanted for this person. You are angry. Be angry at the doctors, perhaps at the one who is to blame for your loss, at yourself, at the whole world. You are angry that you were not given at least a minute more to say the most important words to your loved one. To give thanks for everything.

3. Depression and bargaining.

It is simply impossible not to feel a hole inside after a loss. And for some period, the loss of a loved one becomes a void that absorbs you. You cannot eat normally. You don't want to go outside, because every person passing by seems to remind you of the deceased, as if you can call out to him right now, and everything will be fine again. And all this time it was just a dream. Too terrible. Red eyes from lack of sleep and periodic tantrums have become an integral part of your appearance. Thoughts that begin with “If only I…” are constantly spinning in your head. You are bargaining with yourself, with fate, living in the subjunctive mood.

4. Acceptance.

In the end, you understand that this is not a joke or a prank, and that a loved one really is gone. The pain hasn't gone away. So are daily commitments. Therefore, you need to pull yourself together and continue to live. At least try. Remember that this person helped you become who you are today. You must do the right thing to make him proud of you. So that those that a loved one may have taught you do not pass without a trace.

The loss of a loved one is the collapse of one small world. However, everyone heals sooner or later. But when you're just at the bottom of your grief, it's too hard to believe. There are several ways to get through this:

1) Let your feelings go.

Keeping everything to yourself is never the right decision. If you do not release this pain, then over time it will roll into a huge lump and simply crush you. It will press right to the asphalt and it will be too difficult to get up. So if you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, go to a place where you can scream to your heart's content. It helps.

2) Talk.

3) Affairs.

The loss of a loved one, shock, grief - all this unsettles. But it is very important not to neglect your daily activities. Going to work, cleaning the house, and even just doing something will distract you from sad thoughts. That will make it easier. So you will begin to return to your usual course, and time will heal and take away your pain.