Hearing

The main thing is to be sure to let the person talk. Do not be afraid of the flow of revelations and panic: no one requires you to be active and immediately solve all problems. It is also better to leave questions, advice and universal wisdom for later: at this stage, a person just needs to know that he is not alone, that he is being heard, that they sincerely sympathize with him.

To listen does not mean to freeze like an idol and be silent until the very end of the monologue. This behavior is more like indifference. It is possible and even necessary to show “signs of life” in order to console loved one: say “Yes”, “I understand you”, sometimes repeat words or phrases that seemed key - all this will show that you really care. And at the same time it will help to gather your thoughts: both to the interlocutor, and, by the way, to yourself.

This is a gesture

There is a simple set of gestures to help sympathizers. An open posture (without arms crossed on the chest), a slightly bowed head (preferably on the same level as the head of the person you are listening to), understanding nods, an approving grunt in time with the conversation and open palms are subconsciously perceived as a sign of attention and participation. When we are talking about a loved one with whom you are used to maintaining bodily contact, soothing touches and stroking will not interfere. If the speaker becomes hysterical, and this also happens quite often, then one option to calm him down is to give him a big hug. By doing this, you will, as it were, inform him: I am near, I accept you, you are safe.

It is better not to experiment with unfamiliar people in relation to bodily contact: firstly, you yourself may feel uncomfortable; secondly, a person with a rigid personal space can be repulsed by such behavior. It is also worth being very careful if you have a victim of physical violence in front of you.

no change

You can not go in cycles in stress, many of us believe. “Pull yourself together!”, “Find a reason to be happy” - these are the standard set of phrases that the culture of global positiveness and lightness of being hammers into our heads. Alas, all these attitudes in 90 cases out of 100 have the opposite effect and do not help to comfort a person with words at all. Sacredly believing that it is necessary to look for pluses in everything, we learn not to work on the problem, but to fill it with a mass of conditionally positive experiences. As a result, the problem does not disappear anywhere, and it becomes more and more difficult to return to it and try to solve it every day.

If a person constantly returns to the same topic, it means that stress is still making itself felt. Let him talk for as long as it takes (assuming you endure the process yourself). See how it got easier? Excellent. You can slowly change the subject.

If specifically

What words to comfort a person? Often, a person in trouble feels like a social outcast - it seems to him that his misfortunes are unique and no one cares about his experiences. The phrase "Is there anything I can do to help?" seems banal and insipid, but nevertheless it shows your willingness to share the problem and be in the same boat with the victim. And it’s even better to offer something specific: “Do you want me to come to you right now and we will discuss everything?”, “Dictate a list of what you need - I’ll bring it within a day”, “Now I’ll call all the lawyers I know (doctors, psychologists), maybe what will they advise” or simply “Come at any time”. And even if the answer is an irritated grumbling in the style of “No need, I’ll figure it out myself,” the very desire to help will have a positive effect.

Help should be offered only if you are really ready for exploits, wasting time, money and emotions. Do not overestimate your strength, promising what you cannot deliver, in the end it will only get worse.

supervised

Assurances like “Don’t touch me, leave me alone, I want to be alone” often speak not so much of the desire to cope with the situation alone, but of excessive obsession with the problem and, unfortunately, a state close to panic. Therefore, it is not recommended to leave it alone for a long time. Unless for an extremely limited period of time, while being close and keeping abreast.

Quite often the mood to withdraw into oneself provokes the excessive curiosity of others, sometimes even those who are not close at all, their excessive pity, patronizing attitude. Nobody likes it. Therefore, when you see someone in such a state in front of you, you should moderate the level of your feelings and sympathy (at least externally) and make it clear that you are not going to teach him life or crush him with authority, but at the same time you sincerely want to help.

He she

We are accustomed to believing that a woman is an emotionally unstable creature and is always prone to hysterical reactions, while a man is strong and resistant by default, therefore he is able to cope with stress alone. However, this is not entirely true.

Recent studies by scientists show that a socially isolated man tolerates stress much worse than a woman left alone with herself: he is more prone to withdrawing into himself and depression (and girls even increase immunity in force majeure situations!). And the problem that we, emotional, will survive and still forget, can torment the male brain for a long time. Psychologists believe that such a protracted reaction is a consequence of the fact that boys from childhood are taught to be silent and monitor their reputation more than a state of psychological comfort.

A man needs comfort, but actions will bring it rather than words. How to console a loved one? Your arrival, a delicious dinner, an unobtrusive attempt to stir up will work much better than verbal confessions. In addition, the active behavior of someone nearby brings men to themselves. And also let him know that it won’t hurt him to speak out and you don’t see anything wrong with that.

Saving those who help

Sometimes we get so carried away with saving drowning people that it becomes an obsession. Which, by the way, the victim himself indulges: having got used to your willingness to listen, he, without realizing it, turns into your personal energy vampire and begins to dump all negative emotions on your fragile shoulders. If this goes on too long, you will soon need help yourself.

By the way, for some people the opportunity to help someone turns into a way to get away from their own problems. It is absolutely not worth allowing this - sooner or later there is a risk of coming to a full-fledged nervous breakdown.

If after long and, as it seems to you, therapeutic conversations, you feel squeezed out like a lemon, fatigue, sleep disturbances, irritability appear - you should slow down a bit. In this state, you are unlikely to help anyone, but you can easily harm yourself.

Depression

We like to use the diagnosis of "depression" with or without cause. And although only a specialist can diagnose this disease, there are still common signs, in the event of which you need to urgently seek qualified help. It:

Apathy, sadness, the prevalence of bad mood;

Loss of strength, motor retardation or, conversely, nervous fussiness;

Slowing down speech, long pauses, freezing in place;

Decreased concentration;

Loss of interest in habitually joyful things and events;

Loss of appetite;

Insomnia;

Decreased sex drive.

At least a couple of symptoms from the above - and you really should find a good psychotherapist for the victim.

Text: Daria Zelentsova

Popular

It's good when a woman supports her man and gives him confidence in himself, but, on the other hand, starting to lisp with him, she suppresses his inner masculinity, provokes the behavior of a small child in him.

Psychologists believe that all men can be divided into two categorical types:

- "iron knights" - strong-willed men who never allow anyone to show pity towards themselves;

- "little boys" - such men are always looking for a reason to complain to someone.

All women have a maternal instinct, so it is not surprising that most choose "weak" men who need support, care and an open manifestation of love. But this does not mean at all that strong men do not need all this. They are just more shy. us in our emotions, do not show our true desires even to ourselves.

Pity is a kind of expression of psychological help to a man. And the strong usually help the weak. Hence the unwillingness of men to be pitied. So a woman shows her strength, moral superiority over a man, and this, in turn, is considered unacceptable for him. Therefore, you need to regret competently, otherwise your actions will not cause gratitude, but anger and irritation. A “real” man will willingly accept hidden manifestations of pity - help him with deeds, be careful in small things - pour tea, cover him with a blanket in a dream or hug him for no reason. But in no case do not become obsessive - this will not be tolerated by any man. Endless calls, round-the-clock empty chatter and kisses every minute will piss anyone off.

You, like no one else, know the needs of your man - maybe he likes his brush to the left or his morning coffee to be a little cool? So make it so that the man was pleased, and do not demand gratitude, because men in a dejected state sometimes do not notice anyone around them. Be patient and just be there. And if you notice that a man really needs pity, then show it with deeds, not words.

If you have chosen a weak man as a partner, then help him become strong. Do not lisp with him, and do not praise without a reason. Of course, it is also impossible to call him a loser, it is important to objectively evaluate his actions and behavior. Do not look for excuses for his failures, but rather help correct the situation. You should not blindly forgive everything and justify any, even the most ugly actions.

It is important to remain a woman next to your man and not turn into a “mommy” for him. You should be a mother for your children, but not for your husband.

regret

regret

vb., nsv., use often

Morphology: I sorry, you sorry, he she it regrets, we sorry, you sorry, they regret, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, pitying, regrettable, sorry, regretting; St. regret

1. When you regret someone, this means that you feel compassion for him, pity, show mercy.

Pity the sick, the orphan, the widow. | People who feel sorry for lost dogs and cats cannot look indifferently at unfortunate stray animals. |

They took pity on the boy and took him with them.

2. If a person is said to be feels sorry for himself, then this means that he is too careful about himself and is reluctant to spend his strength on any work.

One who pities himself cannot cultivate.

3. If you are about any action or event regret, then this means that you are sad about the past, about what was not done or done wrong.

Regret the lost youth. | Regret the loss, the missed opportunity. | This will help you make the right choice, which you will not have to regret in the future. |

I have never regretted my decision.

4. If you regret someone, it means that you protect this person or animal, spare him.

I feel sorry for my mother and always call her so that she does not worry. |

Yes, you have pity on the unfortunate kitten, do not pull his tail!

5. If you are a stranger to you feel sorry for yourself, it means that you take care of him as if he were your relative.

To love my mother, to feel sorry for her as my own, my grandfather could not.

6. If you spare no effort to achieve some goal, it means that you work hard in order to achieve the desired result.

Throughout his life, he worked, sparing no effort to raise his children and educate them.

7. If you do not spare your life in the name of something, it means that you are sacrificing yourself for some higher purpose.

8. If you spare no time for some business, it means that you devote all your time to perform some task.

Members of the government should spare no time to work with the deputies of the State Duma in connection with the discussion of the budget.

9. If you are for someone or something regret funds, food, etc., this means that you are reluctant to part with them, do not want to waste them.

And what now to regret a trifle? No matter how much you have to pay later. |

And you spared candy for him?

Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language Dmitriev. D.V. Dmitriev. 2003 .

See what "regret" is in other dictionaries:

Regret, mourn, mourn, heartache, lament over something, condole, sympathize; feel pity, compassion, enter into the position of someone; express regret, condolences, compassion, sympathy; repent. I regret me…… Synonym dictionary

SORRY, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1. (modern. regret) whom that. Feel pity, compassion for someone. She is very sorry for the orphans. 2. (modern. regret) about someone or something or with the union what. Grieve, mourn, mourn. Regret that…… Explanatory Dictionary of Ushakov

regret- Feel sorry for yourself too carefully treat yourself, sparingly spend your work, your strength. There is nothing to feel sorry for yourself, help if you can ... Phraseological dictionary of the Russian language

SORRY, eat it; incompatibility 1. whom (what). Feel pity, compassion for someone. J. of the patient. 2. about whom (what), what or with the union “what”. Grieve, mourn. Zh. about the past youth. J. wasted time. Well, that acquaintance is not ... ... Explanatory dictionary of Ozhegov

And so on, see sting. Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary. IN AND. Dal. 1863 1866 ... Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary

regret- e / u, e / eat, nsv .; sorry, owls. 1) (of whom) Feel compassion, pity for someone l. Feel sorry for the sick child. Feel sorry for the homeless dog. Tonight I feel sorry for everyone who is pitied and kissed (Tsvetaeva). Synonyms: compassion / be ... Popular dictionary of the Russian language

regret- who what, what and what, about whom what. 1. whom what (to feel pity, compassion). Pity the orphans. I wanted to drive him away for a long time ... you know, everyone somehow felt sorry for him (Grigorovich). 2. whom what (protect, protect, spare). We did not spare our good horses ... ... Control Dictionary

regret- (not) spare time Neg, use (not) spare effort little, use ... Verbal compatibility of non-objective names

regret- SORRY1, nesov. (owls. to regret), whom what, about whom, and with adj. explanatory To experience (experience) a feeling of compassion, empathy for someone, something; Syn: sorry)