Life modern man closely related to interpersonal communication. Men and women cross daily at work, in a store or a sports club. But what to do when you are closed and do not know which side to approach, wanting to start a conversation? Only outcasts can live in an empty apartment without maintaining contact with anyone, so it is important to be able to find mutual language with other people.

Ways to achieve effective communication

Eye contact
It is easy to win the trust of the interlocutor if you look him in the eyes during the conversation. Do not look away to the left and up, this sign indicates disinterest. If you look down and look to the right, the friend may think of a possible catch.

The ideal option is to look at the brow area of ​​the person you are in contact with. This technique is used by sales managers, wanting to "suck in" the goods. If at the same time the interlocutor looks at you, it will seem to him that you are looking into the eyes. It turns out a kind of optical illusion, use it.

Confidence is an undeniable trump card
Confident people can be seen from afar, they are characterized by a proud posture, a direct look and a high head. You want to communicate with such a person, he does not use a long prelude before starting a conversation, but immediately goes to the point. Be a confident interlocutor, so you will have an undeniable trump card up your sleeve!

Show your reliability and determination, attract others with these qualities. Such personalities leave an indelible impression in the soul of newly-made friends and do not suffer from a lack of attention.

"What's in a name…"
At the first meeting with a person, ask what his name is. It is important to remember that there is no sweeter song to the ears than the sound of one's own name. Address the listener in this way. If third parties have joined the conversation and you decide to tell a story that includes the name of an acquaintance, do not use the pronouns “he” or “she”.

Try to associate the companion's name with positive emotions. Share funny life stories, smile sincerely, tell jokes. Solar personalities illuminate all who are in contact with them. Radiate positivity and energy!

genuine interest
Agree, it’s not interesting to listen for hours on end as a guy or a girl talks about their life without showing interest in your direction. Such individuals are rightfully considered egoists, do not consider yourself one of them. Show interest, be interested in life and do not burden others with your own troubles. Have a dialogue, not a monologue.

Let the person join the conversation, and then the conversation will take its course. Eastern wisdom says: "Say once, the other two - listen!". Stick to the great gurus of philosophy so that you don't get stuck in a traffic jam for a long silence, which is formed when two selfish persons meet.

Who doesn't risk...
... loses positive emotions. Advice goes hand in hand with confidence. People experience fear, wanting to ask again or ask a question of interest. They mistakenly believe that they will be rejected or humiliated, but this is far from the case. A situation of this kind occurs due to the alleged failure of the listener, who considers himself unworthy of the interlocutor.

Do not be afraid of rejection, analyze what has been said, ask relevant questions, express an opinion and give advice! Do not let emotions take over self-esteem, maintain dignity in any circle of people, regardless of the situation.

"Mirror" effect
Gesticulation emphasizes the spoken words, facial expressions characterize them. The two points are inextricably linked. Do not try to remove your hands when talking, such a sign will look unnatural. Excessive waving is also undesirable, the interlocutor may mistake the action for nervousness.

Be calm, do not fold your arms over your chest, this technique means closeness. Stand straight, bend your hands with boats and join your hands. Also, you do not need to clench your fists, keep your palms open, only in such ways you can win over those around you to your own person.

The greatest minds in the United States have proven the effectiveness of communication using the "mirror" method. The method consists in repeating the movements of the interlocutor and copying the intonation of his voice. However, do not do this like a parrot, the movements should be soft, inconspicuous and as similar as possible. Psychologists say that the "mirror" brings people together and helps them open up.

Knowledge is power
Read books, watch interesting programs and topical films. Stay up to date, nice to communicate with comprehensively developed person who knows how to keep the conversation going. Such personalities win universal recognition and are erected on a pedestal of respect.

Try to join the company in the first hour of communication, create topics for discussion, draw others into the conversation. Do not hide your knowledge, but do not be too clever, so as not to alienate others.

Relevance of the questions asked
Avoid pauses in communication that will embarrass both sides of the conversation. When contact is just being established and people are not yet accustomed to each other's company, it is important to create the right atmosphere for further manipulations. The interlocutor said that he was going to the country at the weekend? Great, ask him how far it is and if fishing is welcome there. Do not answer memorized “I see”, this statement will mislead anyone.

Avoid questions that can only be answered in one word. Ask in such a way that the other side is forced to answer in detail. There is no need to throw a person with a number of questions, be interested measuredly and “in the subject”. If we are talking about construction, the automotive section will be out of place.

Correct wording of ideas
Did you suddenly have an idea? Do not rush to share it, think carefully about what you are going to say. Express yourself in understandable phrases, do not jump from one place to another, adapt people to your thought. The people around are not psychics, they do not always understand what is at stake, although they nod their heads in response. As mentioned above, "coaxing" comes from being afraid to ask or not wanting to listen.

Keep the story interesting, not monotonous, so that you want to know the continuation. It is important to realize that everyone has their own idea of ​​what is told. You imagined white sand and a blue ocean, and the interlocutor saw only shells and algae on the shore. Formulate own thoughts, capturing and nurturing the interest of the public.

Openness is not a vice
Be honest and open, do not create misunderstandings due to inconsistencies. Share your personal life, but within reason. Choose “not closed” information for the narrative. When a man or woman cheats, the truth soon comes out and spoils friendly relations.

Now it is important to create that inextricable connection between opponents, because of which you will meet again for a cup of coffee. Open people they quickly find friends, but they are also often betrayed. Look at the situation, if the interlocutor does not inspire confidence - do not share the secret.

Openness is associated with decency and honesty - two qualities of a business person. As a rule, girls are more relaxed, and with a bottle of good wine, their tongue is completely unleashed. Guys in this regard are more difficult, they do not share experiences with the first person they meet.

Personality is determined not only by opinion, strength of character and the desire for more, but also complexes, fear and shyness. What to do when the break in communication was so long that a barrier formed? Let's talk about everything in order.

Lack of common themes
Don't know what to talk about? There are a number of common topics that will pave the way for further conversation. Discuss the latest in the film industry, popular sports, world news, and finally the weather and nature. When communicating on the above topics, you do not need to have astronomical knowledge.

Intrigue and gossip
Are you relaxing in the company, and a girl pesters you with conversations, about whom those other rumors are circulating? Do not succumb to provocations, "hammer" the gossips and envious people. Cultivate a useful quality - to judge a person based on your own convictions, and not on long tongues chatting behind your back.

adrenaline rush
The interlocutor is talking utter nonsense? Do you start arguing and proving that you are right? Stop. You need to be able to cope with the storm that destroys further communication. Get out in the fresh air, catch your breath.

It does not matter what the true motives of behavior are - discord with her husband or the departure of a girlfriend. Don't take your anger out on others by embarrassing yourself. You will say nasty things to your interlocutor, for which you will later suffer remorse.

It is difficult for closed personalities to step over themselves and say a couple of phrases to maintain a conversation. However, communication skills are just as important as the ability to write and read. Experts have developed a number of recommendations with which you will get off the ground.

imaginary conversation
As ridiculous as it sounds, talk to the furniture. Tell the closet how you spent the day and what you ate for lunch. Sociologists talk about the effectiveness of the procedure, because it is much more difficult to communicate with inanimate objects than with people. Try to build sentences coherently and interestingly. If the idea seems absurd, get a pet and interact with it.

Sweet praise
Pay attention to the personal qualities of the interlocutors, praise their skills. Did you like your colleague's blouse? Feel free to tell. Did you make excellent coffee in the cafe? Do not skimp on a sincere compliment. Words must come from the heart so that people believe you.

Chatting with random people
Set a goal to talk to strangers every day. Are you going to the grocery store? Chat with the saleswoman about the freshness of the product. Can't find the right street? Ask your grandmother for directions at the bus stop. Greet the concierge and smile. The method is effective, despite its simplicity. He will eradicate the fear of starting a conversation first.

Interaction with others is an integral part of everyday life. Real communication skills come with practice. Delve into your opponent's stories, ask questions, and be sincere. Use exercises to improve communication skills, overcome all sorts of barriers and fight emotions. Address the interlocutor by name, join the team and become the soul of the company!

Video: how to learn to communicate with people

Question to the psychologist:

For a long time I find myself thinking that I do not know how to communicate with people. I have absolutely no idea what to talk about. It is easier for me to be in the company of people, because it is not so noticeable that I am almost always silent. When I'm alone with any of my girlfriends, I feel anxiety, I don't feel comfortable, she starts talking, she always has something to tell, the flow of words from her pours and pours. And this happens every time I stay with a person. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances and I have this situation with all of them. I start to panic and only one thought in my head - what should I say, what to tell. Sometimes I even start talking, stuttering. During my life I have developed communication tactics, if I can’t answer anything, I start asking questions to a person, smile, laugh, even if I’m not funny and not at all interested in what this person is talking about. I don't want people to think that I'm not talkative, withdrawn. Yes and vocabulary I have a small one. I always wonder where my friends get these new words from. I am constantly listening to something new. I started reading books, but still everything stays the same. Friends say I have a small vocabulary. Yes, it is, I have a certain banal vocabulary that I use. This annoys and infuriates me very much, because at the age of 20 a person should be able to talk, be able to conduct a dialogue. Advise what to do? I can also add that when my friends call me, I just might not pick up the phone, because I know that I have nothing to say, and I'm tired of listening to them all the time. I constantly tried to listen to everyone, but now some kind of boiling point has come, I also want to SPEAK, not listen. When I wanted to tell something, my friends said "I'm not interested or don't care." In many ways, these words have influenced me. Now I'm afraid to say something, because I think that people are not interested. Somehow it turns out that I start talking quickly, probably because I want no one to interrupt me and listen to me to the end. And when there is a moment of silence between me and my friends, I generally have an explosion of the brain. And a stream of thoughts that I am not interesting, that I am constantly silent, and if I say something, then nobody is interested. Oh yes, I don’t have a boyfriend and I don’t have any personal life, and in general I notice behind myself that I’m not interested in what others are talking about, for example, my friends, I seem to be listening, but I don’t care. I don't want to answer anything, I'm just listening on my phone. In the social networks, I can also ignore them simply because I don’t care. Silence does not bother me only with my mother. I can sit at least all day in silence and I will be calm. When I’m at home and they call me outside, I don’t want to go outside, when my friends call me for a walk, I think up all sorts of nonsense like business, I’m busy, but I myself continue to enjoy loneliness. But there are also such moments that I madly want communication, fun, crazy actions, and yes, oddly enough, I know how to have fun and am able to break away to the fullest. I can get together with friends and have fun and sing and dance, whatever, and I will like it that they are around, I will feel good. And these two contradictions in me do not allow me to realize and understand myself. Who am I - quiet or cheerful, perky girl? Here is such a story. But main problem is a small vocabulary in my speech. How to replenish yourself with new words and remember them in order to use them freely in the future? When I read, I can forget what I read the next day. Can you improve your memory? I also want to add my guess at the end, maybe the wrong people are next to me? Maybe I just can't open up to them and feel comfortable. I hope to meet someone who can listen carefully and with interest to everything I say. So that the minutes of silence nearby are minutes of reflection on something else, and not to look for "what should I say," so that this person and I enjoy these minutes.

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello Nika!

It turns out very interesting: you yourself do not want to listen, say that you are not interested, but you want to be listened to. On the other hand, you write that you do not know what to talk about, but you really want to talk, not listen. So talk about yourself, your experiences, your desires and needs. Ask your interlocutors, what impression do you make on them? Get real feedback from communication, and do not think for yourself.

Besides, what kind of friends are those who say that they are "not interested and do not care"? Friends just listen and can recommend something and help. And so it turns out to be a complete illusion: I want to talk - but I don’t pick up the phone, I don’t go for a walk, I’m tired of listening, but I listen, because I ask questions about them, and I don’t ask about myself. Try doing the opposite: ask questions about yourself, for example, I want to buy a new skirt, do you think this style will suit me? Or ask friends whose vocabulary you admire about what books they read, what hobbies they have, ask about what worries you: who to study for, who to work with, what goals to set in life, what you need to learn in time, where to visit what to see, etc. You don't live in a vacuum, you probably study somewhere, have some hobbies, interests, discuss it with your friends. Try to communicate with those with whom you are comfortable. A true friend does not cause tension, it is comfortable to be silent and comfortable to talk with him. DO NOT try to please someone, try to be true to yourself, you don’t need to drive yourself into the framework and correspond to some kind of classification: “quiet or cheerful”. You can and should be different, according to your mood, depending on the situation, certainly in connection with age and with current experiences. Be different, this is the essence, to achieve harmony and balance. If you want to be alone, be alone. If you want fun and communication - go to a meeting, but do not cultivate complexes in yourself from this. On the contrary, be as diverse as possible in your feelings. Don't be afraid to be different, be afraid of losing yourself in pursuit of everyone!

You know, Nika, we are best at doing what we practice every day. For example, I am sure that you can brush your teeth even with your eyes closed.  The same goes for communication, the more opportunities you use for training (live or through social networks, books), the better you will start to succeed and the more confident you will feel. But again, don't play around. Do this if there is a desire, if there is no desire to communicate, then the interlocutor will feel it, and neither you nor he will receive benefit and pleasure.

And of course, work on yourself. This should be your most important goal. Develop yourself comprehensively. Think about what you like to do, what do you do with pleasure? If you do something with passion, you will soon achieve success in this area, and this will certainly raise your self-esteem, which will this moment unstable. Look for your weaknesses and correct them, develop in yourself the qualities that you want to have. To do this, you need to understand what you want to become, what you want to achieve and see what you need for this, what you already have from the necessary, and what else is worth working on. The main thing is not to be afraid of anything if you make a mistake, you can always correct it once, and secondly, it is thanks to the mistakes and difficult situations that happen to us that we learn and grow. So feel free to go ahead and speak, do not think about how you speak, over time you will train your speech and increase your vocabulary. Just enjoy the fact that you are free to say whatever you want! Good luck to you!

4.0645161290323 Rating 4.06 (31 votes)

Marina12

Hello. My name is Marina. I don’t know how to communicate with people, I don’t have many friends (2 and then I always follow them with a ponytail and they most often communicate with others and I stay alone). I really want to be in the spotlight and interesting interlocutor but when the time comes I am silent and cannot keep up the conversation.

Marina12

I study at the Lyceum, I am 14 years old. I have no particular hobbies and most of my free time I watch TV or study.

What programs do you like to watch on TV? Are there any favorite subjects in the lyceum?
Are the friends you hang out with classmates or do you live nearby? How many years have you been friends?
Do you have social media friends on the Internet? Are you texting with someone? Are you in any groups?

Marina12

I like funny cartoons or movies also like dramas and anime. Of my friends, I only have classmates and in the social. networks, I also communicate with them

Have you tried expanding your social circle? There are interest groups in social networks - study, for sure there will be topics of interest to you. Join new groups, expand your circle of contacts. And then even with your current friends, you will have new topics for conversation if you have some new social circle outside of classmates. Haven't thought about this?
Are you into sports or fitness? Rollerblading, biking, skating, dancing, ...?

You are lonely because you have chosen two people for yourself (as you write) and expect that they will always be only busy with you, pay attention to you, "entertain" you with conversations :) But they have their own life outside of your contacts with them .
And you also need to expand your circle of acquaintances, start looking for interests in addition to cartoons and movies. You are 14 years old - the age when you should gradually have new hobbies and interests - a more adult orientation. Then you will have topics for conversation and new acquaintances will appear.
Have you already thought about your choice? future profession? Have you thought about who you want to work for, who to study for?

Marina12

I am a member of many groups in VK. And I don’t know which institute to enter, but I want to be the owner of a chain of hotels around the world

Marina12

I don't think. Mostly they just post interesting entries.
And when communicating live, a barrier arises and I can’t really say something

Exactly, Marina, I can tell you. that people from social networks communicate live. You take a very passive position - only read or watch. And as a result - do not train to talk, to talk, to communicate. You need to start at least with social networks - there are also various discussions and conversations on the topic of who published what? You need to participate in these discussions - express your opinion, ask questions... So, at least remotely, you will start talking with strangers, making contacts. Have you tried communicating like this?

Despite the fact that most of us like to show off our inner freedom and looseness, many people around the world still continue to suffer from excessive shyness, lack of communication and complexes. Of course, this hinders them not only in terms of their careers, but also in their personal lives.

With people? Think it's hard and you can't handle it? Wrong! If you know a few fairly simple rules, you can easily establish contact with any interlocutor.

So, the topic of our today's conversation is "Communicate with people without problems."

Rule one. The main thing

If you are determined to learn how to communicate with people, remember the most important rule: "People will treat you the way you treat them." Those. by and large - this is the principle of the mirror. Therefore, it is important not to forget that if relationships with this or that person are important to you, try to always speak kindly and slowly.

smile

Join the conversation

How to learn to communicate with people if it is unusual and inconvenient to even begin to express your own opinions? According to psychologists, if you are in an unfamiliar company, try not to engage in dialogue at all for a while, at least until you finally determine the topic of conversation. Just sit and listen. And do not worry, no one will regard your silence as a sign of unfriendliness. Quite the contrary, in companies they love and value the listeners very much. You know, there are always many more people who want to talk and express their point of view than those who are ready to listen to the end, only from time to time asking clarifying questions.

Facial expressions and gestures

Surprised? Yes Yes! Your gestures and facial expressions are as important as anything else. If you try to hide it, the person may think that your behavior is somehow unnatural, that you are hiding something and are most likely deceiving. Although remember that excessive gesticulation is a sign of nervousness. And this, you see, few people like it. Reveal a secret to you? If you really want to know how to learn how to communicate with people, remember: slow, narrow and gentle gestures, and especially open palms, is one way to please others. In addition, psychologists advise using the so-called “mirroring” method, which consists in trying to copy the pace of speech and gestures of your interlocutor. The better you do it, the more likely it is that they will see you as a close in spirit, almost a native person.

Sight

The eyes, of course, are another important item. And this is not at all surprising. After all, it is with the help of views that, according to scientists, we get up to 90% of all the necessary information.

In this article, I tried to tell as much as possible about how to learn to communicate with and give each other pleasure from this conversation. But believe me, the most important thing is not demeanor or speech at all. You yourself should act as an interesting interlocutor. If you want to gain popularity, communicate more and have a huge number of friends, try to captivate a person, keep up the conversation, let your eyes glow, do not leave your lips, and life is in full swing. And then, believe me, you will not have to look for communication, it will find you by itself.

I can't communicate with people. Memories of school press on me, that I was a nobody, that I was constantly alone, that I was in the minority, that I did not participate in any events. And now, I'm already 19, and I'm still there. I get lost when I am with my classmates, there is a stupor in my thoughts, a wild feeling of fear, I am talking nonsense, my voice is quiet, my eyes are running around. I can't participate in discussions, I can't joke, I can't do anything!! I tried to fight it, but it was only violence against myself. Subconsciously, I'm still afraid to communicate. Constantly feeling like a damn stupid loser. The reflex is triggered to be silent so that they don’t notice and start laughing like at school. I don't know what to do with it. I want to kill myself for this.
Support the site:

Marina, age: 01/19/2013

Responses:

Hello!
oooh, how I know your problems, how
as if you are writing about me, only ten years old
prescription. In general, I want to tell you that
it is POSSIBLE to solve the problems of unsociableness (on yourself
verified).
Judging by your text, you are smart and
sensitive person, and certainly interesting
personality. And problems with communication - purely
"technical" (although it seems that
irresistible). It's easy to learn +
of course, you need to solve the basic psychological
Problems. Read good literature on this
topic + refer to good psychologist, pass
several consultations.
Do you have friends? If so, how are they lined up?
relationship with them? Are there people in society
which you feel comfortable and
relaxed and forget about your problem?

Anke, age: 01/27/2013

Study, study and study again. Develop and practice communication skills
willpower, desire, and everything will be fine.

OLENA, age: 34 / 01/09/2013

I think you should take a course like photography or cooking or whatever you're interested in. People with similar interests will gather there, it will be easier for you to communicate with them. Best of all, of course, it seems to me, acting courses are suitable. Seriously, try what you have to lose.

Nat, age: 01/27/2013

Marina, the most effective thing is to get a good training in communication skills. Because there you will not only learn how to communicate effectively, but also put what you have learned into practice. In a comfortable safe environment, among people like you, with the same goal as yours - to learn how to communicate.

The next way is to read psychological literature on communication and do exercises in your Everyday life. It’s also good, little by little you will introduce useful communication tricks into your life.

Marin, there are those of us who either found it difficult to communicate, or to this day it is difficult to communicate - oh, how many in the world. But this is a completely surmountable circumstance, you just have to not sit back and be afraid, but learn - step by step, gradually. Therefore, there is a lot of literature on this topic, that the problem is common, search, read, learn and practice!

Nelly, age: ** / 01/09/2013

Marina, it seems to me that you demand too much from yourself from the first
step: easy and fun to communicate immediately with a lot of new
of people. This is already aerobatics in communication.
Start with the simplest. Join the conversation while
passively, that is, as just an interested listener. Be in
topic, laugh if it's funny, give approval if
agree with someone (just about, exactly, yeah, etc.), support
eye contact, learn not to bump into something of your own if
the conversation is at least a little bit interesting. Switch to your
business, if the topic is completely boring. Take a look at
classmates. They are different! Just by actively listening to others,
you can learn a lot about the interests of each, about the character. If you
timid, you will be calmer with people who are even, loyal, not
prone to play tricks on others, to condemn. These are not on
the first cast usually, but it's strong and good people. At first
roles are often "artists" who work for the public. They just love
a sharp joke, a "mess", an affair. These are mood people:
good - they will joke funny, bad - they will ridicule someone.
I advise over time, looking closely as it should, start
communicate with one or two who will be nice in human terms
qualities. Offer to go together to the buffet or for the necessary
books, discuss the teacher.
It seems to me pointless to try to take some place there in
group life, become "popular" or win some
there reputation as many want. It is important to be in a team
loyal, but don't impersonate others. Your opinion is not
you need to hide, you don’t need to flaunt it - the main thing is to HAVE it.
I think you will succeed.
Maybe you will not become a leader and ringleader (most likely not
you will, but there is nothing wrong with that!). However, having friends
feel comfortable - of course, yes!

Elena Ordinary, age: 37 / 01/09/2013

Marina, you need to get into a relaxing environment. And learn / work in it for a while. In a team where no one offended or condemned you. Universities often have such teams. Then your problems will probably go away. Don't give up. Now nobody offends you? Did I understand correctly?
Your condition is well known to me. Check out this link for the latest comment.

And about the fact that you constantly feel like a loser, read this article.
What else can I say ... I advise many here to go to the USA for the summer to work. Some small town on the coast. There are such programs designed specifically for university students. Mostly students from Eastern Europe and Russia go there. I have many friends who traveled like this, and two sisters, a cousin, and this year my own. Everyone comes back with the words: it was the best summer of my life.
America in your case is just what the doctor ordered. First, about complexes. Americans are kind and naive like children. It is absolutely not worth being afraid that you will freeze something with the Americans. Europeans laugh at Americans, saying that they are very good. stupid. To tell the truth, this is true)) But I do not think that this is a drawback. People just live, do not worry and enjoy life. To give you such a vivid example ... My sister and her friends once arranged a survey among Americans, they began to ask everyone: who is Charlie Chaplin. They've been asking all day. Nobody knew. There was only one person who answered that it was an actor. And that person was their manager.
Americans are also very polite and friendly. Cashiers in stores there are interested in how you are doing, the police wish you a good day ... Americans are people with a bunch of oddities, or rather, completely without complexes. There, no one will look askance at you even if you come to the pharmacy or to the cinema in pajamas. Whom they just don’t have there: full of fat people weighing under 200 kg, thin, tall, short ... Indian taxi drivers driving around the city in turban hats, blacks with more than strange piercings, people with, to put it mildly, strange hairstyles ... people in ties and suits and at the same time with slippers on their feet ... It's all the norm there. Many disabled people in wheelchairs drive through the streets. For them, special parking spaces near shops, banks ... And just try to put a car there. Handrails, ramps, wide ramps specially made for the disabled in supermarkets, banks, buses...everywhere. (In our country, a disabled person cannot even go out into the street. There are no conditions).
Bulgarians, Romanians and others who come there to work are also very cheerful and friendly.
And they all love to walk and hang out. Sitting on the sidelines will not work)). You will be taken by the hand and dragged to the party.
Summer on the coast, working in a cafe, a supermarket, on attractions in an amusement park, on water attractions ... in the company of such crazy Americans, Bulgarians, Romanians, etc., and there will be no trace of your complexes.
Moreover, they are all "not indifferent" to the European appearance. If the girl is fair-skinned, then there will already be increased attention to her (Russians are considered especially beautiful there), and if the girl is a blue-eyed blonde, then ...
The Russians who come there are also usually good people. Dreamy. And this already says a lot.
Knowledge of the language is required at least at the most primitive level. My sister told me that there were Russians there who didn't even know two words of English. The same Meks, Kazakhs, Bulgarians ... And nothing, they work. And they are all OK. AT big cities there are inscriptions in the metro in 5 languages, including Russian.
Eh, in short. Do not be upset. And the links that I gave, read.

Sunshine , age: *** / 01/09/2013

Marina, at school I also experienced problems in relations with classmates and over time I had complexes. While I was at school, I constantly felt inferior, although outside of school relations with peers developed normally. Growing up, I realized that I was just unlucky with my classmates and that it’s not about me, but about them. In vain, Marina, you dragged your complexes into adulthood. I’ll tell you a terrible secret: in this world, most people are busy with themselves, and not with others, so even if you say or do some something stupid, then no one will focus on this. If you can’t be the soul of the company, then you don’t need to strive for this, try to build relationships with a couple of people who, it seems to you, treat you favorably, and then by itself communication will go on. If you find yourself in an awkward situation, then you should be the first to laugh at yourself and then everything will go easier. Remember, everyone is busy with themselves and no one pays attention to your mistakes. good luck, and you try to get interested in other people, talk with them about what worries them and problems in communication will disappear. Smile, be friendly and people will reach out to you.

Marta, age: 39 / 01/09/2013

I present to you this article:

An insecure person makes a depressing impression: he looks like a piece of a leaf - carried by the wind. It seems that you will blow on him - and he will fly away in his reasoning, in his confused voice to unknown lands. It would be better for him to remain silent and remain in his opinion. Develop in that infinite perspective that he sees or feels.
Self-doubt is a good sign. This indicates the sophistication of the personality, the high internal resources. Of course for outside world“bravery” is good, but not for the internal. Timidity protects the inner world from decomposition into parts, prevents identification with the “powerful ones of this world” who can destroy the soul with their infecting wickedness. In addition, self-confidence implies a certain full measure. In what? .. If a person is infinitely insufficient, then how can he be sure of himself? - and if he does not realize his insufficiency, then what is it, if not self-delusion? And nothing, no blessings of the world will make up for this loss.
You can breathe freely where there is air, but if it is stale, then it is impossible to get rid of a choking cough. It is the same with a personality - she, embodied by the soul, feels where she is comfortable and where she is not. For a pious soul, like air, an environment of spirituality is necessary, and where it does not exist, it cannot communicate freely there. And let the choking cough be obvious to everyone: this will be a signal of the intransigence of the soul with the situation. Therefore, if some are comfortable here, while others are not, maybe your needs are different. And not always the reason for timidity, stiffness - in the internal, subjective qualities - sometimes there are objective reasons for this.
All this would not be worth saying, if not to say the main thing: the real feeling of being insufficient is that truth about oneself, which must be cherished, not replaced by illusions. After all, even the most brilliant achievements will not mean perfection - and exaltation over people destroys the soul of a person in a lie. Who wants to think a lot about himself - he often feels his insufficiency, but not as information for information and help in working on himself, but as an oppressive factor, like a gravitating yoke and the "Sword of Damocles" hanging over his head. Thus, one must praise God for cases of knowing one's weakness and insufficiency - but one should not transform this gift into an "inferiority complex". The feeling of inferiority according to the interpretation of the world is a mental flaw, while in reality it is a blessing if a person does not strive to merge with the world in a rush to be “one of”, but from loneliness and silence he knows how to endure what is valuable for his soul, learn spiritual contemplation and not tries to "overcome" in himself the knowledge of his insufficiency.
An insecure person makes a depressing impression: he looks like a piece of a leaf - carried by the wind. It seems that you will blow on him - and he will fly away in his reasoning, in his confused voice to unknown lands. But if a person is full dignity- not out of a sense of his significance, but out of humility and meekness before God, then even his silence is a gift and a significant message to the world.

Knowing, age: 01/22/2013

At first, it can be difficult to adopt a chatty style of communication, and then it can be difficult to get rid of talkativeness. Do you know what "self-esteem" is? It consists in appreciating the individual in oneself more than the social. Believe me, this is better: after all, communication is just a means of transmitting information, but at the same time, you don’t need to make it so that it is a means of transmitting information about yourself: how smart, sociable, sociable and happy you are. As soon as you stop wanting to assert yourself, the desire to stay in those merry and cackling companies in which there is no semantic content and moral meaning will disappear. Do you want to be like those? lose your contemplative individuality? - well, then do everything as a blueprint. If you become "one of them", you will lose yourself and then it will become very difficult to find yourself. Therefore, here is a piece of advice: start developing yourself for real, so that you have a rich inner world. Then you will no longer need, but they will need you. Do you know the personal aspirations of those you want to emulate? – what are they? How high is their morale? Is she spiritual? - if not, then it is not worth ruining that remnant of your inner world for such a fuss. Turn to the spiritual, Truth and the only meaning of being - and you will easily part with the unpleasant illusions of the world, one of which is your experience (has been haunting you since your youth) about the "lack of communication". I wish you real happiness, not its fake: and you will find it - you will get strength and perseverance.
Save and save the Lord.

Interlocutor, age: - / 01/09/2013

Dear Marina, try to start talking on simple neutral topics. For example: couples-teachers-session, music-films, clothes-cosmetics. To shine with eloquence and gush with jokes, no one requires you to. Even if you talk nonsense, it's okay, they won't spread rot for such a trifle. Sometimes, nonsense, it is cute and funny) The student environment is different age group, a different contingent of people, a cultural level, and the doors of the school have long been closed.

Alphard, age: 01/27/2013

Maybe you have social phobia, fear of society and people. You are not alone. Do you have friends?

Dmitry, age: 20 / 01/09/2013

I have the same problem, only I understand why this is happening to me. do you have any friends?

Lilya, age: 20/10/18/2013

I had the same
but I just moved to another city and all this surfaced, what the author writes
At first, I lived in a rented apartment with a former classmate, but thoughts of ending everything did not stop
I realized at some point that I NEED to move to a dormitory, otherwise I will never be able to communicate with people, I will always be alone and I won’t be able to speak normally (because when they talked to me, I just had a panic attack and I couldn’t say anything
the hostel helped
all these problems were forgotten almost immediately (in fact, others appeared, for example, with neighbors - one of them turned out to be a rare bitch
moved
but each time the fear of society was less and less
now in 4th grade. I still live in the same dorm
but everything gradually passes) cheers!