I decided to quit my studies. The son dropped out of college. What should parents and students do? University studies are not the only way

In this article, we will discuss situations when it is worth continuing education, and when it is better to quit.

I have already partially answered this question in an article about limit theory, and now we will discuss it in more detail - when it is worth continuing education, and when is it better to quit. Let's immediately discard all kinds of force majeure, when force majeure circumstances make studying difficult and impossible. And I’ll also immediately make a reservation that the content of this post in no way claims to be some kind of absolute truth, and each of you is free to make this or that decision.

The thought of leaving the institute, university or prof. an educational institution often appears in the 1-2 year of study, and there can be a variety of reasons for this. But, regardless of the reason, I advise you to adhere to the main rule:

No need to rush into a decision. Quit, it will always have time;) And, moreover, here you don’t need to take an active initiative, but just - putting aside emotions calmly analyze the situation. Which one?

Situation one. Conflict in the team, conflict with the teacher, any troubles in personal life, etc. Almost always, it's just the dumbest reason to stop learning. (if trite, then the mistake of youth). Conflicts can arise anywhere, with anyone, and therefore it is much more constructive to try to resolve these very conflicts. And there is also a well-known folk wisdom: love comes and goes, but you always want to eat. And hate too. It is especially stupid to interrupt your studies in senior years - try by all means to graduate from an educational institution, and it is better without academic leave.

Situation two. Too many absenteeism, too neglected material. Most often this happens in the first semester, when yesterday's student is faced with new conditions, which I already mentioned in the article on form of education. In most cases, no one controls whether a student attends classes or not, and regardless of the reason for the absences, you still need to report.

But back to the question, what to do in this situation? First: you THAT what is taught here? It may turn out that your parents “pushed” you to the institute, or you entered it because “many from the class entered”. But even in this case, there is no need to rush. I would advise you to close the first session in any case. 2 weeks left? We calm down, discard all the throwing and systematically, 8 hours a day, we catch up. 5-7 days left? No panic. We work 12-14 hours a day and “rake” something during the session. Running late? You can (and should) hire someone for money. Are there debts? What a wonder, we clean up the "tails".

And this is not speculative advice at all, I myself found myself in a situation where in 10 days it was necessary to “rise from the ashes”. The most difficult thing was to shut up all the emotions, and take action.

So, the session is over, what's next? We don’t allow this further - during the semester, you need to maintain your affairs at least at a “half-life” level. But the question remains: do I need it all? From my point of view, the situation will more or less clear up by the middle - the end of the 2nd course; and the characteristic signs that we still need to leave, we will consider a little lower.

Situation three. It's hard to learn. Unlike the previous point, the thought of “dropping out” can appear literally in the first weeks of September. We understand.

It is really difficult to study, especially in the "technical" specialties. Take this fact for granted. In our stream to the branch applied mathematics 28 people entered, and 11 received diplomas. Those who "survived" often sat at the institute until 6-7 pm, patiently and methodically mastering programming.

What to do if a lot of difficult subjects “fell” on you, in which little is clear? First, we lean on practice: examples, tasks, laboratory, examples, laboratory tasks. Practice will help you understand the theory, and besides, the acquired skills can simply save you on the exam - if the issue is resolved between the "two" and "three". And here I would also advise to discard perfectionism, a la "it's not clear here - a whole tragedy." Even if most of the material remains unclear, we move forward, and once again we move forward. We study further.

The second point concerns the availability of materials. “A lot of incomprehensible” is not accidental. Technical subjects are not only difficult to learn, they are very difficult to teach. And from my school and university, I can remember from the strength of several teachers who really explained physics, chemistry and mathematics well. So look for sources. available information: manuals, books, Internet resources. By the way, there are not so many of them, as well as intelligibly explaining teachers.

In particular, if there are problems with mathematical analysis ("hanger" for many), then you can refer to my article Cauchy limits where I tried to explain the specifics of this section higher mathematics. In addition, within the framework of the blog there is a separate post dedicated to accessible literature on vyshmat.

And finally, an article about when it is better to leave. A good reason to leave an educational institution is such a feeling as nausea. This is when not "didn't like something", "I don't want to study" and when it's boring. From studies. This is not when “I started everything and I won’t hand over anything” and when it's boring. And it's not when learning is HARD - it's when learning is SICKING. Above, it was not by chance that I recommended unlearning for 1-2 years in order to surely understand the situation and not make a hasty, often erroneous decision.

The reasons for this can be very different: choice of specialty or the choice of a specialty that is simply not suitable for YOU. I wanted to become a programmer, but I can't sit still; I wanted to become a journalist, and publicity is worse than execution. In addition, the chosen profession may not be “too tough” at all: I sit, I sit, but I don’t understand anything in C++; I write, I write, but no one reads.

In such a situation, you should carefully analyze your interests and abilities, and if everything is bad, leave. Pay attention - do not “quit”, but consciously leave. Big difference.

After deduction, life does not end. But it is just beginning, because doing something other than “one’s own” business is not life. What to do next? The opinion may be controversial, but I will still voice it: perhaps the best option would be to get a job somewhere, to learn something. Why does it make sense not to do something again, but to work? Real practice will help you understand what you like, what you don’t like, what works and what doesn’t, where you can earn money and where are the pennies. After which already purposefully enroll in "zaochku" To obtain specialized education in the required area.

Thank you for your attention and I wish you success!

“How did you leave? Why?!" - I hear this phrase every time I try to answer the question of why I am not at the university now. “Something bad must have happened to you, because of which you had to leave, right?” Of course, after all, no one just leaves the university, right? Or not?

Realizing that, in addition to such a reaction, my departure will not cause anything else, I try not to answer this question or avoid discussions, because everyone considers it their duty to tell me that I did wrong. Over time, I realized that there is no point in being ashamed of my decision, especially if I think that I did 100% right.

Therefore, I want to tell you why the university in its present state is not what I, you and your children need.

We want to be like the rest

Think about what happens in schools to children who wear glasses or try to do well in school. At best, they will not be accepted into the company of "cool", at worst, the main goal of this company will be to make their life unbearable. But, of course, as they like to say? "They're kids, they don't understand." Well, they don't understand.

So, from childhood, we want to be like the rest. What do "everyone else" do after school? Trying to get into the university. Preferably on a budget. If this succeeds, the maximum goal is achieved. If not, then parents will have to spend thousands of dollars on your education, or choose a simpler educational institution - a technical school or a fashion college, which, in fact, is the same technical school.

The time begins, which is spoken of as the best time in a person's life, meaning by this, of course, not studying. But rather, that you will drink (a lot), communicate with the opposite sex and sometimes go to classes, trying to sit out at least half. After re-reading this paragraph, I realized that it does not sound so bad.

And for most, that's enough. They forget about how much time goes into the void, how much money is spent on studies that do not bring any benefit. For example, I did not study at the most expensive university in Ukraine, and during this time 7,000 dollars were spent on my studies alone. I think this is the biggest investment my parents have made in me. Was she justified? Alas.

University studies are not the only way

How many courses could I take with that money? Courses of real professionals who have devoted decades to their work, who love what they do and are ready to share useful knowledge. How many books could you buy? I will finish with banal questions, you already know the answer.

Studying at a university no longer guarantees professional success in the future.

One reason for this is motivation. When we do what we like, we are guided by . That is, we like the process itself. Money, encouragement or praise fade into the background. After all, you see, it is much more pleasant to do business and enjoy not only the reward, but also the process itself.

Unfortunately, the university is going in a completely different direction. Study implies boredom, monotony and lack of interest, all for the sake of an ephemeral number in a paper magazine. And if these ephemeral numbers are good, then in five years you can get an ephemeral red plastic piece of paper. This is worth living for.

This is akin to when you drink cola for a long time and forget that you can quench your thirst with water. Or when you drive a car for a long time and forget that you can walk from work to a cafe. It's the same with the university.

We forget that the learning process itself, and then the work itself, can be pleasant.

I have a friend who also dropped out of university. Four years of study at the university made it possible to understand that he wanted something else. In his case, it's design. Only six months of intensive self-study, several unsuccessful attempts to get a job, and he still works as a web designer. This is not yet the company of his dreams, but definitely one of the steps on the road to it. This example is very inspiring.

It does not mean that you should close yourself in a room and not contact other people. Seminars, conferences, people with similar interests - you have a huge number of ways to communicate with interesting people, and most importantly - learn. When you train not for a reward in the future, but simply because you enjoy it, the process itself is insanely addictive.

I was finally able to articulate what I dislike the most about university:

There is no passion in studying at the university.

Moreover, if you come there with your passion, it will surely be taken away from you. Universities in their current state kill the desire to learn. This applies even to medicine, which defenders love to cite as an example. standard education. In my city, the medical university has long earned a reputation as the most bribe educational institution. Keep this in mind when you come to an appointment with a young specialist.

Wouldn't it be more logical to choose interesting subjects yourself? But no, the financier needs to be taught philosophy, the physician - the history of economic thought, and the architect - chemistry. Broadening one's horizons - that's what it's called? I do not want to expand my horizons with useless knowledge multiplied by the subjectivity of the teacher.

By learning on your own, you can choose your own path.

Wanna learn English language? You can create a program that includes watching movies in the original with subtitles, reading English books, learning new words from articles on the Internet, and using Duolingo. This is much better than sitting with Golitsinsky's textbook every day, from which nausea attacks begin to appear over time.

With the advent of services such as, it becomes clear that something needs to be changed in the current education system. Self-education makes it possible to feel that your knowledge is useful and useful in real life. You will not always go forward, sometimes you will have to radically change something, but it is still a thousand times better.

Getting a university crust is no longer safe and far from the most interesting life path. Don't try to be like others, be special and forget that university is the only way. There are others.

And parents do not know how to help a grown child. It is clear that how many people - so many situations with studying at a university. Another typical case from the series “son left the institute” is analyzed by psychologist Ekaterina Murashova.

“Please, will you accept me?” My child is already big, and you have a children's clinic, I understand, but I really need it, please. We visited you once, many years ago, twice, but you don't remember, of course. Please...

“There must be some very serious problem,” I thought. Maybe something that is hard and embarrassing to talk about. I chose a psychologist whom I had already seen once, it is so subjectively easier. As long as it’s not drugs - I don’t know how to work with this at all, I’ll have to immediately send it home.

Meanwhile, the woman sat down in an armchair and somehow very dexterously took out a pack of disposable handkerchiefs from her purse and put it on her knees. “Either she is whiny by nature and has known about it for a long time, or I am not the first psychologist she turns to.” With that in mind, I decided to wait for her to speak.

“You know, I have such a huge problem - my son dropped out of college,” the woman said.

“Yeah,” I said. I have not yet seen a special (and even more huge) problem in this. Well, I quit and quit, it happens. Maybe he just didn't like him. Or failed in the program. Unpleasant, sure, but not the end of the world. The woman was silent.

— It's about about further career guidance? I asked. Is the guy sitting in the hallway?

No, I came alone.

— Was the institute chosen by your son?

- No, you can't say that. He just agreed. By the end of school, in general, nothing but a computer interested him.

- Well, tell me more.

Three generations of techies in the family

The whole story in her presentation (the woman's name was Maria, the son's name was Alexei) looked quite trivial. Everyone in the family up to the third knee in depth - with a higher technical education. Grandpa still teaches at the Electrotechnical Institute. Naturally, it was assumed that after school Alexei would also go to study "something like that."

Moreover, the boy became passionately interested in the computer immediately after it appeared in the house, excelled at school in computer science lessons and at one time even wrote some simple programs.

However, by the end of the school, all enthusiasm for programming disappeared, only games and aimless hanging in social networks remained in the computer, and for the energetic prompting of relatives: well, the time for “h” is already approaching, LIAPP, or Polytech, or what in general? - followed languidly: I don’t know ...

The family took the lead. in physics (mathematics was already going well), training courses at the institute - everything is energetic, under control, run-run. It cannot be said that Alexei somehow resisted what was happening. On the contrary, it seemed that he even breathed a sigh of relief: there was no need to decide anything, everything seemed to be decided by itself, that's nice, tram-pum-pum.

When he became a student, he was clearly happy and proud of his newly acquired status. He went to the institute clearly “on the rise”, willingly talked about new acquaintances, about subjects, about teachers. All this ended about six months later: it is difficult and uninteresting to study, but no one studies there, why is it all at all ...

Passed the first session with one "tail". The family acted as a united front - it doesn’t happen that everything is interesting and on a plate, you have to overcome yourself, you will get involved further, it will be better and easier. To their surprise, Alexey almost immediately stopped rebelling, finished his “tail” and seemed to reconcile. For more than a year they lived peacefully and calmly.

Only by the end of the second year did the unsightly truth become clear: the guy had not been attending classes for six months, there was no way to pay off the accumulated debts. The only way out is to pick up the documents. “I didn’t understand anything from the very beginning in some subjects,” Alexei said.

“Okay, you didn’t manage the program, you couldn’t study in this really difficult department. But why were you silent? the relatives cried out. - It could have been a long time ago to transfer somewhere simpler ...

“That’s right, I thought to myself: what’s the point in telling you? Alexei retorted strangely.

How do I say at work?

“I have two questions,” I said. What exactly is he doing now? And the second: all this time (at least half a year) he pretended to visit the institute. Where did he go?

- Now he does nothing, that is, he sits and plays the computer. Grandpa is trying to find a way to transfer to another institute...

- Alexei agrees again?

- He says that he would rather go to the army, but you understand that a normal mother ...

- Alexei is physically weak, doesn’t fit well with people?

- What do you! He is almost two meters tall, went to swing, and he always had a lot of friends and girlfriends!

What did he do instead of the institute?

“We don't really know. He said something about walking on rooftops, through sewers, and some other similar stupidity ...

- What did you come to me with last time, many years ago?

Maria carefully took out the first handkerchief:

“May I tell you what I came with now?”

- Well, of course! I was a little surprised.

“My only son is lost in this life. He is sick and I can see it. But I have almost no sympathy for him. I'm angry that he put me, all my family in such an awkward position. The only thing I think about all the time and that I have been feeling for two months now is shame and social awkwardness.

How do I tell at work that my son was kicked out of college? Soon we will have a class meeting (I am one of the organizers), where everyone will talk about their children, their successes, but what will I say? How can grandfather, with his impeccable reputation, feel uncomfortable asking for such a dunce? How did he let us all down?

I confess that I did not want to go to you, I have unpleasant memories of past visits. I went to other psychologists. One of them advised me to leave my son alone, take care of myself and let him solve his own problems. Another said that Alyosha was still immature, now it is common among young people, and we are doing everything right, and he will thank us later.

But I ... I suddenly caught all these feelings of mine and realized that I didn’t go to them for Alyosha’s help, but only for them to reassure me, myself and say that there’s nothing so socially terrible if you have my son was expelled from the institute ... And then I realized that I was a disgusting mother ...

And he wanted to be a lifeguard

“Maria, I underestimated you,” I said honestly.

- We were with you when Alyosha, at the age of fourteen, began to climb some abandoned buildings. There was an adult company there, and it was really, really dangerous. It seemed to me then that you did not understand me at all. You told Alyosha about initiations and about how in the yard of your childhood everyone walked on some plank between buildings at a height of five floors.

And I was told that a child in a family cannot be a social functional - in any case, he will try to break out of the boundaries, not now, then later. They offered me not to forbid, but somehow “join” him, take a walk along his road, give him adult feedback about what he is looking for there.

I thought it was kind of crazy at the time. What does it mean to join him? Climb with him on abandoned construction sites? Agree that walking on beams at a height of ten meters is great and right? My older friend advised me to buy him a powerful computer. I did so. Construction was completed within two months.

- And the second time? You said you visited me twice.

- The second time was Alexei himself, when we pestered him in the tenth grade with the choice of an institute. What you talked about, I don't know. Then I went in for five minutes, and you told me: a well-oriented guy, it’s very difficult to enter the Ministry of Internal Affairs school without blasphemy, the Ministry of Emergency Situations school looks more promising and more humanitarian, but in any case, you have to try, and he will need your help. We then at home with the whole family laughed for a long time ...

“He never told you at all that he wanted to be an EMERCOM-nickname?”

- He said, it seems, back in school. But we did not take it seriously: is it a profession? In addition, he did not take any practical steps in this direction ...

- Yes? And initiation into an adult group of semi-tramps at fourteen? And what about the gym? And what about diggers and roofers, when did you leave the institute? It has always been in him, and since high school he has been looking for a way to bring it all into a socially acceptable plane. Will he find it now - God knows ...

— Can I help him? - Maria crumpled the second used handkerchief in her fist, looked resolutely.

“Well, of course you can! I shrugged. Who, if not you?

- Well, for starters, stop the family campaign to push Lesha back to the institute and just tell him everything that they just told me.

Like repentance?

- Like an explanation of what happened and is happening to you. In response, you will most likely hear something honest too. From honest, even one-time communication, you can always push off.

Mary came two days later.

- He said that for now he wants to join the army, where everything is in order. It's from cowardice, not to decide? Also social functionality?

- He's your son.

"So, should I let him go?"

— Think.

- Oh sure. I can easily join this. I just wanted to shove him into at least some institute for my peace of mind.

- Great, join.

- He said that in the seventh grade he dreamed about how he, already an adult, saves people either in a fire or during an earthquake. According to him, we told him then (when he told us his dream) with aplomb: “First of all, correct the deuce in mathematics, rescuer. Your job now is to study." And to join was to give him The Catcher in the Rye, right?

“I don’t know, for some reason I don’t like this book myself.

- I like it, but I already read it as an adult.

For lovers of good endings: tall and physically well-prepared, Alexei successfully served in the Airborne Forces and, in the direction from the army, entered the school of the Ministry of Emergencies. Maria met me on the street and told me about it.

But good endings in such cases are far from always; alas, I have repeatedly seen something else ... The longer a child, teenager, young person remains "in the field" of those who decide for him, the more difficult it is for him to get out from under all this and discover, and then defend himself.

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