How to do the maximum for the relationship, if the relationship is on this moment No? What should I do to make them appear? Weekly column "Questions from readers" - I answer:

Olya, Moscow

In today's article (material P Rome. ed.) was the phrase: “It’s the same in relationships. And in money. And in business. In anything. Where the key is "do the maximum in the chosen direction, and you will not suffer." How to do the maximum for a relationship if there is no relationship at the moment? I re-read your article “Man and Woman. How to re-create yourself in a relationship, ”the conclusion from this article is to do yourself and your favorite thing. What then is the maximum for relationships in their absence?

Olya, let's talk together. What kind of relationship do you want to have and with what kind of man?

Tell me, are you ready for a relationship where you and only you will always make decisions? Are you ready for a relationship where you will "drag" a man and be responsible? On a relationship where you will dominate? In different aspects, sometimes financially?

A simple question: are you ready for a relationship with a man who will be weaker than you?

It is clear that the moment of "strength and weakness" is relative, and I do not want to enter into polemics here, because what is an inaccessible good for one, is already a bored norm for another.

But can you agree that there are people who are weaker than you personally, and people who are stronger (both internally and externally)?

Can you honestly admit that there are men who are weaker than you? Not because you are such a strong battle woman (we are not talking about this strength at all), but because people are actually not equal in their spiritual and social manifestations- one way or another, we are at different stages not only of our careers, but also of personal awakening, and we constantly continue to move at different speeds: someone is up, someone is down.

There are weak-willed men, there are alcoholics, and there are many of them, there are dependents, there are lazy and inert, eternal whiners, and just cowards. These are all manifestations of weakness. There are those who try to get out of this, and they succeed. Finally:

Strong are not born, strong are made.

But there are those who do nothing, and at least it's stupid not to notice.

I will repeat my question again. Are you ready to be with a man who will obviously weaker you?

If so, then it's easier for you - go and get yourself a man. That is, act intensively in the field of improving your personal life in all ways that exist. A couple of recipes:

• Be constantly on the lookout
• Shoot your eyes
• Call the men first
• First invite to meet
• send a lot of sms

As soon as an interesting man appears in your field of vision, do not leave him for a minute. Praise, fall in love, even flatter, give expensive gifts for the holidays, be available 24 hours a day, even for a meeting, even for SMS, forgive his forgetfulness, pretend that you don’t notice, if words disagree with deeds, pay everywhere for yourself , it will be generally wonderful if sometimes you pay for it, and, God forbid, do not immediately answer his phone call or message.

In short, take this man as soon as possible so that he does not have time to come to his senses, because "no one else will love him like you."

This works great. With one caveat:

Active actions can only take a man who is weaker than you.

A strong man takes himself. This is its fundamental difference. A strong man, if you will - a real man, is disgusted by the fact that he was "taken", because he is a male with all the resulting instincts and self-identification.

What if you suddenly would like to see a strong man next to you?

The dumbest piece of advice I've ever heard about this was: "Stop being strong, you need to become weak woman". How weak? To live with an alcoholic or a man who does not need anything from this life (which for me, for example, is the same thing)?

We continue to discuss together.

How to please a man if you do not take the active aggressive actions described above? How to interest a man if you don’t shoot with your eyes, don’t run to him to talk first, don’t call first, don’t offer to meet under any “reasonable” pretexts, don’t praise him endlessly and for no reason, don’t be available at any of his wishes and don’t send constantly sms?

How to interest a man if he is "not taken"?

The answer exists. I hope you feel it before you read it in my lines.

For this you need be so charming both outwardly and inwardly, so that a man may be born an irresistible urge to do it all yourself: look at you, call, invite, give, please, wait for you to have time to meet, and make sure that you are with him all your life.

He can be worried, shy, even afraid (all these emotions are inherent in strong men), but if you are beautiful in every sense: beautiful, light, playful, friendly, friendly and passionate about your work, without a neurotic desire to urgently marry and shift the burden of your life and responsibility on his shoulders, he will find the courage to take the first step and do it until you become his beloved woman.

With each such step, he will feel stronger, even if in fact nothing works out for you, because only by standing in the active position of a person of action in a relationship, a man will be able to approach his center of power.

The power of women lies in this state when a man just can't help but act.

Such a girl does not shoot her eyes, does not run to a man first, does not agree to a meeting if she has other things to do that day (even if they can be moved), is not afraid to miss a call, does not sleep with the phone and does not answer SMS at night, yes and in the early morning she has other things to do - to put herself in order, attune with the world, do exercises, have breakfast ...

A woman who is not afraid to be alone and loves the world in all its manifestations is very attractive and desirable.

Answering your question: “What then is the maximum for relationships in their absence?”, I will say this - if there is no relationship, then for them you cannot do any maximum(That's when they will - then another matter). Zero multiplied by any other number will always remain zero.

But you can do the best for yourself to become a woman, at the sight of which a man cannot help but act - the attraction is so strong.

Outer beauty

A woman must be beautiful. Men love with their eyes, and that's okay. This is not about glamorous patterns, but about reaching your maximum within the natural potential. .

Inner beauty

It's okay with yourself. Fullness as a result of enthusiasm for this world. Any business that does not let you get bored and stay in the phase of active expectation of a “miracle”.

Inner beauty is the absence of hysteria. This is the ability to wait for both his call and the next man, if required.

It is necessary to occupy yourself with an interesting business, but not according to the principle “I will find a hobby to meet a man, to get married, in order to finally become happy”, but “I will find a business that will captivate me”.

Happy and busy - a state that attracts.

The only way to meet a prince is to become a princess yourself

Recipe for anyone interested:

Be joyful inwardly (through the development of the cause), be beautiful outwardly, and go to places where like-minded people gather. That is, do not sit at home and in the office, attend meetings, events, in the company of interesting people more often. This is not a story about “I’ll go and try once”, it’s “I go a hundred times and I will go again if necessary.” Allow yourself to be "taken" if a man is interesting to you, but do not take it yourself.

Being open to relationships and looking for them are diametrically opposed stories.

I once received advice from a wise adult woman. I asked something in the style: “And if I actively develop, then after all, I can scare away a man? There are those who are afraid of such women.” To which she uncompromisingly replied:

“Baby, you don’t need a man who is afraid of you. What for? Don't be ashamed of your strength.

Thanks her.

I often encounter this phenomenon: I see that men are afraid to take the first step or think of some moments for themselves, I used to “help” them and take the wheel in my hands, today it’s obvious to me that a strong man will find the courage to take a romantic assault if he really needs it. Moreover, we are talking about real actions in the physical world, and not lengthy treatises via SMS or in social networks which I personally do not perceive as reality at all. In other cases, it is a waste of time for both of us, so that through Nth quantity time to suddenly understand that we are different ... and it was obvious from the very beginning.

Be loved! And be together!

Olesya Vlasova

P.S. Friends, this is Final Call! The annual “Rebuild Yourself” push will begin in a few days, on May 14, 2019. I spend this program only once a year and I set as my goal to accumulate the entire array of information under the heading "create yourself anew" as efficiently as possible for practical use. The group is already complete. But it's still possible

Hello dear editors! I am very worried about this problem: after the birth of a child, I had no milk at all, and we were forced to switch to artificial feeding. Now we are waiting for the second, and I really want to find out from a specialist: can I have milk now and what needs to be done for this. Thanks a lot in advance.

Natasha.

An employee of the Center for Medical Prevention, gynecologist Tatyana Nikolaevna Byakova, answers: “Special tests can determine the characteristics of lactation. For example, if you have endocrine diseases, this can affect lactation. But such tests can and should be done only before pregnancy. But since Natalya is already expecting a baby, so she can be advised to choose the right diet Focus on dairy and especially sour-milk products Drink 2-3 glasses of milk or sour-milk products (ryazhenka, snowball, etc.) a day Eat more cheese At least three times a day a week it should be present on your table. Cottage cheese and other dairy products are also desirable. As for calcium, it should be enough in your diet 1200-1500 mg per day. Drink plenty of cocoa. Cocoa contains a lot of magnesium, which indirectly also affects lactating.Green teas with milk are also a good option.And all these drinks should be hot.All these recommendations can but use both during pregnancy (especially in the last trimester), and after the birth of a child. As far as herbs are concerned, there are special charges for sale, I suggest focusing on rose hips and other herbs rich in vitamin C and bioflavonoids. In addition, special homeopathic remedies are sold in pharmacies. But they can only be used after the birth of a child. For example, apilac, Mlekoin. Very few women know about the wonderful procedure that is carried out in the city physioclinic. Here they conduct a special course of treatment with ultrasound (after the birth of a child) - electrical stimulation of the mammary glands with ultrasound. Some women experience amazing results after this procedure!

Golden rules for women who had lactation problems at the birth of their first child:

When the baby is born, the most important thing is to properly apply it to the breast: so that the baby captures not only the nipple, but the entire halo with his mouth.

Massage. Many women, when they experience a lack of milk, begin to squeeze their nipples hard. In fact, the massage should be very gentle - gentle movements from the neck to the nipple. This stimulates milk flow.

After the baby is born, drink about 1.5-2 liters of liquid (preferably hot) per day.

Full rest, night sleep.

Participation of the family, especially the husband in the care of the child.

No anxiety, no stress.

Walks in the open air.

Personal hygiene, lack of perfumes, detergents with a pungent odor.

And remember: the most important thing is a positive, good attitude!

Surround yourself only with people who will pull you higher.

It's just that life is already full of those who want to drag you down.

George Clooney

Once at one of the trainings of S.V. Kovalev, he once again joked on the topic “What to do if you are really waiting for the right call, but everyone does not call you and call?” The answer was something like this: “Put the phone in the farthest pocket, and then go to the toilet and lather your hands!”

In every joke there is only a fraction of a joke. The appearance of the right person in life is an event of great importance.

It is not surprising that by overestimating the importance of meeting such a person, we only push it back.

And vice versa, reducing the importance, we get what we want, as in the soapy hands example.

Sometimes the fate of a whole stage of our life can depend on one meeting, call or even message.

I think that if you start unwinding the ball of any big or small success, then one of the threads will lead to the very right person, from the meeting with whom it all started. And it is possible that there were several such people.

In any case, each of these people provided access to the resources necessary to achieve the desired goal.

These resources could be valuable advice or service , and perhaps this person had material support .

It could also be that such a person is simply awakened inner resources in us through faith and spiritual support. In this case, he was our mentor.

And if the right person has become for us life partner , then he himself has become an inexhaustible source of vital resources in the form of love, care, respect.

Exists big number approaches and ways of how to think correctly about the goal we are striving for.

The goal should be positive, verifiable in experience, be in the right context. And also be environmentally friendly and be under personal control.

These principles are well known in NLP.

Besides, when visualizing, you need to see yourself from the side, achieving a result.

However, there is a significant point that significantly affects the implementation of the plan. It consists in answering the question: “Have we made other people part of our purpose?”

Who will be with us when we reach our goal? And who will help in the intermediate stages?

Let the images of these people appear there.

Even if these people are not yet known to us.

But if we leave a place for them in these inner images, then they will certainly appear in reality.

Now I want to touch on the topic of how other people are represented in our inner world a little more detail.

The main tool is here is a work with a social panorama, discovered by the Dutch NLP-ers L. Derks and J. Hollander.

Our social panorama encodes the images of all the people who were, are or will be in our lives. The most shocking discovery was that changing the internal codes of other people in our social panorama leads to changes in real life.

Before moving on to technology, I want to clarify that the social panorama is the space around us with a radius of about six meters. It contains images of the most significant people in our life.

Technique "How to attract the right person in life?"

1. An important goal. Think about your most important goal right now. Make sure it represents what you want to get, not what you want to get away from.

Also check if it can be seen, heard, presented as a film with yourself in the lead role. Does this movie make you feel good? Make a film about yourself irresistible, add special effects: lighting, background, frame.

Think about the fact that the goal is realized in a specific place, at a specific time. See if your life will be happier if you look at the future through the eyes of that you from an irresistible movie?

2. Main resource. What is the most important resource you need to make an irresistible movie about you a reality? Choose one resource that, according to the Pareto 20-80 law, will provide 80% of your result.

3. Social panorama. Where is the representation of this resource in your social panorama? Look around - the resource can be both above and below and behind your back. Note how it is presented there.

4. The right person. Imagine that an arrow emerges from the resource image, at the end of which the image of the person you need will soon appear. Note where and at what distance from you this image of the right person appeared.

5. Relationship building. Invite this important person to take a place in your social panorama. Determine the conditions under which he will agree to do so.

What will you have to do or give him in exchange? See on your palms the symbol of a gift for the right person. Give this gift to him. Become this person and accept from his position a gift from you.

Being in his position, give yourself a return gift - perhaps it will be the same resource, or maybe something else. Be yourself again and accept the gift in return. Thank you and ask when your actual meeting is expected.

6. Research of obstacles. Ask yourself if there is any part of you that resists the fact that you want to attract the right person into your life? Are there internal or external obstacles to this?

In conclusion, I want to recall the presupposition of NLP that "the Universe is infinitely good and full of resources."

• The people we need walk this earth and appear when we really need it.
• They come when we are really ready to move on to a new stage of life.
• It is possible that we ourselves can become such the right person for someone who needs it at the moment.

Why does one person succeed and another does not? Sometimes chronically. What's this? Fate, a joke of nature, a pattern?

Those who are on “you” with life will immediately answer that everything is simple here - one does, and the other does not, one keeps the rhythm, the other throws. But if you take a closer look, this is just the tip of the iceberg, which, by the way, is clearly visible at the first sign of awareness, including those who fail, but this does not change the meaning. What lies at the basis of this phenomenon?

There are situations even more curious when they do both. But then again, one gets it and the other doesn't. What is the point here?

Just do not say that in the recipe, they say, someone is doing the right thing, and the other is not. We live in an enchanting time, where tasks without clear recipes no longer exist. Absolutely any question has a fixed and partly decomposed answer, and moreover, not one, but under different people and situations painted: Google, Yandex, YouTube to help us all, not to mention the traditional methods of education, advice from friends and observation of the world. So why are there so many people around who cannot cope with banal life issues in the form of bringing their appearance in order, earning money in your favorite business, communicating with like-minded people, financial independence? And what is the difference between those who manage to solve the tasks set for themselves?

Before, I would say that it is a matter of intention - that is, a deep desire without an admixture of lust and requests, bordering on the willingness to accept a new situation in your life.

But today I found a more precise and capacious definition that is on the verge of real change on any of the issues:

sincere spiritual effort

Here, each word plunges into the abyss of universal meaning:

Sincere, a deep, real, living, strong desire to change in the matter that you decide. Not to make others jealous, and not because you are jealous. Not in order to stop feeling your worthlessness, but then to begin your ascent to the light and draw the forces of this world through an endless process of development. Sincerely.

Spiritual understanding the essence of change and the realization of certain goals in life, where the only way implies both contribution and return. Bestowal is as spiritual as the forces we exert in receiving it.

An effort primary, since this is our contribution, from which returns grow. Any attempt to reverse the process - first harvest, and only then try in the beds is ridiculous and sad. No, it's just funny. Effort is the seed of change.

Here is what one of my favorite authors, Paramahansa Yogananda, has to say about this:

Sincere spiritual effort (regardless of inner struggle) causes positive spiritual vibrations.

An internal struggle with a serious confrontation between bright goals and doubts, fears, demotivating thoughts and destructive habits will not be able to interfere with you and will not lead you off course if, with all this, somewhere in the very depths, you make a sincere spiritual effort to change in the issue you want to solve.

I went to my problems, which crawled out in a variety of masks, almost blindly, not having the slightest idea whether I could stand it or not, armed only with a very, very, very strong desire to change and firmly deciding that there was no turning back.

Now I know that my sword was called "sincere spiritual effort", and it cuts through any ignorance, which is heartache, and the intention not to unfold under any circumstances, has also long been described as an axiom of spiritual physics, and, in fact, this is the only way to move forward along the spiral of growing up. When this effort from the very depths is not there, and in fact only superficial “I want” and “give”, a person remains in the role of an ignoramus and can live like this all his life.

The fact of being born in physical body is a hint that a person is in spiritual ignorance.

Yogananda

We are all born unconscious, these are the rules of the game. But to start your conscious ascent along the facets of being or not - this is already free choice of each person and at the same time the line after which he ceases to be a child. He ceases to seek, ask and demand, and begins to create and apply sincere spiritual effort to everything he does.

How to make it work for you?

1. The foundation of foundations is a sincere spiritual effort

I’ve said it over and over again and I want to say it again: people who have truly changed and who have managed to achieve seemingly very difficult goals are not stronger, smarter or more fearless than you - what really distinguishes them is the fact that that they feared THE LACK OF CHANGE more than they feared the change itself. That is, they were so embarrassed by what is that they overcame the fear that appears when moving towards any cardinal changes.

"How am I s-a-d-o-l-b-a-l-s-i."

Words from a famous movie.

They wanted financial and work independence very badly, so much that they were ready to work 12 hours for this, not go on vacation for a couple of years, forget about May, New Year and other gingerbread.

I started out by being sick of being internally unsatisfied. Got very busy. Of course, I also had questions about work. I was pretty tired of making money for someone (and I always worked directly or indirectly in sales and directly influenced the company's income), but this bothered me less than my constant unhappiness, which was already getting out of my ears, even though I tried in every possible way to shut it up with the help of travels, relocations, updates of the companies with which she communicated, and the next novels.

My first decision was to be happy. From here I began to unwind this knot, to re-create myself as the only way to clear ignorance, and to many, many other things where my path has been and continues to be illuminated by the effort to move forward to be who I want to see myself.

2. Meaningful action

Spiritual effort differs from dreams and fantasies in that it is transformed into action. Moreover, it is not the action in itself that is important, but a meaningful action - that is, the ability to correct the route as much as necessary, and without losing the course.

Don't understand what to do? Find an answer. Is a recipe not working? Take the next one. Study the ingredients, try to mix it yourself. In general, there is such a thing with recipes - they rarely work the first time for beginners, only for those who are in the know. It seems that it is sometimes useful for a person to get burned a couple of times, so that later everything goes like clockwork in this matter. Maybe in this way the sincerity of his spiritual effort is tested?

3. Ability to keep the rhythm

The most important skill in any process is called "Don't stop", because nature does not understand another language. A tree cannot stop in its development, why did a person think that he can?

Once a heavy smoker with 30 years of experience, and part-time my mother, showed me an illustration of how to learn to keep the rhythm through her history of quitting cigarettes.

She decided to quit smoking, lasted a day, and the next she was already going to the store for cigarettes, as happens with many of us, but she got into a conversation with the saleswoman. And she cuts her off:

I won't sell. You've lasted one day, so you'll be able to do one more.

And this became the basis for moving along the path of abandoning such a corrosive habit. Not to give up for good, but to endure just one day - only today. The next day, the same thing, plus constantly notice what good is happening to your body if you have not smoked for 3 days, 4 days and so on. And so step by step, so that after 30 days you don’t even think about cigarettes.

When you start something, do not aim for "forever" and "forever", do not make big statements, do not rush into quick changes. Try it today. And so every day, because in fact no other state exists - every time we wake up all in the same today. This is the fastest way to ensure that you personally get what you have in mind.

Some turned to amulets and talismans, others to the forces of nature, others to astrology and numerology.

Believers pray to their gods, bioenergetics disperse flows with positive charge. And everyone knows that the main thing is to believe. There are those who believe only in their own strength, that they have the right.

Such enthusiasts include scientists who decided to consider this issue from the point of view of science. As a result, it turned out that there is a peculiar formula. Its components are: clarity, activity, energy, personality, honesty, perseverance.

Clarity

This concept itself quickly dots the I. Ambiguity and nebula are the worst companions on the road to the goal. No installation - no result. It is strange to expect success if there is no idea what that success will be. A blurry idea of ​​your own desires is a barrier. For someone, luck will be opening their own small business, someone has more ambitious goals. One thing is important - to clearly present your tasks.

Activity

Those parents who allow their children to attend different sections and circles are doing the right thing. How more people covers interests, the more likely he is to find his own business. Finding yourself in the right place is much easier if you visit this place periodically. What turns out to be superfluous is gradually eliminated, and if new interests appear, this is only a plus.

Energy

This is the key factor. You should not count on a successful admission to a university without opening textbooks and without running around tutors. You should not count on sports victories lying on the couch. Only the energetic, decisive, active will become successful, and luck has nothing to do with it.

Surveys of financially independent people showed that only discipline and work made them so. They are ready to develop, learn and work at any age.

Personality

Almost all successful people, with a few exceptions, have common feature- sociability. It is not difficult for them to make acquaintances, and, if necessary, to attract the interlocutor to their side.

In addition, successful people have high demands on themselves: “Everyone else can practice three hours a day, I will do two workouts of two hours each”, “Everyone can use pivot tables, calling them on the display screen, I will know them by heart” - this is how the future lucky ones argued.

Honesty

First of all, you need to be honest with yourself. But others will appreciate this quality. Wagging and dodging, you can’t hold out for a long time in any field of activity. Sooner or later lies and fraud will be discovered. It is better to learn from the very beginning to live correctly.

perseverance

If you repeat the same action over and over, such as throwing the ball into the basket, sooner or later the ball will end up in the basket. It will be even faster if there is a desire to do it. So is the formula for luck.

Desire, multiplied by perseverance, will certainly bring good luck.