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How to see yourself from the outside. Luck Principles

Step-by-step answer-question with a psychologist

Success. Luck. favorable opportunities. “Do unto others as you would like to be done unto you!” Let's explain these words on a real situation in life. A small remote work (consultation) with a businessman changed him, his life and success turned to face him and went towards him. How to see mistakes in relationships with partners, how to build relationships with potential partners and make friends in general with people?

№4 (4) – Here is an excerpt from life - the situation of learningniya "see yourself from the outside"

Businessman: Why am I not accepted in society "A"? After all, I want to be with them, I follow their orders, I am courteous and respect personal boundaries? Do I treat them the way I want to be treated?

Psychologist: Let's look at the similar attitude you have towards someone. Is there exactly the same attitude you have towards someone that you do not like in society "A"?

- Yes, I think about it now. I also relate to a certain person at work. He wants to communicate with me, reaches out to me, and I try to distance myself and be busy.

- The same attitude as in society "A"?

- Yes, the feeling is probably the same, I am also drawn to them, but they seem to push me away.

- What do you understand now?

- I do not accept the same as me, who is interested in what he is interested in, and I "have no time for him." And in society "A" I am interested, but they are not interested.

After some time…

“They started to accept me in the “A” society, but without much enthusiasm.

- Did you start hiring an employee?

– Yes, but without much enthusiasm (laughs).

After some time…

- We have fun in society "A", I feel relaxed and we found common notes in interests.

How is your relationship with your employee?

- I found something interesting in him, and we can easily spend 5-10 minutes in a heart-to-heart talk.

- Conclusion?!

- I used to flatter and I wanted to get into society “A” by any means, but now I just opened up as a person, something clicked. I realized that when people are sincerely drawn to you, you need to see it and respond with sincere attention. And when they move towards you with flattery or some other motives, it is worth refusing or pushing back the contact. Everything is as it was with me and it's legal. A false attitude will not bring joy.

PS.: It remains to come to your true "I", your individuality, your true ego, relying on sincerity, openness, honesty and most importantly - always see yourself from the outside, improving simplicity.

Sincerely,

Shaping future events. A practical guide to overcoming the unknown Shterenberg Irina Irekovna

5. Exercise "Looking at yourself from the outside"

Relax.

Catch and record your last thought or last thoughts running through your head.

Become aware of and remember the feelings you just experienced.

Now imagine, see yourself from the outside. In order to better imagine the posture in which you are sitting, relax all muscle groups several times, immediately returning to its original state. So you will feel in which parts of your body there is tension, what kind of facial expression you have, the general tone of the body. The very position of the body will tell you that emotional state where you are. To feel your body, to feel your posture, the position of your body is necessary in order for you to see yourself in your imagination, as on a mental TV screen.

Looking at yourself from the outside, add to this picture those of your last thoughts that you remember, and also add the feelings that you were now experiencing. Now you see yourself, realize your feelings, hear your thoughts.

Whether you like yourself or not, it doesn't matter, because it's you, the way you are now. And you have to learn to accept yourself.

Look at yourself from the outside, listen to your own thoughts, get in touch with your feelings, smell your body, imagine how it feels to the touch.

What is dominant for you now? Your feelings, your thoughts or your bodily sensations?

Maybe your feelings have crowded out everything else, and because of them you can not think about anything?

The more feelings, the less reasonable explanations. But when we have many thoughts, we are not aware of our feelings. In the case when a person's feelings or thoughts are excessively prevalent, his body may suffer and become decrepit.

What does your body want to tell you? Maybe it wants to tell you that you do not pay attention to it, do not follow it properly?

What is predominant in you - thoughts, feelings or bodily sensations? What needs more attention? Realize, think, feel your answer.

After a while, mentally merge with yourself again.

Using this exercise, you can learn to “see” yourself from the side at home, at work, in any other setting. You can imagine how other people see you. You will be able to look at yourself from the outside, evaluate your appearance, your well-being and mood. Maybe you should change something in appearance e.g. clothes, hair?

If you train well, you will be able to tell yourself when you need rest, or, perhaps, on the contrary, physical activity, when you should calm down, and when you should mobilize all your strength.

I often feel like I can do almost anything. Send three letters of any. Have any enemies and not be afraid of them. I can be friends for real and I know that I will always help them, and they will help me.

And it's not about the status of my environment. All my girls are different. The best friend is a loafer and freeloader of rich parents. The other is an ordinary doctor. The third is a single mother, hard worker and plowman, who herself achieves everything in life.

If something happens, I'll tear my mouth for my friends. I will do everything, but unfortunately, this alone is not enough.

Occupying the post of deputy in a large state corporation, my Yulia freaked out and quit the fuck. Well, she thought, I've always achieved everything - I'll get through now.

A month of futile search for a new place with income and status to match the habits almost turned into a tragedy. What Yulia seemed like a trifling matter turned out to be an impossible task.

The labor market is in decline, and children need to be fed. Savings are quickly dwindling, and all potential jobs are amazingly quickly filled by other people.

It seems that there are a lot of acquaintances, and they are all bosses, but as far as business is concerned, everywhere is a bummer.

A month later I had to join. That’s what she didn’t do, with whom she didn’t contact in order to find Yulia a job. I even talked to two governors, but after the interview they merged. At first they promised, and then they made some stupid excuses and averted their eyes.

So six months passed.

Did I already say that I can do almost everything? And to find a job, I thought, for a smart friend - generally pah. A trifling matter, absolutely nonsense. But after each interview that I agreed on, Yulia was rejected.

At some point, it dawned on me that she was messing around somewhere.

Not my friends are to blame - well, they can't be all goats! It was about her, because - let's be honest? - many want to do me a favor so that I remain indebted. And here - with enthusiasm and joyfully promised to help, and after the interview they averted their eyes.

It became clear to me that the matter was in the interview. At her last place of work, Yulia started from the very bottom and gradually rose to a position in the management. Everyone saw her, knew what a hard worker she was, smart and in general.

But presenting yourself well in an interview is a whole other story.

Photo: Getty Images

Well, what ended an independent attempt to conduct an interview, probably you don’t need to tell? They neighed, wept, but they did not find out anything. So the next day we took a scientific approach.

Scientific - this is when not chickens sit and wonder what the problem is, but specialists look like doctors at patients. After digging through the Internet, we found Anti-Slavery - a service for preparing for interviews.

We read it more carefully and, to be honest, both of them hesitated at first. It seems that you don’t need to do anything special - you record a video for 5 minutes, send it and sit, wait for the result, but here’s the mechanism itself ... Yulia and I are not stupid people, of course we know about the neural network, but to believe that with its help you can prepare for an interview, and even to do something similar in Russia directly - earlier than in the whole world - it was difficult.

But there wasn't much to lose either, so we decided to give it a try. Yulia recorded a video directly on her phone, told about herself: what she worked for, what she can do, where she wants to get a job. In general, everything is like in a real interview. Video recording is not difficult, of course, plus quickly. Recorded, downloaded and forgotten. Well, they forgot - it was written that in a day the result, well, we tuned in for a day.

At the same time, the report itself was received already after 40 minutes, consider that they didn’t even have time to finish drinking tea and further discuss who knows what about neural networks. The result came directly to Yulia's mail, with numbers, with text - what is good, what is bad in gestures, in facial expressions, in speech. In general, all the pros and cons that the neural network noticed from the video. And it is full, detailed and chewed so that even a fool will understand where he messes up in interviews.

In the case of Yulia, who is accustomed to working in a team of tough military men in civilian clothes, the neural network determined excessive rigidity and authority. I turned to tough men about her, and those, having talked with Yulia, were simply afraid of such a “deputy”.

And, in general, it was like a hundred percent true. Yulia went to interviews, talked, and she herself couldn’t understand why they didn’t call her back and merge her. You don't see yourself from the outside. Yes, and I didn’t really understand what was happening, but I didn’t go to work with her, I didn’t see how she behaves there.

Knowing now her jamb, Yulia began to be more attentive to what she says at the interview and how she behaves - and just the other day she received a job offer.

In principle, it is clear that the program is not a panacea, you yourself will have to work and correct your mistakes later. Julia, as a smart person, did it herself, but if you wish, you can take the second part of the service - a consultation with a specialist. That is, you get a report, fix your jambs, call up an expert, and a real, live person will tell you whether you managed to improve your story about yourself or not. At the same time and train to pass the interview live. Well, if there are any jambs again, then they will chew everything up again and tell you how to fix them. The number of consultations is not limited, you can even train until retirement to look for a job.

Well, about prices. You will laugh, but no one is going to skin you like a sticky. The price of the initial analysis and consultation with a specialist is like drinking two cups of coffee, but is it necessary to say that the benefits are a thousand times greater? And with promo code miro you will pay 10% less. However, see for yourself.

Does your self-image match what people say about you?

For what.

If you look at yourself more often:

You will have a lot of information to work on yourself;

You will react much less painfully to criticism and "attacks" on yourself, your loved one.

And in general, if you yourself have already seen everything at home - what does it matter to you who and what will say and think about you? No-one!

When you learn to look at yourself from the outside and analyze your mistakes, it will be easier for you to navigate what is happening in your life. You will no longer groan and reproach fate for what happened to you. You will quite easily understand the “calls” from your human essence, you will understand what your “troubles” are, it is time to work with them.

That is, awareness will increase significantly in your life. And it's great! It's so nice to understand what's going on in your own life.

What's important.

1. When you look at yourself from the outside, it is important to keep your attention only on yourself and not slide into a search for reasons and explanations why "they" ("he" - "she" - "life itself" - "your destiny" - etc.). e.) with you SO!!! managed, SO!!! dealt with you.

Time will put everything in its place. Moreover, this will happen taking into account the work you have done to realize your mistakes and stupidities. So, there is no need to delve into other people's troubles at all. Remember the basic principle of eniology - look for the reasons in yourself.

Behind the desire to understand those who have harmed and hurt you is most likely the desire to find evidence for yourself of your own value for these people. That is, such a desire is nothing more than a manifestation of your "hurt to the quick" ego.

And therefore, trying to understand others in situations that are problematic for you is a step into subjectivism, a step towards your ego.

And right now we don't need it. We need to see ourselves, that is, look at ourselves objectively.

Therefore, while viewing the situation, you should try to see only your own - your mood, state, your emotions and actions in the situation with which you are working in this moment. That is, try to understand only yourself in that situation.

Of course, often it is not so pleasant to see yourself from the outside. Especially if this happens for the first time. Even more I will say - sometimes it becomes ashamed and bitter for oneself, for one's actions, emotions, reactions, thoughts. But on the other hand, it becomes possible to analyze all this, to understand what you stumbled on, blundered, made a mistake. See the reasons behind it all.

And in general - try to look at yourself from the outside as if you are looking not at yourself, but at a completely unfamiliar person. After all, it is much easier to see mistakes in other people than in oneself. So why not use this human feature to your advantage!

2. After you see your mistakes and understand the reasons, you can think about how it would be best to act in this situation. And outline for yourself a model of behavior in such situations. (I sometimes make reminder notes to myself and stick them in a conspicuous place - so as not to forget and not to "do the fool" next time).

It is useful to think about what exactly in yourself you should pay attention to next time, to overcome what to make efforts in order not to make a mistake again, what to control yourself, overpower, etc.

3. You should not engage in self-blame and self-flagellation, even if you saw yourself in a very unsightly form, playing a non-heroic role at all.

Remember, time is an abstraction, and past and future are multivariate. And as soon as you saw your mistakes and stupidities, as soon as you understood, repented, realized, your Event Field begins to change, building a new streamer of your development, giving you new information for awareness, new chances for growth and moving forward.

4. Do not forget about test situations - usually they do not take long to wait. It is not enough just to understand the mistake - you also need to be able not to repeat it in the future.

I wish all of us Reason, Awareness, Willpower and Perseverance.

VERY IMPORTANT POINT!

When you see the situation, you don’t have to scroll it like a movie, cut out pieces, erase colors, send it to annihilation, overwrite it, etc., etc., etc.

Remember, this is your life, your priceless life experience.

As Viktor Yuryevich often says, very many people, having reached eniology and having touched the purest, highest knowledge, suddenly slide into ordinary magic.

SO - we in eniology consider the situation ONLY in order to find, understand and analyze our mistakes.

Remember - we change the information in the Information Fields ONLY BY AWARENESS OF OUR ERRORS AND NONDS.

Remember the property of Information Fields!

After a person realizes his mistakes, information about these errors in the IP is overwritten.

That is a person with your awareness removes records of his mistakes from his IP - and normalization occurs on all levels of his multidimensional essence.

This is a natural property of information that makes it possible for all living things to evolve.

All other ways to change something are from the evil one.

People, be vigilant! Think before you do anything.

But each of you has every right to do what he sees fit. Reason to all and Consciousness!

How to see yourself from the outside.

Recall some recent situation that was not very emotional for you. Place it close to you.

Pay attention to how you see this situation:

See the situation and yourself in it as if from the outside;

You do not see yourself in that situation, but look at everything that is happening there, and now, as if with your own eyes.

1. If you have the first option, then everything is fine, you have already experienced the situation and you can calmly analyze it in order to find your mistakes (considering everything that was mentioned in paragraph "What's important").

2. If you have the second option, then you are still there, in that situation. In the meantime, you are “stuck” there, you are unlikely to be able to look at this situation and yourself in it from the outside.

In this case, you need to either wait for who knows how long until the situation is “digested” by you, or consciously get out of this situation. It is up to you to decide what to do: wait or go out now.

If the situation is very emotional and painful for you, you can get out of it gradually, not immediately, and not even in one day.

But we have already agreed that you will consider the situation not very emotional. Therefore, you can try to immediately get out of this situation and look at everything from the outside.

So, you remembered the situation and placed it not far from you. Now slowly start to get out of there.

This can be done either by mentally moving the picture with the situation away from you, or by moving back yourself, as if backing away, and imagining that you are getting out of that situation.

Do as you please. Most often, I move the picture away from me at the same time, and myself, as it were, get out, move back from this situation.

The purpose of all this is to see yourself from the outside in the situation under consideration.

The exit from the situation may be accompanied by an emotional reaction, most often with tears, yawning, etc. If this happens, let your emotions go out - cry, yawn, sleep a little if you are very drawn to sleep.

After that, you will be able to look at yourself and the whole situation from the outside and analyze it in order to find your mistakes and stupidities (taking into account what was said in paragraph "What's important")

That's all.

I wish you success in working on your mistakes!

Olga Kostyuk. Representative of the Research Center "ENIO", Tambov

P.S. If you have any questions, you can ask them directly in the comments)

Learning to see yourself for who you are is sometimes an excruciating process, but if you put in the time and effort, meeting your true self is a significant reward. An objective and honest view of ourselves helps us to accept ourselves and determine the path of our growth and development in the future.

Steps

Part 1

Describe in writing your perception of yourself. Take a pen and piece of paper and write down your own description of yourself. As detailed as possible, from all sides: from the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual.

• Begin affirmations with "I..." or "I'm proud to be..."
• In each section, write down 8 to 12 statements.
• List your strengths and weaknesses. Most people are able to identify at least one positive quality and one negative quality of themselves, no matter how inflated their ego or destroyed their self-esteem. Write down what you think are your strengths and what you are not strong at. Rely solely on your inner feeling.

1. Recall significant moments from your life. Think about what stories from your past you most often share. Ask yourself what these stories say about you and why you feel compelled to tell them to other people.

   • Pay special attention to what these stories say about you as a person. Are these stories about your honesty or bravery? Do you tell them because they are an example of your usual behavior, or, on the contrary, demonstrate a rare display of qualities that you would like to have?

2. Think back to your childhood. Most people were most honest about themselves as a person and their desires when they were children. Remember what made you happy when you were a child and what made you feel disappointed. Reflect on what your belief system was like when you were a child. If something has changed since then, note what exactly and identify the reasons that influenced these changes.

   • For example, as a child, you valued moments of independence and independence. If you are still striving to increase your personal space, then this desire for freedom is obviously part of your true personality.
   • However, if at the moment you are bound by a number of obligations, ask yourself why. You may have learned to value family and friends in a new way, in which case, the desire to fulfill your obligations is also part of you. On the other hand, perhaps you are just trying to live up to other people's expectations, and then the real you is still the same independent personality that manifested in you when you were a child.

   Part 2

   Take a step back

   1. Put a ban on the mirror. Take a step back from the mirror and refuse to look at your reflection for an entire week. This will allow you to reduce the influence of the false perception of your physical self, which is daily maintained by looking at your reflection in the mirror.

      • By the end of this period, you may have come to the realization that the only person who cares so much about your appearance and who is so critical of it is yourself. Once you force yourself to stop focusing on your physical imperfections, you will find, to your surprise, that no one insists on focusing on them instead of you. As a result, in the end, you realize that the negative perception of your appearance is not true.

   2. Quiet the noise in your head. Life can be very demanding, and your own thoughts can pull you in hundreds of different directions at the same time. Simplify your life for a few weeks to minimize the anxious thoughts and negative self-talk that usually comes with a busy schedule.

      • If you find it too difficult to quickly calm this inner noise, plan in advance for a vacation or weekend that you can devote to calming the inner bully. Take care to organize this time as much as possible so that during the "vacation" you do not have to do anything. Resolve the issue with all commitments so that at this time no external anxieties can infiltrate your thoughts.

   3. Encourage others to be honest with you. You need to look at yourself in a new way. Someone who knows you well probably has a pretty good idea of ​​who you really are, but the thing is, few people close to you will want to be completely honest about your weaknesses. You should find friends who will be frank with you, and convince them not to be afraid to tell you everything as it is.

      • You can let people feel at ease criticizing you if you learn to criticize yourself constructively. If you can demonstrate constructive self-criticism, people around you won't feel as much discomfort telling you the truth.
      • Some people themselves are more willing to tell the truth than others. Most learn to speak the truth to those who are willing to accept it. Well, if in your environment there are both those and others.
      • If people give you constructive criticism, listen carefully and take what they say. Don't react with anger and don't force your friends to go back on their word for you.

   4. Put people before you. People tend to hate the feeling of their own insignificance, so, as a rule, if a person has a bad opinion of himself, he is looking for someone at the expense of whom he can rise. This greatly distorts self-perception. It is better to find those people whom you consider above yourself.

      • If you hang out with people you think are better than you, it helps you set goals and see where you want to go. No one is perfect, but we often tend to admire people who have positive qualities that we don't. Admiring these people, we are more and more clearly aware of what we ourselves lack, and having realized this, we can strive to acquire them.

   Part 3

   See yourself in a new way

   1. Analyze each point of self-perception that you had. Once you've taken a break from your original self-image, take out your newly-created list and go through each item. Consider how relevant each item is. Take as much time as you need to list.

      • Ask yourself a question about every statement you make about yourself:
        • "Is it really so?"
        • "Can I prove that this is true? Can I prove that this is not true?"
        • "What reaction, physical and emotional, does this thought or idea evoke in me?"
        • “Are there any positive sides this negative quality?” / “Are there any negative sides this positive quality?

   2. Step outside your comfort zone. Force yourself to check each statement as if you were a beginner who has just started learning something new. Personal strengths and weaknesses tend to be more pronounced in times of uncertainty. Be very attentive to your own reactions in order to better understand what your strengths and weaknesses are.

      • The challenge is to discover something you know nothing about and force yourself to learn it. For example, if you know nothing about cooking, then learn how to cook deliciously.
      • You should carefully monitor your reactions during this period. This process must be completed on your own. Don't rely on other people for this.

   3. Accept all your weaknesses and failures. People hate to make mistakes, but no one is perfect. Instead of denying your failures and mistakes, stop making excuses and honestly admit everything that was wrong. This includes what you yourself considered wrong, and what you previously denied.

      • Realize that accepting your failures and mistakes is a necessary part of the process of knowing yourself. In addition, if you hope to ever change these areas of your life, you need to start by admitting and accepting your mistakes.
      • Also, you need to get rid of all your excuses. For example, if you are constantly playing for time, do not try to justify it by saying that you do everything anyway, therefore, it does not matter. It’s better to just admit to yourself that you are putting everything off until the last moment.

   4. Look inside yourself. Faced with a problem, look for the cause in yourself. It's easiest to always put the blame on other people, but in order to avoid exaggerating your ego, you should seriously ask yourself if you are not to blame for the situation.

      • Likewise, you should turn to yourself whenever you are tempted to complain about other people. When this happens, stop and ask yourself if these people have a reason to complain about you.

   5. Look at the situation from the outside. Think about your goals, ideas, and desires. Perhaps in your head you have already justified and explained each of them, but try to imagine what they would all look like if it were not about you, but about another person. If the response is ambiguous, try to figure out why.

      • For example, if you crave a relationship with a certain person and justify yourself in this desire, think about how this desire looks from the side of a person who is not involved in the situation. If an objective view tells you that you are behaving naively or irresponsibly, you should recognize this trait in yourself.

   6. Keep a diary. Write down all your discoveries and doubts throughout the process of updating your self-perception. You can write about your feelings, disappointments, anxieties, and anything related to the topic. The main thing here is to write regularly and as sincerely as possible.

      • Whenever you sit down to write in your diary, you should write until you come to an awareness of your emotional state.
      • Make sure you write in your diary when there is nothing to distract you from it.

   7. Develop a healthy self-awareness. While it's important to be honest about your failures, it's also important to learn to accept yourself for who you are and be honest about your victories as well. Too low self-esteem is no less destructive than too high self-esteem, if not worse.

      • It is important to emphasize your importance, despite all the mistakes and failures.
      • If you feel that your self-perception is rife with negativity, deal with false guilt. If something goes wrong, and at the same time you say to yourself: "I always fail at anything," immediately correct yourself by reminding yourself of those examples from life when you succeeded.

   8. Ask yourself who you want to be. Reflect on who you see in yourself and who you would really like to see in yourself. Perhaps this is the same person. If you see differences, determine what you need to transform and make your dream a reality.