We all lie: someone in small things, without even realizing it, and someone in a big way, perfectly understanding what he is doing. A small lie from time to time is a common phenomenon, but what if you are so drawn to lying that you have already forgotten where the truth is and where the fiction is? A constant desire to lie is already a pathology, and in especially neglected cases it is worth contacting a professional psychologist. Well, we will consider an easier version of this problem. How to learn not to lie, when you often feel like embellishing reality or lying about something?

• Many people tend to lie in order to look more interesting and attractive in the eyes of others. They make up whole stories about their achievements, adventures, acquaintances with famous and popular people, wealth, etc. Such lies are typical for people with low self-esteem, for those who do not love themselves and do not accept their individuality. There is only one way out: you need to thoroughly understand yourself, your pros and cons, understand who you really are, and accept the real you. You need to love yourself, acquire a healthy self-esteem - then the desire to lie to yourself will disappear, and after this, the desire to lie to others about yourself.
• For many, this advice may be useful: imagine that the truth has been revealed (and very often it happens). How do you feel in this situation? How will you then talk to the person you are going to lie to and look him in the eye?
• To stop lying, you must consciously forbid yourself to do so. To do this, you need to think carefully about your problem. First, realize that this lack of you really exists and spoils your life. Then remember in what situations you are drawn to lie, think about why this happens and how you can avoid it. Promise yourself to stop lying. After that, in each situation, as soon as you are drawn to a lie, remember your promise - this will help stop the lie.
• Imagine yourself in the shoes of the person you are lying to. Unpleasant? You trust a person, and he, in turn, lies to you. Who would want to be in such a situation? Of course, no one. Before you lie to a person, try to switch places with him and imagine yourself from his side.

Lies for good

There is also a lie for the good - when a person deliberately lies to another so as not to hurt him. If we take a deeper look at this topic, we can come to the conclusion that a lie for good is actually a double-edged sword. By lying for the good, you can both save a person and cause him even more harm. It is very important to learn to distinguish when such a lie is justified and really needed, and when it is harmful. Let's consider two examples.

• In an incomplete family consisting of mother and daughter (father died), the girl asks her mother where her father is. The girl is still very small, but she is very worried about the absence of her father. In this situation, a lie is needed for good. In order not to injure the child's psyche, it is better for the mother to lie, saying that dad went on a long journey, that he loves them very much and remembers them, but will not be able to go back. Later, when the daughter grows up, she fully understands what the death of a person is, carefully she can be told the truth.
• Consider a household example. Let's say that your friend got a very bad haircut or bought a dress that obviously spoils her figure. She asks you how she looks, and you, trying not to offend her, lie, give her false compliments. A friend, deciding that everything is in order, continues to go with the same haircut or puts on a new dress more often. You understand that she looks ridiculous in the eyes of others, but you cannot admit that you lied. Obviously, it was necessary to gently tell the person the truth.

Be able to recognize when it is possible, and maybe it is worth lying, and when it is necessary to tell the truth. In any case, an excessive desire for lies is harmful, and it must be disposed of.

It is difficult to find a person who is absolutely sincere with others. We are not always ready to share our innermost dreams and show emotions. People are entitled to their little secrets, but problems start when a person tries to deceive himself. His mind and heart "conflict", spiritual harmony disappears.

Each person periodically conducts an internal dialogue with himself. Although others do not hear him, slyness in front of his "I" can lead to serious discord. A person begins to harbor anger at himself, complexes develop, self-esteem decreases, psychological health is destroyed. Negative emotions can provoke apathy and prolonged depression.

When there is an imbalance between internal mood and behavior, a person begins to delve into himself. But far from always, he can discard unnecessary emotions and admit that true reason failure lies within himself.

It is easier for people to lie to themselves than to see the truth. In this case, a person’s emotions are positive in relation to himself, because he shifts the blame for failures to others and circumstances, justifies himself and continues to go with the flow. People who lie to themselves are used to running away from reality and embellishing reality. The ability to be honest affects all areas of life. A person has to get out of his comfort zone, but this is the only way to improve his life.

Where to begin?

It is difficult to stop lying to yourself if you continue to philosophize and not notice the obvious truths. First of all, you need to recognize the problems and clearly identify your shortcomings. This process can cause negative emotions, but otherwise it will not work to change your life. Write down the points you want to change, and in front of each offer a solution to the problem.

Talk to your inner self, ask yourself those questions that you were afraid to answer before. Psychologists advise to conduct a simple experiment - write down all the answers, and after a week once again enter into a dialogue with your "I". By comparing the answers, assess how far you have progressed and what you still need to work on.

If you want to stop lying to yourself, you need to develop self-control. Train yourself to notice your own faults and to be honest about your shortcomings. This will help you take responsibility into your own hands, change your life.

If you want to be extremely honest with yourself, you cannot leave questions unanswered. But superficial judgments will not help you change your thoughts and emotions. Many things that are clear by default cease to be obvious if you try to see their essence.

Hasty answers can make life easier, but they are often far from the truth. Harsh reality destroys castles in the air and changes a person's emotions, forcing him to admit his mistakes. This entails a spiritual crisis, which makes it possible to re-evaluate life. After such upheavals, a person begins to understand why it is so important to tell yourself the truth.

Realize true emotions

People often judge themselves for their emotions. Sometimes it is very difficult to accept your feelings, it is easier to deceive yourself and believe that you always experience only “decent” emotions. You need to learn to accept any of your feelings - then the desire to lie to your inner "I" will disappear.

It is important to listen to yourself, to treat experiences with respect, even if they bring negative emotions. The man who denies his spiritual impulses is half dead. If you don't respect your feelings, others won't respect them either.

Human Emotions: Disable Your Self-Defense Mechanism

The emotions of a person who wants to meet other people's expectations are contradictory. His body includes a mechanism of self-defense. Allow yourself to be yourself, to keep your individuality. As soon as you try to fit in with someone, immediately remember your own interests. Do not make excuses and do not dissemble, admit your imperfection and work on yourself.

The other extreme is the complete denial of opinions other than one's own. Not wanting to hear others is another symptom of self-deception. A person hides his emotions and goes into "deaf self-defense", afraid to destroy his ghostly world.

A common type of lie to oneself is an overestimation of one's own capabilities. A person takes on overwhelming tasks for which he lacks professionalism. As a result, he loses the trust of others, his reputation suffers.

Write down your weaknesses on paper, rate your professional skills on a five-point scale. Think about how you can improve your skills, highlight your strengths. Recognize that your abilities are limited and decide how you will improve them.

When a person is dissatisfied with his life, but is not ready to change anything, he begins to live in illusory dreams. He lies to himself that everything will get better, now is not the right moment for decisive action, you need to wait. Such self-deception only aggravates the situation - a person dreams of things that require effort to acquire, but does nothing.

True criteria or self-deception?

When a person is not satisfied with a number of moments, but he continues to convince himself that it cannot be otherwise, then it is time to conduct an internal dialogue with his "I". Why do you try to convince yourself that everything is going according to plan? Perhaps a particular task seems too complicated or irrelevant to you? Think about why the situation makes you feel negative emotions? If you honestly answer your main questions, you will understand where to move on.

When a person is honest with himself, he is based on the true criteria, and not on the illusory illusory. Therefore, he adequately assesses his own capabilities and properly manages resources. A person’s emotions, when he lies to himself, prevent him from looking at what is happening sensibly, which is why all his undertakings end in failure.

If you want to live in harmony with yourself, you need to accept yourself, your needs, desires and interests. Do not give up your own uniqueness for the sake of illusion or apparent benefits.

Every person in his life at least once lied or was deceived. There are many reasons why people lie. Most often this is due to the desire to look better than it actually is. It would seem that lying is so simple, but it is worth remembering that a lie destroys a person from the inside and violates his harmony. The fear of being exposed brings great discomfort, which over time can turn into serious ones. Many people begin to understand with age that deception is not a way out of the situation, so they think about how to stop lying.

Lies for good

That wording is a pretty weak excuse. It is very difficult to determine the line when lying does not do harm. And does it exist? In any case, the deception will sooner or later be revealed, and the person who composed the legends will feel very uncomfortable. It is difficult to prove that this was done for good and not for harm. Lying destroys even the strongest relationships, aggravates situations and negatively affects health.

Why do people become liars?

As a rule, no one plans to become a cheater. This happens gradually, but inevitably leads to the fact that a person asks the question: “How to stop lying?” The process begins with the fact that people say the information that the interlocutor wants to hear. They believe that "innocent" lies will not harm anyone. But this is not so: an unpleasant aftertaste and fear of “getting caught” remain.

Reasons for lying

To understand how to stop lying to people, you need to understand why this happens. Sometimes a person realizes with chagrin that he very often tells a lie. Fiction can be of a different nature, but the result is always the same: people lie and stop remembering what, when and to whom they said. Lies grow like a snowball, this leads to sad consequences.

Psychologists identify the main reasons why people cheat:

How to deal with the desire to lie?

When thinking about how to stop lying, the first step is to acknowledge the problem. Without this, getting rid of such an addiction is unlikely to succeed. The next step is to calm down. No need to remember with horror when, what and to whom was said. It is enough to apologize to those people who had to listen to fables. And when the desire to lie again arises, it is necessary to remember the promise made to oneself.

Be yourself

You should not compare yourself with other people and be guided by their actions and thoughts. Each person is an individual. To earn respect from others, you need to remain honest and work on your inner world.

Telling the truth is easy!

For people who are thinking about how to stop lying, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. Experts assure that telling the truth is simple and pleasant. In the future, you will not need to strain and frantically remember your stories. It is much easier to analyze the situation once than to live in constant fear that the truth will be revealed and you will have to relive unpleasant moments. This destroys inner harmony and makes you restless.

There is no "little lie"

People who justify their deceit with such a concept as "lie of silence" are deeply mistaken. No need to look for excuses and dress up lies in beautiful forms. Not telling the truth that is known is also a lie.

Lies for the sake of reputation

Tips on how to stop lying can only be effective when a person realizes the futility of his own lies. No reputation will last long on false stories. But regaining the trust of others will be much more difficult, and sometimes almost impossible. It is better to look for other paths to the heights that will help achieve sustainable and unshakable results.

"Little Truths"

It is very difficult for people who lie all their lives to understand overnight how to stop lying. Therefore, psychologists recommend starting with small steps. It is necessary every day to speak the truth where before there would be a lie.

Lying is a kind of theft: a person dishonestly receives respect, love and recognition from people. It is better to direct your energy towards understanding how to satisfy emotions in an honest way. This will become a strong base for self-development and building relationships with others.

From time to time, each of us puts on a "liar suit", and areas such as fiction, advertising and politics - and cannot exist at all without a share of fantasy and fiction.

However, if you try to completely get rid of deception, high self-esteem, good mood, and optimism may suffer. But when a lie becomes a habit, then the deceiver himself runs the risk of being its hostage. How and why is this happening?

• First of all, this is mediated by the limits of decency. To the question "How are you?" you won’t start complaining, but about the hostess “Delicious salad?” you will answer "Yes", even if, for your taste, it is not.

Such lies are generally harmless - on the contrary, they contribute to life in society and soften the corners of communication.

• The second reason is lack of self-respect. One begins to lie to draw attention to his person, the second - for flirting, the third - for pity, the fourth - for outrageous ...

At the heart of such behavior is a lack of love and low self-esteem.

The deceiver is sure that there is nothing to appreciate him for, and behind lies he tries to hide himself from the world. He believes that the true face will scare away the interlocutor, and therefore disguises himself and tries to create a more attractive "double".

What is all this effort for? To get what a person cannot give himself on his own - attention, approval.

• another reason to lie is the desire to manipulate people. They admire, they listen with their mouths open, they wait in their company - such a reaction can actually become a drug.

Such a lie allows you to feel your own superiority, gives you power over others for a short time, and simply gives you pleasure. This path of lies, as a rule, goes to those who, in their childhood, caught their friends or parents in the obvious deception, or unwittingly became a participant in the deception.

The tendency to lie becomes pathological only when the deceiver's sense of guilt disappears. Later, he himself begins to believe in his stories, getting lost behind a fictional personality.

However, there is no point of no return here. Even from the most vicious circle of lies, you can get out on your own.

If you are looking for an answer to the question - how to stop lying - listen to the advice of a psychologist:

• trust first close person. Someone who can listen to you without judging you.

• then take a look around. For fear of forgetting any part of his story, the liar cannot concentrate on what is being told to him. At the same time, considering himself far from perfect, he attributes incredible qualities to the people around him.

But it is enough to look closely to see that everyone has flaws. “If you can be tolerant of others, why can’t you accept yourself for who you are?”

• even if you didn’t become what you dreamed of being as a child, and your life is not full of fun and holidays, but escaping from reality will not solve this problem. Love yourself and then you will be able to accept the love of others, which you so need.

Many people think about the question of how to stop lying to themselves, and most importantly, how to stop lying to a loved one. After all, it is a lie, often the most insignificant and seemingly innocent, that becomes the cause of discord in.

First you need to find out the reason for the systematic lies. The reason may be:

• desire to appear better;
• the desire to achieve the desired result by all means;
• desire to comfort yourself.

If the cause is identified, you can proceed to the next step. We determine the reason for the desire to stop lying. The more reasons and the clearer they are, the easier it will be to deal with deceit. Often the incentive to stop lying is:

• desire to feel their own decency;
• the desire for close, and accordingly - honest communication with others;
• the desire to regain the former trust of loved ones.

In addition, you can find comrades-in-arms - people who have already been through treatment for lies. A good option would be conversations with a psychologist and relatives who will definitely support this intention and help in the fight against deceit. In addition, today there are many support groups consisting of people with the same problems. Visiting such groups will help to cope with the set task faster and easier, thanks to the advice of experienced people in solving such a problem.

It is very important to identify situations in which lies occur most often and learn to avoid them, or learn to overcome yourself and avoid lying. If the lie arises because of concern about something specific - the level of earnings, social status, or grades in school - you need to try to get rid of these concerns in the first place.

How to stop lying to people?

If the lie is directed at specific people - parents or friends, you need to determine the reason for the fear of telling the truth. If still not it turns out not to lie, perhaps it is better to just remain silent.

If we talk about telling only the truth always and to everyone, it is worth making a reservation - this is impossible. Untruth is not true - discord and not always the truth, whatever it may be, is appropriate. There is also a white lie, which is justified and is aimed at unwillingness to hurt one's neighbor.

In general, there are a lot of nuances, which are very difficult to fully foresee. Lying is undeniably bad, but you should seriously think about it only when lying becomes a pathology and some kind of addiction - a lie for the sake of a lie.