During the break, our October counselor Lucy ran up to me and said:
- Deniska, can you perform at the concert? We decided to organize two kids to be satirists. Want?
I say:
- I want it all! Only you explain: what are satirists.
Lucy says:
- You see, we have various problems ... Well, for example, losers or lazy people, they need to be caught. Understood? It is necessary to speak about them so that everyone laughs, this will have a sobering effect on them.
I say:
- They're not drunk, they're just lazy.
- That's what they say: "sobering", - laughed Lucy. - But in fact, these guys will just think about it, they will become embarrassed, and they will correct themselves. Understood? Well, in general, do not pull: if you want - agree, if you don't want - refuse!
I said:
- All right, come on!
Then Lucy asked:
- Do you have a partner?
- There is not.
Lucy was surprised
- How do you live without a friend?
- I have a comrade, Mishka. And there is no partner.

Lucy smiled again.
- It's almost the same. Is he musical, is your Bear?
- No, ordinary.
- Can you sing?
- Very quiet. But I'll teach him to sing louder, don't worry.
Here Lucy was delighted:
- After the lessons, drag him to the small hall, there will be a rehearsal!
And I set off with all my might to look for Mishka. He stood in the buffet and ate sausage.
- Mishka, do you want to be a satirist?
And he said:
- Wait, let me eat.
I stood and watched him eat. He is small himself, and the sausage is thicker than his neck. He held this sausage with his hands and ate it straight whole, without cutting it, and the skin cracked and burst when he bit it, and hot odorous juice splashed from there.
And I could not stand it and said to Aunt Katya:
- Give me, please, also sausage, as soon as possible!
And Aunt Katya immediately handed me a bowl. And I was in a hurry so that Mishka would not have time to eat his sausage without me: I alone would not be so tasty. And so I, too, took my sausage in my hands and, without cleaning it, also began to gnaw it, and hot odorous juice splashed out of it. And Mishka and I gnawed like that for a couple, and burned ourselves, and looked at each other, and smiled.
And then I told him that we would be satirists, and he agreed, and we barely made it to the end of the lessons, and then ran to the small hall for a rehearsal.
Our counselor Lucy was already sitting there, and with her was one boy, about the fourth, very ugly, with small ears and big eyes.
Lucy said:
- Here they are! Meet our school poet Andrey Shestakov.
We said:
- Great!
And they turned away so that he would not ask.
And the poet said to Lucy:
- What is it, performers, or what?
- Yes.
He said:
- Wasn't there anything better?
Lucy said:
- Just what you need!
But then our singing teacher Boris Sergeevich came. He went straight to the piano.
- Come on, let's start! Where are the verses?
Andryushka took a piece of paper out of his pocket and said:
- Here. I took the meter and chorus from Marshak, from the tale of a donkey, grandfather and grandson: "Where is this seen, where is it heard ..."
Boris Sergeevich nodded.
- Read aloud!
Andryushka began to read: Vasya's dad is strong in mathematics,
Dad studies for Vasya all year.
Dad decides, but Vasya gives up?! Mishka and I just jumped. Of course, the guys quite often ask their parents to solve the problem for them, and then show the teacher as if they were such heroes. And at the board, no boom-boom - deuce! The case is well known. Oh yes, Andryushka, it was great!
And Andryushka reads on, so quietly and seriously: The asphalt is lined with chalk into squares,
Manechka and Tanechka are jumping here.
Where is it seen, where is it heard, -
They play "classes" but don't go to class?! Again great. We really enjoyed! This Andryushka is just a real fellow, like Pushkin!
Boris Sergeevich said:
- Nothing, not bad! And the music will be the simplest, something like that. - And he took Andryushka's verses and, quietly strumming, sang them all in a row.
It turned out very cleverly, we even clapped our hands.
And Boris Sergeevich said:
- Nute, sir, who are our performers?
And Lucy pointed at Mishka and me:
- Here!
- Well, - said Boris Sergeevich, - Misha has a good ear ... True, Deniska does not sing very well.
I said:
- But it's loud.
And we began to repeat these verses to the music and repeated them probably fifty or a thousand times, and I yelled very loudly, and everyone calmed me down and made comments:
- Do not worry! You are quiet! Calm down! Don't be so loud!
Andryushka was especially excited. He completely blew me away. But I only sang loudly, I didn't want to sing softer, because real singing is exactly when it's loud!
...And then one day, when I came to school, I saw an announcement in the locker room: ATTENTION!
Today at a big break
there will be a performance in the small hall
flying patrol
"Pioneer Satyricon"!
Performed by a duet of kids!
One day!
Come all!

And in me at once something skipped a beat. I ran to class. Mishka sat there and looked out the window.
I said:
- Well, today we perform!
And Mishka suddenly mumbled:
I don't feel like performing...
I was right dumbfounded. How - reluctance? That's it! We've been rehearsing, haven't we? But what about Lucy and Boris Sergeevich? Andryushka? And all the guys, because they read the poster and will come running as one? I said:
- Are you out of your mind, or what? Let people down?
And Mishka is so plaintively:
- I think my stomach hurts.
I say:
- It's out of fear. It hurts me too, but I don't refuse!
But Mishka was still kind of thoughtful. At the big break, all the guys rushed to the small hall, and Mishka and I could hardly trudge behind, because I also completely lost the mood to speak. But at that moment Lyusya ran out to meet us, she firmly grabbed our hands and dragged us along, but my legs were soft, like a doll’s, and weaved. I must have been infected by Mishka.
In the hall there was a fenced-off place near the piano, and children from all classes, both nannies and teachers, crowded around.
Mishka and I stood near the piano.
Boris Sergeevich was already in place, and Lucy announced in an announcer's voice:
- We begin the performance of the "Pioneer Satyricon" on topical topics. Text by Andrey Shestakov, performed by world-famous satirists Misha and Denis! Let's ask!
And Mishka and I stepped forward a little. The bear was white as a wall. And I was nothing, only my mouth was dry and rough, as if there was emery.
Boris Sergeevich played. Mishka had to start, because he sang the first two lines, and I had to sing the second two lines. Here Boris Sergeevich began to play, and Mishka threw aside left hand, as Lucy taught him, and wanted to sing, but he was late, and while he was getting ready, it was my turn, it turned out that way according to the music. But I did not sing, since Mishka was late. Why on earth!
Mishka then put his hand back in place. And Boris Sergeevich loudly and separately began again.
He hit the keys, as he should have, three times, and on the fourth, Mishka again threw back his left hand and finally sang: Vasya's dad is strong in mathematics,
Dad studies for Vasya all year. I immediately picked it up and shouted: Where has this been seen, where has it been heard, -
Dad decides, but Vasya gives up?! Everyone in the hall laughed, and this made my soul feel better. And Boris Sergeevich went further. He again hit the keys three times, and on the fourth Mishka carefully threw his left hand to the side and for no reason sang at first: Vasya's dad is strong in mathematics,
Dad studies for Vasya all year. I knew right away that he had lost his way! But since this is the case, I decided to sing to the end, and then we'll see. He took it and finished singing: Where is it seen, where is it heard, -
Dad decides, but Vasya gives up?! Thank God, it was quiet in the hall - everyone, apparently, also understood that Mishka had lost his way, and thought: "Well, it happens, let him sing further."
And the music at this time ran further and further. But Mishka was somehow greenish.
And when the music reached the place, he again extended his left hand and, like a record that was "jammed", started it up for the third time: Vasya's dad is strong in mathematics,
Dad has been studying for Vasya all year ... I really wanted to hit him on the back of the head with something heavy, and I yelled with terrible anger: Where has this been seen, where has it been heard, -
Dad decides, but Vasya gives up?! Mishka, you seem to be completely crazy! Are you tightening the same thing for the third time? Let's talk about girls!
And Mishka is so cheeky:
- I know without you! - And politely says to Boris Sergeyevich: - Please, Boris Sergeyevich, go on!
Boris Sergeevich began to play, and Mishka suddenly grew bolder, again put out his left hand and on the fourth beat began to cry as if nothing had happened: Vasya's dad is strong in mathematics,
Papa has been studying for Vasya all year ... Then everyone in the hall screamed with laughter, and I saw in the crowd what an unhappy face Andryushka had, and I also saw that Lucy, all red and disheveled, was making her way towards us through the crowd. And Mishka stands with his mouth open, as if he is surprised at himself. Well, while I, while the court and the case, shout out: Where has this been seen, where has it been heard, -
Dad decides, but Vasya gives up?! This is where something terrible started. Everyone was laughing as if stabbed to death, and Mishka turned purple from green. Our Lucy grabbed his hand and dragged him to her. She screamed:
- Deniska, sing alone! Don't let me down!.. Music! AND!..
And I stood at the piano and decided not to let you down. I felt that I didn’t care, and when the music came on, for some reason I suddenly also threw my left hand out to the side and yelled out of the blue: Vasya’s dad is strong in mathematics,
Dad studies for Vasya all year ... I don’t even remember what happened next. It looked like an earthquake. And I thought that right now I would fall completely underground, and around everyone just fell from laughter - both nannies and teachers, everything, everything ...
I'm even surprised that I didn't die from this damn song.
I probably would have died if the bell hadn't rung at that time...
I won't be a satirist anymore!

Interesting stories by Viktor Golyavkin for younger students. Stories to read in primary school. extracurricular reading in grades 1-4.

Viktor Golyavkin. NOTEBOOKS IN THE RAIN

At recess, Marik says to me:

Let's get out of class. Look how good it is outside!

- What if Aunt Dasha delays with briefcases?

- You need to throw your briefcases out the window.

We looked out the window: near the wall it was dry, and a little further away there was a huge puddle. Don't throw your portfolios into the puddle! We removed the straps from our trousers, tied them together, and carefully lowered our briefcases over them. At this time, the bell rang. The teacher entered. I had to sit down. The lesson has begun. Rain poured outside the window. Marik writes me a note:

Our notebooks are gone

I answer him:

Our notebooks are gone

He writes to me:

What we are going to do?

I answer him:

What we are going to do?

Suddenly they call me to the blackboard.

“I can’t,” I say, “I can go to the blackboard.

"How," I think, "to go without a belt?"

“Go, go, I will help you,” the teacher says.

- You don't need to help me.

“Did you get sick by any chance?”

“I got sick,” I say.

- How about homework?

- Good with homework.

The teacher comes up to me.

- Well, show me your notebook.

- What's going on with you?

You'll have to put in a two.

He opens the magazine and gives me a F, and I think about my notebook, which is now getting wet in the rain.

The teacher gave me a deuce and calmly says this:

"You're kind of weird today...

Viktor Golyavkin. THINGS ARE NOT GOING MY WAY

One day I come home from school. On this day, I just got a deuce. I walk around the room and sing. I sing and sing so that no one would think that I got a deuce. And then they will ask again: “Why are you gloomy, why are you thoughtful? »

Father says:

What is he singing like that?

And mom says:

- He must be in a cheerful mood, so he sings.

Father says:

- Probably got an A, that's fun for a man. It's always fun when you do something good.

When I heard this, I sang even louder.

Then the father says:

- Well, Vovka, please your father, show the diary.

At this point, I immediately stopped singing.

- Why? I ask.

“I see,” says the father, “you really want to show the diary.

He takes my diary, sees a deuce there and says:

- Surprisingly, he got a deuce and sings! What, is he crazy? Come on, Vova, come here! Do you happen to have a temperature?

“I don’t have,” I say, “no temperature.”

Father spread his hands and says:

“Then you should be punished for this singing…”

That's how bad luck I am!

Viktor Golyavkin. WHAT'S INTERESTING

When Goga started going to first grade, he knew only two letters: O - a circle and T - a hammer. And that's it. I didn't know any other letters. And he couldn't read.

Grandmother tried to teach him, but he immediately came up with a trick:

“Now, now, granny, I’ll wash the dishes for you.”

And he immediately ran to the kitchen to wash the dishes. And the old grandmother forgot about her studies and even bought him gifts for helping with the household. And Gogin's parents were on a long business trip and hoped for a grandmother. And of course, they did not know that their son had not yet learned to read. But Goga often washed the floor and dishes, went for bread, and his grandmother praised him in every possible way in letters to his parents. And read aloud to him. And Goga, sitting comfortably on the sofa, listened with his eyes closed. “Why should I learn to read,” he reasoned, “if my grandmother reads aloud to me.” He didn't even try.

And in class, he dodged as best he could.

The teacher tells him:

- Read it right here.

He pretended to read, and he himself told from memory what his grandmother read to him. The teacher stopped him. To the laughter of the class, he said:

- If you want, I'd better close the window so that it doesn't blow.

“I’m so dizzy that I’m probably going to fall now ...

He pretended so skillfully that one day his teacher sent him to the doctor. The doctor asked:

- How is your health?

"Bad," said Goga.

- What hurts?

Well, then go to class.

- Why?

Because you don't have any pain.

— How do you know?

- How do you know that? the doctor laughed. And he lightly pushed Goga to the exit. Goga never pretended to be sick again, but he continued to evade.

And the efforts of classmates did not lead to anything. First, Masha, an excellent student, was attached to him.

"Let's study seriously," Masha told him.

- When? Goga asked.

- Yeah right now.

"I'll be right back," said Goga.

And he left and didn't come back.

Then Grisha, an excellent student, was attached to him. They stayed in the classroom. But as soon as Grisha opened the primer, Goga reached under the desk.

- Where are you going? Grisha asked.

“Come here,” Goga called.

“No one will interfere with us here.

- Yah you! - Grisha, of course, was offended and immediately left.

No one else was attached to him.

As time went. He dodged.

Gogin's parents arrived and found that their son could not read a single line. The father grabbed his head, and the mother grabbed the book that she brought to her child.

“Now every evening,” she said, “I will read this wonderful book aloud to my son.

Grandma said:

“Yes, yes, I also read interesting books aloud to Gogochka every evening.

But the father said:

“You really shouldn’t have done it. Our Gogochka has grown lazy to such an extent that he cannot read a single line. I ask everyone to leave for the meeting.

And dad, along with grandma and mom, left for a meeting. And Goga was at first worried about the meeting, and then calmed down when his mother began to read to him from a new book. And even dangled his legs with pleasure and almost spat on the carpet.

But he didn't know what the meeting was! What did they decide!

So Mom read him a page and a half after the meeting. And he, dangling his legs, naively imagined that this would continue to continue. But when mom stopped at the most interesting place, he became worried again.

And when she handed him the book, he became even more excited.

He immediately suggested:

- Come on, Mom, I'll wash the dishes.

And he ran to wash the dishes.

He ran to his father.

The father strictly told him never to make such requests to him again.

He slipped the book to his grandmother, but she yawned and dropped it from her hands. He picked up the book from the floor and gave it back to his grandmother. But she again dropped it from her hands. No, she had never fallen asleep so quickly in her chair before! “Is it really,” thought Goga, “is she sleeping, or was she instructed at the meeting to pretend? Goga pulled her, shook her, but grandmother did not even think of waking up.

In desperation, he sat down on the floor and looked at the pictures. But from the pictures it was difficult to understand what was going on there.

He brought the book to class. But classmates refused to read to him. Even more than that: Masha immediately left, and Grisha defiantly crawled under the desk.

Goga stuck to a high school student, but he flicked his nose and laughed.

That's what a home meeting means!

That's what the public means!

He soon read the whole book and many other books, but out of habit he never forgot to go out for bread, wash the floor or wash the dishes.

That's what's interesting!

Viktor Golyavkin. IN THE CLOSET

Before class, I climbed into the closet. I wanted to meow from the closet. They'll think it's a cat, but it's me.

I sat in the closet, waited for the start of the lesson and did not notice myself how I fell asleep.

I wake up - the class is quiet. I look through the crack - no one is there. He pushed the door, and it was closed. So I slept through the whole lesson. Everyone went home, and they locked me in the closet.

Stuffy in the closet and dark as night. I was scared, I started screaming:

— Eee! I'm in the closet! Help!

Listened - silence all around.

- O! Comrades! I'm in the closet!

I hear someone's steps. Someone is coming.

- Who's yelling here?

I immediately recognized Aunt Nyusha, the cleaner.

I rejoiced, I shout:

- Aunt Nyusha, I'm here!

- Where are you, dear?

- I'm in the closet! In the closet!

“How did you get there, honey?”

- I'm in the closet, grandma!

“I can hear that you are in the closet. So what do you want?

- They locked me in a closet. Oh, grandma!

Aunt Nyusha left. Silence again. She must have gone for the key.

Pal Palych tapped on the cabinet with his finger.

“There is no one there,” said Pal Palych.

- How not. Yes, said Aunt Nyusha.

- Well, where is he? - said Pal Palych and knocked again on the cabinet.

I was afraid that everyone would leave, I would stay in the closet, and I shouted with all my might:

- I'm here!

- Who are you? Pal Palych asked.

— I... Tsypkin...

"Why did you get in there, Tsypkin?"

- They locked me up... I didn't get in...

— Hm... He was locked up! But he didn't get in! Did you see? What wizards in our school! They do not climb into the closet while they are locked in the closet. Miracles don't happen, do you hear, Tsypkin?

- I hear...

- How long have you been sitting there? Pal Palych asked.

- I do not know...

“Find the key,” said Pal Palych. - Fast.

Aunt Nyusha went for the key, but Pal Palych remained. He sat down on a chair nearby and waited. I saw through

slit his face. He was very angry. He lit up and said:

- Well! That's where the prank comes in. Tell me honestly: why are you in the closet?

I really wanted to disappear from the closet. They open the closet, but I'm not there. As if I had never been there. They will ask me: “Were you in the closet?” I'll say, "I didn't." They will say to me: “Who was there?” I'll say, "I don't know."

But that only happens in fairy tales! Surely tomorrow mom will be called ... Your son, they say, climbed into the closet, slept there all the lessons, and all that ... as if it’s comfortable for me to sleep here! My legs hurt, my back hurts. One pain! What was my answer?

I was silent.

Are you alive there? Pal Palych asked.

- Alive...

- Well, sit down, they will open soon ...

- I am sitting...

"Yes..." said Pal Palych. “So you tell me why you climbed into this closet?”

- Who? Tsypkin? In the closet? Why?

I wanted to disappear again.

The director asked:

Tsypkin, is that you?

I sighed heavily. I just couldn't answer anymore.

Aunt Nyusha said:

The class president took the key.

"Break down the door," the director said.

I felt the door being broken, the closet shook, I hit my forehead painfully. I was afraid that the cabinet would fall, and I cried. I rested my hands on the walls of the closet, and when the door gave way and opened, I continued to stand in the same way.

“Come on out,” the director said. And tell us what that means.

I didn't move. I was scared.

Why is he standing? the director asked.

They took me out of the closet.

I was silent all the time.

I didn't know what to say.

I just wanted to meow. But how would I put it...

For every person, school is the most unforgettable life stage, in which, after many years, you want to plunge headlong again in order to feel the taste of childhood again, experience the period of growing up and becoming a person, see your favorite teachers, remember funny stories about school that happened to classmates and you.

Here are a few cases from school life that will help you plunge into such a familiar and close atmosphere for everyone.

The Tale of the Three Little Pigs

A funny story from school life begins with the fact that at a reading lesson a teacher read a fairy tale about three little pigs to first-graders. Finally, she came to a passage about looking for materials to build houses, namely, when one pig saw a peasant riding a cart of hay and asked: “Excuse me, sir! Could you lend me some hay to build my house?” After a pause, the teacher asked the children a question: “What do you think the peasant answered the pig?”

One of the boys said without hesitation: “The peasant replied that you can just be stunned: a talking pig!” After these words, the teacher could not continue the lesson ...

Where is my bomb?

And this funny story from school life was told by one teacher, whose school was once visited by an FSB officer in order to find out if the educational institution repel a possible terrorist attack. The visit, of course, was unplanned. In the hands of the guest there was a yellow opaque package with a dummy bomb, with which he walked around the floors, then returned to the guard and asked him to look after the package. Himself, having made sure that there was no smell of vigilance in this school, he went to the director to arrange a dressing.

When he returned, he discovered that the package with the “bomb” had been stolen, apparently for more necessary purposes. Therefore, the "lecturer" instead of reading notations to the director was forced to reorient himself into a school detective.

A funny story from school life about Leshenka

Once, a boy Leshenka was brought to one of the many schools of child prodigies, to whom an aunt-psychologist asked the question at an introductory interview: "What is the difference between a bus and a trolleybus?" The boy, without thinking twice, said that the trolleybus runs on an electric motor (power, while the bus runs on an internal combustion engine.

The answer was wrong. In fact, everything is much simpler: a trolleybus with horns, and a bus without. Therefore, there is no need to fool the smart aunt's head.

According to the magazine

Also a pretty funny story from school life. A new teacher came to the 9th grade. The guys decided to play a joke on her, check her reaction and nerves at the same time and put a condom on the table. The teacher was not at a loss, picked up this item and, showing it to the class, asked what it was and where it was used. In response - friendly laughter. Then the teacher says: “Well, let one of the boys, the most courageous, come to the blackboard, and I will show where and how to put it on, and at the same time I will tell you what it is for. If there is no volunteer, then you will have to call on the magazine ". There was a suspicious silence in the classroom.

Funny story from school life about a pancake

The habit of using the word "pancake" is in both adults and children. And they insert it at every opportunity. A teacher at one school, in order to eradicate this habit, suggested that the children replace the word "pancake" with "bun with raisins."

There are students in every class who can't sit through a boring lesson and take the initiative to finish it as soon as possible. Here in one such class there was a student whom everyone loved, and he never felt fear of anyone. At the lessons, everyone was just waiting for what kind of joke he would give out. If the lesson dragged on, the student, under some pretext, left the class and gave a call for a break (of course, ahead of time). I could write a note “a sock is hanging on the ceiling” and let it go around the class. Everyone read and naively looked at the ceiling, although it is clear that there was no sock there.

Bye-bye!

When you try to remember funny stories about school, such an incident pops up in your memory. At one of the lessons, a certain child could not stand the toilet and peed himself. The teacher found the most predictable way out of the situation: she called her mother, who brought the pants. The child was changed into dry clothes. After that, the teacher began to respond more attentively to the requests of the children. And somehow she stands with a colleague on one of the floors near the toilet, and she asks her to stand so that the children do not run in. The teacher is standing in the corridor, guarding the door and sees a girl running out of the classroom and shouting: “Bye-ah-ah-ah!”

The poor teacher recalls a previous incident; the toilet is unfortunately busy. But then this girl runs up to another girl of her age, pats her on the shoulder and says: “Bye, Katya! I won’t wait for you, my lessons are over.”

Murr Meow

And here is another funny story from school life that happened at a physical education lesson. In the tenth grade, it was required to pass the standards for running. Since no one really wanted to jump, the guys decided to buy valerian and arrange a real paradise for local cats on the sand area intended for such an interesting action. No sooner said than done! On the day of the expected delivery of standards, the purchased valerian is successfully poured onto the site. the teacher, who saw several dozen inappropriately behaved cats around the perimeter of the site, defied description.

Attempts to free the yard from meowing living creatures were unsuccessful. But the goal for which everything was done turned out to be achieved, and the physical education lesson turned out to be very fun.

Hooray! Quarantine!

Quarantine, like holidays, is a happy period for any normal student. This is a holiday! At least a week. So. In the winter, as it should be, the influenza epidemic began, and schools, in which more than 10 people were sick, were closed one after another. However, no one was sick in one class, so the guys decided to arrange an artificial quarantine: they brought a fragrant one from home, they decided to sniff, and as soon as everyone starts sneezing, the teachers will think that the quarantine has reached here too, and will let everyone go home. Unfortunately, this ingenious experiment failed. The teachers, having smelled the smell of pepper, were asked to voluntarily hand over the “chemical weapon”. Passed 4 boys (hooligans-losers) and one girl (an excellent student and a favorite of teachers). It flew into everyone, both from parents and from teachers, I can’t do it at all.

In the same class, the battle with books was not uncommon. Once a flying book hit the head of a teacher who came to teach a lesson. After such a presentation, she said that this class should be entered in a bulletproof vest and a helmet. It happened not like that. Before the control, they locked themselves in the classroom, and the teacher could not get there until the middle of the lesson.

At least take a peek...

Funny stories from the life of schoolchildren are diverse and sometimes even repeated. Remembering these beautiful bright moments, you feel a keen desire to return to childhood even for a minute. After all, adult life is often monotonous, it does not have that school recklessness and mischief. Beloved teachers are already teaching other generations, who intrigue them in the same way, smear the board with paraffin and put buttons on the chair. Therefore, funny stories from school should be remembered as often as possible, because at such moments mischievous sparks light up in the eyes, and a kind and mischievous smile appears on the face.

School is a time that we all remember with a smile. It is impossible to erase from memory these cheerful years spent surrounded by classmates.

Today we have collected 13 naughty stories that will definitely make you want to go back to school.

1. History from school. There was a change. Winter. Snow heavy and windy. One guy right at the door lit a cigarette. I understand that on the way out of the room it was easier to do. And then my friend's mother, seeing this, came up and gave him a slap on the back of the head. The blow was not strong. But I do remember that the cigarette flew out of my teeth. It was our history teacher. New. Young.

3. In elementary school, I said that I like a girl, and my mother gave me a chocolate bar for her. But I gave the chocolate bar to the homeless, and for this he accompanied me to school, and I boasted to everyone that I was living with the homeless. I don’t know what I thought then, but everyone envied me.

4. It turns out than older child the easier it is to bring it to school. The son in the 9th grade said that he did not need to buy anything, he had everything for school: half a pencil from that year and a couple of notebooks, and he said he would find a pen on the floor in the classroom.

5. My sister is now in the 1st grade. On the second day of training, she got up from her desk in the middle of the 3rd lesson and began to get ready to leave. Classroom teacher, seeing everything that was happening, made a remark to her:
Angela, where are you going?
- Oh, Elena Vladimirovna, something I'm tired here with you, I'll go home. Sit down and that's enough!
It was only later that the child was explained, and she fully realized that she still had 11 more “happy” years of study ahead of her.

6. I remember how after the end of the first quarter in the 1st grade, going on vacation, I asked my mother:
- Mom, how much longer do I have to go to school?
Mom replied nonchalantly:
- 11 years old, kitten, a little more than you live.
I sat on the floor and burst into tears: childhood was over.

7. In school years I often skipped classes. Only dad knew about this, who assured that his mouth was shut. As usual, my mother, despite all the vows of her father, soon found out about the violation anyway.
After a couple of such “coincidences”, I decided to check the honesty of my dad. I went to school, and when he called me during the break, I said that I had stayed at home. In the evening, when the whole family was assembled, my mother asked why I was absent from the lessons. To which I made a surprised face and showed a diary with grades. That's how I figured out my mom's spy.
P.S.: I still got it, because it’s not good to deceive adults.

8. Once a friend said that everyone in their class was born in the year of the Monkey and that this was an incredible coincidence. I don't know how she even graduated from high school.

9. In the 10th-11th grades, discos for students were held at my school, during which I successfully sat on the bench (I can’t dance) with the same incompetence. I had a classmate who was always quiet and calm at such events. But one day he began to dance as in last time and the moves were good. He easily fit in and gathered people around him. I wondered where such a transformation came from and where he learned so. Everything turned out to be very simple: he began to come to discos drunk.

10. My girlfriend's parents promised to give her a new iPad for moving from 6th grade to 7th grade. I was promised to be punched in the neck if I didn't get an excellent student.

11. Today happened to my girlfriend. She has been having a virtual romance with a handsome young man for a couple of months now. Everything was fine with them, and today he asked her that from that day on she would correspond with him only in the afternoon: until 13:30 he would always be “terribly busy”. A friend (who, by the way, is 28 years old) jokingly asked if he would be sitting in class now at that time. Ta-dam! A cute young man, it turns out, a tenth grader! And the friend was already mentally choosing a wedding dress, writes Bright Side.

12. At school, I was teased as a "turtle" (from the name of Cherepanov). I really didn't like it. And at some point, I started to beat those who teased so much. After that, they began to call me "ninja turtle".

13. Of all the members of my family, I dislike September 1 the most. Summer is over and the time when you can sleep enough, do not rush anywhere, hang out in the country with friends, go to bed after midnight. But no, you have to get up early again and drag yourself to this stupid school, and then do your homework, drag yourself to all sorts of circles, swimming pools. Why again?!
Lena, 35 years old, mother of a second grader.

A short play about school and for schoolchildren. Allows everyone to take on the stage, you can enter additional roles and crowd scenes. A simple plot will interest both younger students and older children.

Characters:
- Tsar Diary;
- Minister of education;
- guard;
- reader;
- 1st Col;
- 2nd Col;
- Deuce;
- 1st Troyak;
- 2nd Troyak;
- Four;
- 1st Five;
- 2nd Five.

In the center of the scene is a throne for the king, near which stands a guard; There is a map hanging on the wall.

Reader.
In some school state
The king's diary sat on the kingdom.
And early one morning
Visit other countries
The king thought. And decree
He scribbled the same hour.
(Unrolls the scroll, reads the decree.)
"To complete the visit
I need a suit like this
To the far side
I wouldn't be embarrassed.
To have visitors
Not fools, not buzzers,
Not lazy, not flatterers,
And as it should - well done!
I order everyone to come to me,
So that everyone can stand out
Show your mind and stuff.
Everyone to appear before the royal eyes!

The dude leaves. The king enters and sits on the throne. He is followed by the Minister of Education.

Minister (to the king).
I am the Minister of Education
I announce with glee:
At your apartment
The first two contenders
Tsar.
The first two? Well, great!
I will talk to them personally.
Minister.
Come in, gentlemen!

Two Colas enter.

1st Col.
We came here
To bow at your feet
And ask the embassy.

They bow to the king.

Tsar.
How to call you, eagles?
2nd Col.
We are according to Father Kola.
We are Cola Colova.
1st Col.
We are both healthy
Both are not hunchbacks
Famous and rich.
2nd Col.
And we want, so to speak,
Our kingdom to represent
Together with the father-king
Behind an unknown hillock.
Tsar.
Well, are you friendly with diploma?
1st Col.
We don't need science.
Out of status Kolam
Bend the spine in half
Learn counting, primer.
2nd Col.
Why do we need this, king?
Tsar.
What?! Yes, shame on you
To the uncouth Kolam,
Come to me in the light
And ask to go abroad?
Wow let's go! What a disgrace!
Guard, lead Kolov into the yard,
Give me a kick without delay
To give them acceleration!

The guard takes the Koles by the collar and leads them out.

Minister.
King, some girl
It also asks for the light,
For you to appreciate
And he invited me to the embassy.
Tsar.
Let's see what the girl is.
Maybe it will fit in a retinue.
I will pass the exam -
If I don't find flaws,
It will go abroad.
Invite the girl here.

The Minister leaves and returns with Deuce.

Deuce.
I bow low to the king
And at the same time I say
What is ready, so to speak,
Our kingdom to represent
Overseas -
This mission is for me.
Tsar.
Well, what's your name?
Deuce.
Everyone calls the deuce, loving.
As I walk down the street
Everyone loves me.
All handkerchiefs get
And sheds tears of happiness.
Tsar.
Is it friendly with grammar,
Reading, math?
Deuce.
Why is a beautiful girl
Mathematics to study?
After all, servants are next to me -
Count if needed.
I don't even know the letters.
I am a pillar noblewoman,
And not letters of a slave!
Tsar.
It's just a shame!
You, dove, are a know-it-all
And a lazy bum.
Not being able to read is a shame!
All! End of conversation!
You're not good for anything.
You don't need a suit either!
I tell you girl
Get out of the quarters.
oskakkah.ru - website

The king turns away. The duo shrugged and walked away.

Minister.
King, to your apartments
Two applicants are torn.
It seems to be not loafers,
Lasy is sharpened in Spanish:
"Oh, boyfriend, monsieur, bonjour,
Guten morgen, lampshade!”
Tsar.
Invite them to a party
Let's see what's what here.

The minister goes out and comes back with two Trojaks.

1st Troyak.
Guten morgen, hande hoh!
Every friend of us is good!

2nd Troyak.
We want nah cordon,
Nah Paris and nah London.
Tsar.
Well, what is your name, friends, what?
1st Troyak.
I am Troyak and he is Troyak!
We are in terms of languages ​​-
Guten morgen, be healthy!
2nd Troyak.
In general, a complete fantasy!

The king rises from his throne, approaches the map.

Tsar.
Where is London and Paris?

The Trojans randomly poke their fingers at the map.

1st Troyak.
London is here, Paris is over there.
2nd Troyak.
Close to Panama City.
In geography - we are gut!
Tsar.
Yes, you are not gut, but kaput!
I'll ask them both out!
Goodbye, sorry!
(To the guard)
Take them to the gate
Show me where the turn is.
(to the Minister)
You are the minister of education!
What kind of gift is this?!
Some kind of oak
Uneducated, rude!
Answer me, eshkin cat,
Where are our literate people?
Is it in the great kingdom
Our school state
Is there anyone smarter?
Minister.
King, let me answer.
There are smart girls
Three good sisters
I sent messengers to them.
Tsar.
Where are they, after all?

Enter three girls with briefcases, bow to the king.

All.
Hello, our wise king,
Our learned sovereign!
Tsar.
Come on, come on, what kind of birds
What smart girls?
How beautiful and neat
The eyes of the king are pleasing!
I could take everyone to the embassy.
What's your name beauties?
1st Five.
I am Five.
2nd Five.
I am Five.
Four.
And I'm the youngest Four.
Tsar.
Are you friendly with the sciences?
1st Five.
All things are important to us!
2nd Five.
There are no secondary sciences!
Four.
It is essential to know them.
Tsar.
What about subject notebooks?
I hope they are all right?

The girls take notebooks out of their briefcases and give them to the king.

1st.
See for yourself, my lord.
Four.
And take mine, king.

The king looks at the notebooks with a satisfied air.

Tsar.
No mistakes, no flaw
I take you all in retinue!
Tomorrow to distant shores
The brig will rush us over the waves.
The first one is Germany.
(Into the hall) Thank you for your attention!

General bow, curtain.

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